Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Lost sympathy for DH

(17 Posts)
RosieandJim89 Tue 07-Jun-16 06:37:18

I caught a virus last week and was ill from wednesday to saturday, I had awful flu like symptoms but still got on with life. Went to work, helped with our son etc. Since Friday I have had a tight chest and have struggled to breath but DH caught the virus saturday and has declared himself bedridden on sunday so I had no choice but to do everything no matter how shit I feel. I am much better but not quite over it, I still have a tight chest, appetite and am a little shaky but life goes on, for me at least.
DH however has been bedridden for two days constantly complaining that he is ill. I mean constantly! It is the only thing he has said to me for 2 days and I am fed up of it. He may well be feeling very ill but how is staying in bed in 22 degree heat, under a winter duvet going to help? He has had no medicine and laughed when suggested he sit outside or on the couch for a bit to see if he feels better.
He got out of bed out of sheer boredom last night and spent a couple of hours on the sofa. Surprisingly he felt a little better so I have dragged him downstairs again this morning.
So far all he has said is "I am so ill" "I cannot tell you how ill I am". I personally cannot wait to get to work so I don't have to listen to him!
I understand he is ill but have no sympathy for him at all. He didn't give a stuff when I was ill and and is laying it on so thick that instead of feeling sorry for him I am just fed up of him.
Am I being a cow?
He is like this every single time he gets ill and it gets so boring! If he complained a little less I would probably care a little more but right now I really don't. sad

lanbro Tue 07-Jun-16 06:54:54

Not being a cow at all! My dh is like this, I find ignoring him completely the easiest thing, get out the house. I also just repeat "I know, it's horrible isn't it" but don't offer any sympathy!

RosieandJim89 Tue 07-Jun-16 07:09:32

I'm glad it isn't just mine then. The constant moaning is just so draining!

janaus Tue 07-Jun-16 08:52:16

Man flu, it's always so much worse, poor dears

DoinItFine Tue 07-Jun-16 08:54:14

If he isn't nice to you and cover you when you are sick, then just ignore his illness entirely.

DrMorbius Tue 07-Jun-16 09:05:04


I don't wish to be pedantic but how is staying in bed in 22 degree heat, under a winter duvet going to help? raising your body temperature is the bodies way of trying to rid itself of the virus. Sounds like your DH is doing this. Actually that is quite sensible.
He has had no medicine aren't we being told we over use medicines (to our peril)?. Again your DH is being quite sensible.
laughed when suggested he sit outside so he is trying to raise his body temperature and you suggest he sits in a cooler environment blush. Not very sensible.

pippistrelle Tue 07-Jun-16 09:25:52

aren't we being told we over use medicines

I don't think there are any worries over nurofen-resistant illnesses, and it sounds like that or paracetamol would have helped here.

But, OP, I do think you're being a tiny bit mean. It's rotten when you're feeling ill, as you know. But illnesses have different effects on different people. Perhaps he does genuinely feel more ill than you did. Or perhaps you were mistaken in soldiering on (and, incidentally, I'm not sure your colleagues would have appreciated it entirely) as he then didn't know how ill you were feeling. But it shouldn't be a competition - surely there's scope for mutual respect,sympathy and support? Or have you posted this in Relationships because it's emblematic of wider concerns you have about your relationship?

SeemsLegit Tue 07-Jun-16 09:28:41

If he doesn't care about or for you when you are ill then I would completely ignore his illness

OutToGetYou Tue 07-Jun-16 09:36:18

I agree that illnesses do affect different people differently. Dp and I have both had a bad tummy bug fkr two weeks, it's gone in waves so generally one of us more ill than the other at times.
But, of course, he had it far worse.....

I don't mind that he has it worse though, he doesn't moan particularly badly, nor expect me to do stuff. Though I did do a lot more than him while we were ill, mainly because I kept wanting to wash all the towels etc!

But, in your situation I'd tell him to buck up, take a paracetamol and at stop whining. I wouldn't persuade him downstairs because I'd prefer he wasn't there, in my face.

The stuff about getting your body temp up to kill a virus, by staying under a duvet, is rubbish. Yes, your body does heat you up to kill viruses. You're not supposed to help it do it. You are supposed to cool yourself down as getting too hot is dangerous. So when you get a temp take paracetamol to reduce it and don't lie under a duvet. But sitting in the sun won't help either.

Whisky2014 Tue 07-Jun-16 09:39:19

I always try and go to bed for as long as possible when I am ill to get over it quicker. Sleep heals the body. Sitting outside isn't! That comment would have annoyed me and I'd have also laughed it off.

You should have gone to bed when you were ill. You might have been over it by now.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Tue 07-Jun-16 09:43:59

I'm with you OP, I've been there!

Not proud, but my ex once wound me up so much I snarled at him that yes, I knew how ill he was because I'd had it for a few days already and given that he hadn't given a fuck about me I sure as hell wasn't going to give a fuck about him. Or words to that effect. I think I used "snivelling", "grizzling" and "pathetic" as well, but I do remember being absolutely livid.

Pollyputhtekettleon Tue 07-Jun-16 09:44:53

DrMorbius, where are you getting your medical advice from?? Show us some research about this 'raising body temp to fight off viruses' malarkey. Sounds like something my granny would have said. I apologise if you do have some proof of that.

And the overuse of medicines thing is about antibiotics. Which you don't take for viruses anyway.

Sorry to pick on your post but i think you are repeating old wives tales.

RosieandJim89 Tue 07-Jun-16 10:06:22

Actually when my son gets a temp I am told to strip him down to help cool him. How is this any different for an adult? If he was sleeping it off that would be fine- particularly as he wouldn't be complaining about it, but he isn't he is just watching tv all day.
I don't mind he is ill, I just can't stand the constant complaining about it!

RosieandJim89 Tue 07-Jun-16 10:09:10

Oh and I think the over use of medicine applies to people like my in laws who buy antibiotics abroad because they are cheaper than a prescription but then use them for whatever illness (colds, virus, flu) they may have whether or not they would help.

GnomeDePlume Tue 07-Jun-16 11:05:44

My DH used to be a non-paracetamol using martyr. Eventually one day after a lot of moaning and groaning from him and saying he didnt want to use paracetamol I told him that he could suffer then. I would sympathise if he had done things to help himself but otherwise I wasnt interested.

It worked and we are still married!

DrMorbius Tue 07-Jun-16 11:34:04

Pollyput I hope to god you are not a parent blush

Do any Google search on the subject!!!!!!

Why exactly do you think the body raises its core temp? for fun

Pollyputhtekettleon Tue 07-Jun-16 22:23:19

I know the body raises temp in response to infection. I've never ever heard anyone recommend adding to that by wrapping up warm etc.

I think it's a bit dramatic to hope to god I'm not a parent. Lol.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now