Not sure how I feel

[enidblytonfan]

Basically H had an emotional affair which I found out about in April. He never met her as she's in another country and I'm fairly certain it's over.

Where I am now is that the whole mess has made me realise that I'm not actually that happy in our marriage and now I'm not sure what to do.

Basically I don't ever feel that he will ever be totally trustworthy again as previous to the EA he used to fib about insignificant stuff anyway.

I actually don't care whether he's still in contact with his ow.

I don't like the way he speaks to me sometime. I feel he can be quite horrible for example I asked why are you getting annoyed and he said because you're annoying ! Maybe this was me being over sensitive but I've thought before I didn't like how he speaks sometimes.

He never makes any effort with my family, I think he's seen my mum and dad once this year and they only live a few miles away. To be fair he doesn't really bothered with his own family either but sees them more because he has to.

Whenever something comes up that he didn't want to do he's suddenly "ill".

I'm worried that if I do leave, I'll just be swapping one set of problems for another!

Most of the time things are OK until something else crops up!

Do I just put up with it cos it's not that bad?

Or do I leave and maybe be happier or more sad? Just don't know. Help!

[Stupendouslyshit]

Leave.

Think about your alternatives now, draw up a sensible plan.

I put up with similar and he left me for someone else in the end.

My life is no harder on my own apart from the practicalities of doing everything myself. The freedom I have is amazing and life feels full of promise most of the time.

You sound very unhappy and you deserve better.

Be brave OP.

[Resilience16]

Life is too short to be with someone who is horrible to you. Yes it is scary making the decision to walk away, but look at your options. Things are unlikely to improve between you, he may have another affair, you feel you can't trust him and you are not happy.
Isolating you from your friends and family are red flags too in terms of emotional abuse..
Only you can decide what you are willing to put up with. Is "most of the time it's ok" enough for you? You deserve better

[enidblytonfan]

Anyone else with similar experience?

[Maybenot321]

Do you have any children together? That would make a huge difference I would have thought. Although having said that, the fact that you don't care about whether or not he is still in contact with OW, would suggest you don't love him anymore.

[enidblytonfan]

No children. Just so confused.

[Jan45]

So you don't trust him, suspect he may cheat again and he speaks to you with contempt, what's confusing, you should clearly get rid.