Firstly i am new to this site, and i have never done anything like this before so apologies it it reads like a garbled mess.
My story is like so many others alas, so i will try to keep it brief.
I will have been married 21 years this year to a good, kind, decent, hard working man. Yes, we've had our ups and downs over the years but have managed to struggle through. As time has gone by, i now feel like our marriage is more like a friends relationship. I no longer fancy him and we have not been intimate for nearly 2 years. If i'm honest, i don't think i even want to be intimate with him again. I know that sounds terrible but its the way i feel. I do love him don't get me wrong, but is it the right kind of love? Anyway, a year ago along came the OM. We met locally at a place i was helping at temporarily. Strangely, i never looked on him initially as a romantic interest. He was just somebody i enjoyed talking to. He's 34 and single and i am 52. His marriage ended after 4 years in 2012/13. We found we had a lot in common, likes, interests. We enjoyed each others company. Long story short, we began a year long affair which ended at the end of march. He told me he loved me and wanted me to move in. He asked on several occasions, but something always held me back, a) the devastation it would cause to my husband and b)the 18 year age gap. He was also getting pressure from his family to end it.......understandably, and i knew realistically that they would never accept me although i have met his mum and we did get on. Since the break up we have spoken a couple of times and he told me that he was going to go back to internet dating as he was lonely. He asked me what i thought, so i said he should. What else could i say!.On our second meeting he said he had been chatting to 2 people. I was heartbroken but again, what could i say. I practically pushed him into it.
Anyway, i am now completely devastated as i wonder whether i have made a mistake by not following my heart rather than my head and giving us a chance. I am currently on antidepressants and feel so empty. I just want to get over him.
I feel so guilty for betraying my husband. I know he deserves so much more than i can give. He knows nothing of the affair and would be devastated if he knew of my betrayal.
I don't expect sympathy.I don't deserve it. I know i have done a terrible thing but if you have any advice for this silly lady i would appreciate it.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Perhaps i got it wrong and now its too late.
spaniellady · 06/06/2016 14:31
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