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I feel like a bunny boiler but...

(116 Posts)
Rup3rt Fri 03-Jun-16 09:21:27

So I met a guy, we went on a date a couple of nights ago which went really really well (he said so as well so wasn't just me haha) ... Since said date we have been texting pretty much constantly (obvious gaps when we are busy/asleep etc but generally have always been messaging)

Yesterday, business as usual, I had work in the evening and as I was going into work his last text was us discussing our second date and him saying he wants to take me somewhere really nice and that he's gutted he won't be able to see me for over a week. I reply then go into work... Come out of work, and had a message from him in reply... And then another message just making general chit chat about 2 hours before. Replied when I got home... And he opened it and ignored it! But at the time, I didn't think much of it. He was moving house that day and was probably busy. I'm sure I'd hear from him later. But later, this morning, nothing. But he had been posting on Facebook last night, an emotional post about him moving house. So, I liked it then sent him a message saying aww did the move go well then? Are you feeling all emotional? ... And again! Open message, no reply!

So my question is, would it be weird to maybe give him until later this evening and if I don't hear ask him? I'm not normally like this after a first date and feel like a bit of a bunny boiler, but I just don't understand how you can go from planning a second date and all the like, to not even dignifying my messages with a response, all in the space of 2 hours?? I'm not thinking an angry rant or anything, perhaps just a little sort of 'jokey message' like 'was it something I said?' ... I guess it's more for my sanity than anything really as I know deep down its hardly going to change anything... I am just going out of my mind trying to work out why the hell he has just done such a u turn all of a sudden and whether it really is something I've done?? I don't think he's ever completely ignored my messages!

blindsider Fri 03-Jun-16 09:26:46

No it is certainly odd - he has changed his pattern of communication.

When I moved house I didn't have time to be fannying around on FB for several days though...

loobyloo1234 Fri 03-Jun-16 09:26:51

There was a post very similar to this the other day. If he was moving house, sending a text probably wasn't his priority. Give him a break wink Hopefully will text you by tonight so then you won't have to worry about it

Rup3rt Fri 03-Jun-16 09:54:51

I guess it's just that its so out of character more than anything - I know that's hard to say when you've only been on one date with a person! It's just that this week he's been busy packing up and moving his stuff gradually.. And during all that he's sent me videos of how messy his house is and all the piles of stuff and chatting away about how much stuff he has to do etc... Sometimes there have been delays in his responses, but he has always replied... And he has been popping up on my news feed all morning, commenting on the most random of things like 'tag your mate in this so they have to open their phone for no reason' type things! I'm perplexed by the whole thing and it's driving me up the wall!

honeyandmarmitesandwiches Fri 03-Jun-16 10:05:33

In terms of what to do, I know it's tempting to send another text but you've already sent two, a third would be demeaning to you imo as he hasn't been courteous enough to respond to the previous two.
I agree with others it's a change in behaviour which is odd, yes he's been moving but that hasn't stopped him before and a text doesn't take long. I wouldn't write him off just yet but I would bear this in mind for the future because if he's going to be inconsistent and blow hot and cold it will drive you mad.

TheNaze73 Fri 03-Jun-16 10:54:42

Cut the bloke some slack! I would do nothing now, you'll scare him off. You've had one date, do not be getting to heavy on him.

Rup3rt Fri 03-Jun-16 10:59:36

You are totally right, and deep down I know that if I text him again then it would probably be a complete write off as if there really was an innocent explanation then I think I'd scare him off...

I guess I was just hoping that if that happened, and he didn't reply, I'd know that was it, he's not busy, and stop with the constant checking my phone. And if he did, and gave me a reason, even better! But no, I probably shouldn't... I will probably scare him off if it was innocent, probably won't get a reply, and will probably feel worse. Let's just hope I hear from him today so I can stop being such a crazy lady wink

UpsiLondoes Fri 03-Jun-16 11:02:52

Player. Hooks you in by constant texting then blows cold. You've had one date witht this guy and you're already doubting yoursel and wondering if you've done something to put him off.

UpsiLondoes Fri 03-Jun-16 11:03:24

Sorry about the typos

ClaudiaApfelstrudel Fri 03-Jun-16 11:34:09

I think the ball is well and truly in his court and sending another text would certainly be the end of things. TBH I think he's been a bit inconsiderate not replying to you and leaving you in the lurch like this. For me it would make me wonder if it was worth pursuing any further

honeyroar Fri 03-Jun-16 11:35:13

Hmm. He could be busy, stressed etc from moving house, but he's still posting on Facebook yet he cant even send you a quick "hi, I'm fine, it's all a bit crazy, will text in a few days".. So no, for me, any brownie points he stacked up by being nice are running down and a warning light is on. Even if you're busy you don't have to ignore/be rude to someone you want to go out with. Give him a bit more time, but don't have your rose tinted specs on.

HandyWoman Fri 03-Jun-16 11:35:58

How long have you known him?

TWOBANANAS Fri 03-Jun-16 11:37:42

You're only too busy for things you don't want to do. His posting on Facebook shows he's not too busy. I'd not be impressed.

Rup3rt Fri 03-Jun-16 11:47:51

HandyWoman, I wouldn't say the words 'known him' but we have been speaking on and off since Jan. At the time I was newly single from my daughters father so it wasn't really the right time but he was nice to talk to. Things kind of phased out and that was fine. Then a few weeks later started up again. But again, nothing ever materialised.

It's only really the last 3/4 weeks that we have been texting a fair bit and agreed to actually go out... But in all that time since Jan he's never outright ignored me! When things were phasing out his responses would be very much one word, 'haha' or a smiley face... Always a reply though!

I really am not impressed. I feel like he's heard or found out something about me all of a sudden that's bad...but then I don't know what he could've possibly heard, because I haven't done anything wrong? Not that I know of anyway!! Either that, or he's just trying to get to me by not replying... Looks like its working envy

ConkerTriumphant Fri 03-Jun-16 11:50:42

Jesus Rup you are overthinking this!

eatsleephockeyrepeat Fri 03-Jun-16 11:50:46

You know when you get that feeling deep down that something's changed? When that happens, something has always changed. Guaranteed.

Sorry brew

eatsleephockeyrepeat Fri 03-Jun-16 11:53:14

My "sorry" made my message sound really terminal! Gah, I only meant sorry you're going round and round in your own head about this - I know how that feels and it sucks!

But I do believe something's changed. So be prepared.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Fri 03-Jun-16 11:54:37

If you text him again, chances are he'll ignore that one too. You know that.

Balls in his court but I think he's made it quite clear that you're not a priority so I'd be moving on. I'm sorry.

PreciousVagine Fri 03-Jun-16 11:57:45

I'll be blunt. He's just not that into you. Youve chatted for months and it's made you a bit of a chase. He's gone on a date with you finally, it went well. He's said all the right things the days after then gone off the idea. Hasn't been bothered to tell you because really you don't know each other and it's only been one date. I'd leave it.

validusername Fri 03-Jun-16 12:01:07

Do not text him again. You have already sent two messages that he hasn't replied to.

I know it will be tough but try and leave your phone alone for a bit. He will be in touch when he wants to.

SuperFlyHigh Fri 03-Jun-16 12:02:36

Ignore him. He's liked the chase but now you've met up in person he doesn't think it's worth more of his time.

That's why now with Internet dating if I do it, I meet up as soon as possible because really how do you know if you'll get on if you don't meet...

And yes have emailed people for months met up and it's been bloody awful!

Rup3rt Fri 03-Jun-16 12:04:24

I really am conker, I have a real tendency to overthink things. I'm quite an anxious person really and always feel like I've done something wrong blushI just don't get it. If he didn't like me, then why was he messaging me about second dates and messaging me twice whilst I'm in work where I can't reply?

It's true though. If he was that into me, he wouldn't be playing daft games/ignore me. I can't be bothered with this dating malarkey... It's too much like hard work sad

SuperFlyHigh Fri 03-Jun-16 12:08:52

OP - I've met people like this they're either players or just like "the chase"...

They're also the hardest ones to pin down for an explanation as they don't think they're doing anything wrong!

BubblingUp Fri 03-Jun-16 12:16:23

If he wanted to text you, he would.

5tardusty Fri 03-Jun-16 12:17:16

Don't text back. Distract yourself with anything!

Don't let this put you off dating though. I went through this a few times. There'll be times that you meet someone who is perfectly nice and fine and really likes you, but something just doesn't click for you. I felt better about 'rejection' once the shoe had been on the other foot as i realised that it wasn't a criticism or anything i did wrong; there just wasn't mutual chemistry.

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