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Is this going no where?

(11 Posts)
Spacehere1 Sun 05-Jun-16 11:51:17

NC, awhile ago found out dh likes a rather 'different' type of porn/person (don't want to say too much) he was looking for this type of stuff on a well known sex site (searching in our area) he denies he was looking to cheat. He knows I'll never believe him and he has apologised a lot. But I just don't think I'm over finding out this about him, it's made me feel like our relationship is a lie and he's secretive. This was at a time when we were literally about to get married and well I thought we were extremely happy! We hadn't long had our LO and we were in a really good place. It has devastated me, but I'm over the whole feeling insecure and weak stage and just feel like I'm giving up

Spacehere1 Sun 05-Jun-16 12:59:20


Oddsocksgalore Sun 05-Jun-16 13:20:12

Hard to give advice without knowing what it is op.

Oddsocksgalore Sun 05-Jun-16 13:21:27

For example if it were to involve children you would be told leave.

If it were to do with him liking underwear, very different advice.

Spacehere1 Sun 05-Jun-16 13:22:23

Well I can't really say as its really identifiable. Few people know but dh knows I post on here. It's just the lies really I can't get over

Spacehere1 Sun 05-Jun-16 13:23:01

It's nothing against the law but it's certainly not normal like underwear.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sun 05-Jun-16 13:28:50

Why would it matter if people know?

Surely the only people who could identify him from the thread would be people who already know. So what's the problem?

HandyWoman Sun 05-Jun-16 13:38:00

How long ago did you find out? Were both of your feelings discussed at the time? I guess the question is how to you feel about him? Feelings aren't right or wrong - they just are.

Do you feel the trust has gone? Or is it just this 'preference'?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sun 05-Jun-16 13:43:15

If you genuinely believe he is repeatedly lying to you about stuff that matters then of course you have to end the relationship. That's not giving up in a bad way, it is giving up in a good way, cutting your losses when you've realised you can't win.

If you are too ashamed to even tell strangers on the internet what he's into then you are going o struggle telling people why you've split. Have you decided what to say?

Kittencatkins123 Sun 05-Jun-16 14:13:18

I get watching porn, I don't get searching locally. Was it kind of local women up for sex stuff/dogging sad? Is it a porn site or a portal for hooking up with people?

I know people watch porn that bears no resemblance to anything they'd actually get up to in real life.

But the local area search seems odd, unless it just adds to the illicit thrill that he might see someone in tesco that he's watched getting down to business.

How do you feel about what he's looking at?

I'm sorry OP flowers

Spacehere1 Sun 05-Jun-16 14:13:24

As I have just said my dh might see this so that's why I won't say, the thing isn't women and that's all I'll say but I've never been told about this preference until I accidentally found out! I believe he has cheated as why would he use a sex site

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