Not really sure what I'm after here; to feel heard, probably, and hopefully a reality check as I can't see the wood for the trees. This is a ridiculously first world problem.
DH and I have been together 6 years, married 3.5, with a 18 month gap after the first 18 months where we split up because we weren't making each other happy. We now have a wonderful 14 week old DS but once again I'm not happy and don't know how to get there.
My problem, I think, is that I don't feel that I am considered. By this I mean that I do everything at home and do little things because I feel it would be something DH would appreciate; do things to make 'his' jobs easier, make food he likes, the way he likes it. But I don't get that in return- it took a big argument for him to now offer me a glass of water whenever I'm bfing, another for the water to be put where I want it. He says he doesn't do more because 'it's always wrong' when he tries- he made me a sandwich a month ago which I didn't eat because it wasn't made the way I like. It's like he got 80% of the way there, but hasn't cared enough over the 8 years we've known each other to notice how I construct a bloody sandwich. It's ridiculous and such a small thing, but really struck a nerve. The other mums I know seem to mostly have caring, attentive DHs- lovely first Mothers' Day presents (I got a small box of Malteasers, and he admits he wouldn't have got that if I hadn't made it very clear I expected something) and walks in the park at the end of the day (would love that; we get TV whilst eating dinner on separate sofas, me eating one handed with DS on boob).
I'm happy to admit (here!) that I'm probably a bit hormonal still, trying to get everything perfect for my pfb, suffering a bit of an identity crisis at being mainly DS's mum now not just Monkerina and therefore not altogether reasonable, but I just don't know how I can pull it all together and get happy. I do love him, and he says he loves me, but I just don't feel it; don't necessarily need grand gestures but the little things count, like making a bloody sandwich the way I like it or taking us out for a walk round the block!
I can't decide if he's right and I'm being silly/wanting too much/perfectionist (my take on his opinion, not his words) or if it's reasonable for me to feel upset and uncared for.
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Relationships
Stuck
monkerina · 06/06/2016 01:09
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