Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

WWYD - Love but don't fancy my DH

(5 Posts)
LondonDove Fri 03-Jun-16 21:23:38

DH has always been very overweight but when I saw his butt this morning it really wasn't a nice sight. I realised I don't find him remotely physically attractive except for his face.

I always struggled with how obese he was but told myself love is worth more than something so shallow. I guess I always thought he'd do something about it - if not for me then for his health.

And my love is different now too. Not the passion it used to be. I'm too knackered and life-weary for that now! I don't think I've fallen out of love and I don't hate him, but I don't want sex with him. I can't get interested even though I do want sex and affection. Just not with him (not is there anyone else before you ask).

Should I even raise it with him or put up and shut up as he was like this when we met?

TheNaze73 Fri 03-Jun-16 21:27:28

Didn't you realise that his obesity was going to be a problem when you got together? I can't fathom getting together, with someone that didn't float my boat completely.
I think you need to speak to him though, it's not fair on either of you.

RainbowsAndUnicorns25 Fri 03-Jun-16 21:31:39

Approach it from a health point of view.
I know from bitter experience that you'll only make things worse if you say I don't fancy you because you're fat, there's no need to say that.
Tell him you love him dearly and you're worried about his health.

AutumnRose1988 Fri 03-Jun-16 21:34:20

If it was me, and I stress the 'if it was me', I would have to tell him. I think it is fairer to all involved and not only make your relationship more fulfilling to you both but his health will improve greatly. Perhaps start gently but firmly explaining that you both as a unit need to tackle his weight because it's a serious concern in regards to heart, diabetes etc hopefully this will get the ball rolling nicely if you really stress how deeply concerned you are as his loving wife. If nothing happens perhaps explain that his weight makes you unhappy because it has dawned on you that it is seriously cutting his life short which worries you and if still no joy perhaps slip in you think it might be effecting sexy time.

Hopefully it can be sorted with a firm approach from the health angle??

1tsonlyme Fri 03-Jun-16 21:54:20

If its got to that point I would go and tell him what you think,and what your fears are but you must have a back up plan to help him. Sometimes the truth hurts but it might make him do something about it. You could support him, do it together you for fitness him for weight loss. Only you know what his reaction would be so it's your choice.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now