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ExH using cocaine..... again

(7 Posts)
basketweaver2012 Fri 03-Jun-16 09:41:29

In short, my XDH is an alcoholic and drug abuser. We have do DC 9 and 12.
It was the main factor in our breakup 4 years ago and he's has several relationships since which have all come to a head, likely due to this
Just over a year ago he appeared to have hit rock bottom. His relationship with his girlfriend had needed badly, he'd lost his business, wasn't working, no money, health declining and just had nothing going for him what so ever. None of this was his fault in his eyes, but that's the classic narcissist in him.

Despite our fractured past I agreed to try and help him to sort his life out and get straight again. I did this purely for the kids. The adore him and he does them. He went to the docs and had a few sessions but it all faded out to nothing and he said he was clean.
A few weeks later he met another lady with her own family, quickly fell In love and waltzed off into happiness with her. She is lovely and I was pleased he seemed to be doing ok however I've recently learned that this relationship has hit the wall now as she's tired of his confined drug and alcohol consumption.
So not only did he never stop, he just carried on to the point where he's loosing everything once again.
I also discovered yesterday that he picked our children up after he had taken cocaine and for that I am furious that he has endangered them so much.
I've said no contact now unless supervised with them but what else can I do?? I'm really at a loss. I don't want this in my kids lives but they love him to pieces.

Unicow Fri 03-Jun-16 09:46:08

An addict can only get clean when they want to. You've done all you can. Hopefully loosing his kids as well will be the catalyst he needs to get clean. Do not let them see him unsupervised at all. Don't waiver on that until he has got clean and stayed clean.

Resilience16 Fri 03-Jun-16 09:51:05

Your kids safety is the priority here. He needs to sort himself out, you can't do that for him, but you can keep your kids safe.

Jan45 Fri 03-Jun-16 14:17:33

Disgusting, he'd not get near my kids, stop helping him, for one he doesn't want to stop, he sounds completely selfish and self centred, you owe him jack shit, he's a crap role model for your children, really crap.

Rainbowqueeen Fri 03-Jun-16 14:21:02

I don't think there is anything else you can do.

The kids need to be safe as a first priority. Would you consider contacting the equivalent of Al-anon to get some support and guidance on the best way forwards, especially on how to support your DC

basketweaver2012 Fri 03-Jun-16 14:46:09

Yes I think I will have to contact some sort of organisation to get some help
I don't know what to say to the kids, on the face of it he's functionally ok, working everyday so I'm not sure they will understand why he's not seeing them or why theyre not staying over. I really don't want to have to tell them what their dad is doing. It'll destroy them :-(

Hissy Fri 03-Jun-16 17:27:24

Stop trying to fix him. He has to do it himself. Alone.

He's using you, your kids and anyone else and their kids to reduce him.

You need to get some alcohol/drug family support yourself. Al-anon etc.

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