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(79 Posts)
Miri2007 Tue 07-Jun-16 08:40:29

Have been with boyfriend for coming up two years. He's recently been staying at mine more often with a view to moving in later this summer. Everything is going well...

He's always had a couple of condoms in his wash bag, they actually went out of date not long after we got together. I went into his wash bag this morning (to borrow some cream for a cut) and noticed the condoms had been replaced. New ones go out of date this month (June 16). I can understand throwing the old ones away. Bit miffed at the replacement.

I'm on the coil. We haven't used condoms since we both had an sti check at the beginning of the relationship.

I will ask him about it. This morning he was still asleep and I was late for work. He's back at mine Wednesday night. I wanted to canvas opinion before i raise it. Before him I was in an EA relationship and made many a bad judgement call so don't trust myself not to fall for bullshit!

What would you think?

TheNaze73 Tue 07-Jun-16 08:43:28

I would think you're overthinking it & should address any concerns with him directly.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Tue 07-Jun-16 08:48:05

Naze why is this over thinking it? Her partner doesn't use condoms with OP. Why would he buy new ones? To use with whom?

OP I would be worried but my DH doesn't have condoms in his washbag, why did he have them in the first place if you don't use them?

The best thing to do is ask him directly. Hope it's nothing.

Goingtobeawesome Tue 07-Jun-16 08:48:39

Are you totally sure you can believ him if he says they are there just in case you and him get horny at the gym, or any other totally plausible or not reason?

Miri2007 Tue 07-Jun-16 09:03:41

I worry im over thinking but am not usually suspicious.

The original ones were from before we were together so understand why they were there.

No reason why he would have them to use with me. Only thing i can think of is he found them whilst sorting stuff at home (hes recenly brought some clothes to mine) and put them in the bag.

But why not throw away? Lets assume(!) he threw the old out of date ones away... why keep these?

Resilience16 Tue 07-Jun-16 09:16:16

Sounds dodgy to me. I know how you are feeling as have been in a similar situation.
My ex had a stash of viagra which went up and down (no pun intended) when I wasn't around. It drove me crazy, so I confronted him. First tried to make me out as being in the wrong for "snooping", and then gave me some bullshit excuse..
Like you I had just come out of an EA relationship andI really wanted this one to work out, so I swallowed the bullshit excuse...later found him on dating websites and a whole load of other bollocks..
You need to ask him. He may well have a valid reason. I'd love to know what it is tho...
Good luck x

loobyloo1234 Tue 07-Jun-16 09:22:45

I wouldn’t say you were over-reacting at all to be honest OP. This would set alarm bells going for me – as it’s happened to me before. Turns out my stupid ExP was being a cheating little twat. Ask your DP outright ... hope it's innocent

Miri2007 Tue 07-Jun-16 09:24:25

Thanks resiliance. There were dating site 'issues' a year ago to. I ended it but went back.

The relationship is so good tho. Problem is am i comparing it to my last one and still settling short? It doesnt sound good writing all this down does it!

Miri2007 Tue 07-Jun-16 09:35:49

Thanks loo. Its shit isnt it.

I will ask outright, i want to ask face to face so need to wait till tomorrow night.

Goingtobeawesome Tue 07-Jun-16 14:28:46

Why would he have bought new ones since you were checked?

Miri2007 Tue 07-Jun-16 14:46:33

Good question Growing.

I am assuming they arent 'new' as the expiry date is now they must be a few years old right?

Im guessing he came across them when sorting out (he has moved some clothes to mine recently) and put them in his wash bag. But why. He wasnt going to use them with me, so why did he keep them at all?

loobyloo1234 Tue 07-Jun-16 15:02:36

Isn't that the question you have to ask him Miri ... I see no reason why he would need them if you are in a committed relationship? Absolutely no reason whatsoever

Goingtobeawesome Tue 07-Jun-16 15:03:50

Nothing wrong in keeping them. All sorts of reasons why condoms would suddenly be needed in a long term relationship but why would he put them in his gym bag. Ask him as if innocent and see what he says.

0dfod Tue 07-Jun-16 15:06:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Miri2007 Tue 07-Jun-16 15:21:36

As much as i like that idea 0dfod i dont have the patience to wait it out for a reaction smile I will have to mention it when i see him.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 07-Jun-16 16:07:42

So you took him after finding him on dating websites a year into your relationship?
This is such a massive red flag and women just seem to ignore them.
Now the condoms - it's not looking good.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 07-Jun-16 16:07:55

Took him BACK!!!

Miri2007 Tue 07-Jun-16 16:24:55

I know.i know.

He did all the right things post the online dating thing and i thought we had moved past it but the trust is damaged.

I really enjoy spending time with him. There are no other problems in the relationship.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 07-Jun-16 16:34:36

I really enjoy spending time with him
Well them keep him as your little lap-dog friend.
But not as long term boyfriend.
He's a knob and I think you know it!

Cabrinha Tue 07-Jun-16 16:37:58

No offence, but that's a massive drip feed!
You know you can't trust him, which puts a totally different spin on finding more recent condoms.

FWIW, I'm engaged to a man who has had a vasectomy. I have stacks of condoms from my dating days in my bedside drawer and a pack in the car too. He knows about them - he's laughed at why I have so many (family planning clinic forced them on me when I went for STI checks post cheating XH, despite me saying I'd rather buy my preferred ones). I have about 50 I think! I regularly think - oh I should chuck those. But it seems such a waste! What if a friend asks, or my 7yo needs them for an art project grin or maybe I'll use them to teach her about contraceptives and later, she can practice how they go on... It just seems a waste to chuck them!

Difference is... they never move and my fiancé is well aware of their providence and - this is the crucial bit - if more appeared he'd have no other reason to be suspicious.

I think the most likely reason is that he carries them in case he needs them. Not with you. Sorry.

Cabrinha Tue 07-Jun-16 16:39:06

There's no point in saying "there are no other problems" when the one problem you have is that he cheats on you on dating sites shockconfused

Miri2007 Tue 07-Jun-16 20:27:56

I agree with that. "The only reason he carries them is incase he needs them" and that isnt for anything with me.

Still need to ask him. I need to know what he has to say. Not that i will get the truth. Still need to have the conversation.

ZestyMaximus Wed 08-Jun-16 08:49:49

Hi Miri Just wishing you luck and strength for tonight flowers

Resilience16 Wed 08-Jun-16 09:09:32

Don't make the mistake I did Miri. Because my previous relationship had been really really shit I thought the next one was ok because it was "only" medium shit, and then not shit all the time.....
I realise now that was a really bad judgement call.
There is no shit in a good relationship. Don't accept it and don't settle for it.
We deserve better.

Miri2007 Wed 08-Jun-16 09:22:38


Yes, just because its better than before doesnt mean its okay.

Wonder what excuse i'll get. Or if it will just be a straight out denial. Going to be a long day.

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