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Emotional Affair(?) with MM - how to move on

(5 Posts)
JellyBean31 Mon 06-Jun-16 11:00:52

In January I started chatting to a guy on an online game we both played, just easy banter and having a laugh at first, he never hid the fact he was married. Then he started asking more probing personal questions, nothing sleazy or sexual just things that really made me think about the answer before replying. I felt intellectually challenged and I liked it.

You know what's coming next I'm sure.... over the following weeks the conversations did move over to being more flirty and sexual in content... I felt guilty but I was hugely flattered and attracted to him (as much as you can be to someone you've never met).

Anyway, we "argued" over something so innocuous I can't even remember what it was now and in Feb I blocked him, at the time I was really upset, it actually felt like the end of something real, which my rational self knows is a load of bollocks.

Fast forward to now - I'm single and online dating, I've met a few nice blokes (and a few idiots) but I just don't get that spark from them and I've realised I'm looking for what I felt talking to him. Again even though I know in my head that it wasn't real as the person I was emotionally attached to was a figment of my imagination.

So my questions are (1) How can an intelligent independent woman in her late 40s get so emotionally involved in such a short space of time with someone she has never met? and (2) How do I move on and stop comparing real life men with what is effectively a phantom?

It's doing my head in!!!!

LadyReuleaux Mon 06-Jun-16 11:10:43

It's a well-known phenomenon... that's why the OLD advice is always to hold back and not take words on a screen as the "real" person. It's exciting to feel a "spark" so you probably projected onto him everything you'd like a man to be - but he won't be that, honestly. He's a married man who thinks it's OK to flirt sexually online with other women - he's not nice at all. Imagine his wife seeing the messages. Imagine that wife was you in the future (because it would be if you ever bagged yourself his cheating sex-messaging arse).

The spark can still happen with a real, nice man - concentrate on looking for him.

SandyY2K Mon 06-Jun-16 11:14:43

Time will help. Just maintain blocking him and never go back there.

JellyBean31 Mon 06-Jun-16 11:29:20

Thanks guys - I agree with everything you're saying, I've said it to myself many times. I'm just going to have to keep doing what I'm doing then. smile

JellyBean31 Tue 07-Jun-16 15:42:42

So weird that I posted this yesterday.... The MM has been playing the online game almost all day (I can see he's online even though he's not playing against me) so seeing as he was permanently on there when we were talking but hasn't been for months since, I can only assume the next unsuspecting target is getting all the flannel.

I feel like a fog has been lifted grin what a wasted few months holding on to pretend feelings for him

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