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Why won't he admit he cheated

(12 Posts)
Feelbroken2016 Thu 02-Jun-16 13:09:35

My partner of 7 yrs has been cheating on me for 6 months with his ex partner (- they were not officially together it was when we were on a break but I don't know what else to call it).

He has been going round to have sex multiple times a week and weekends. I thought he was "working late". I did some investigating and managed to meet up with her last week. I have no reason to believe she is lying she seemed shocked and genuine and activities match events that he didn't tell me about. One example is that we went away for the wkend and she turned up at his house looking for him as she was worried he had an accident, on that day I Remeber that he rushed back to drop me home couldn't stay and went to his and wouldn't tell me what was so urgent. He was really angry as he was rushing to drop me off and this is obviously why.

He has denied everything and said I am stupid for believing her. She knew about a perfume of mine in his house. He claims he told her it was mine on the phone while he was tidying up. Obviously a lie.

He broke up with me saying he doesn't want to be with someone who doesn't trust him and believe his side of things. I am foolish to belive it he is sick of repeating himself and she wants to break us up. We haven't spoken since. I am really heartbroken and it would have helped me to process the emotions if he admitted it. Is it common for men to just deny this forever?

seeyounearertime Thu 02-Jun-16 13:12:00

Why won't he admit he cheated

What difference will it make if he does? why do you care?

he's gone, you move on and be happy and forget it. Him admitting to it wont change anything really.

Rightho Thu 02-Jun-16 13:51:51

What difference will it make if he does? why do you care?

That is a bit harsh Seeyounearer. It would confirm to the OP that she was right and wasn't being "gaslighted" into believing she was an irrational, untrustworthy woman who unnecessarily caused the break up by exposing him as a cheat.

Also for many people, knowing the truth is a form of closure - so it's not really that irrational to want to know or to care what the truth was.

^ Is it common for men to just deny this forever?^

Feelbroken - God yes! It depends on the man but the starting point is that a cheater is untrustworthy on some level. So you are starting from the premise that they are (1) selfish and (2) a liar.

Men caught cheating rarely admit it anyway as a form of self preservation. They will admit the minimum they can get away with based on what evidence they are presented with.

It's better for him he doesn't admit it - because in his mind, it leaves the door open for him with you in future if/when he decides he wants a re-tread of the sex. Watch out for that. Men like that will often try for a free shag/shags no strings with an ex they know likes them.

It sucks - but time does heal!

hellsbellsmelons Thu 02-Jun-16 14:13:28

They always deny it.
It's the script.
Try not to dwell on it.
You know what happened.
He's ended it which is great.
Now block him and delete him from all social media.
Get your life back on track and find someone who won't cheat and lie.
You know you deserve better.

Laus13 Thu 02-Jun-16 14:35:51

My ex (serial cheater) told me 'deny everything always' and
'Admit only what they know.'
Nice of him to share really. Means you've no confirmation of anything until you find text messages and restaurant receipts...

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 02-Jun-16 14:57:31

Like the problem was your lack of trust, not ex's lack of trustworthiness!

No contact is a good thing OP especially as he won't admit to any wrongdoing.

I expect he is too used to you giving, him taking.

Be good to yourself, surround yourself with kind, decent people.

Feelbroken2016 Thu 02-Jun-16 15:44:36

Thanks, it's really for closure to know the Truth and why he did it.

No receipts as they never went out, I wanted to ask her for screen shots not that I need evidence but that is something that cannot be argued.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 02-Jun-16 15:47:42

and why he did it
Because he's a lying cheating scumbag!
Simple really.

If you think she will agree then ask her for screen shots.
But you really don't need it.
He's shown you who he is.
Block and ignore!

TheNaze73 Thu 02-Jun-16 16:51:22

Why do you want him to admit it? What's done is done.

Think I'm being a bit thick here but, were you together at any stage when he was cheating?? You say you weren't when he started, yet have been together 7 years. Sorry if I missed something

Feelbroken2016 Thu 02-Jun-16 19:29:41

Yes we were together for the past 6 months when he's been doing it. He met and saw the girl originally when me and him broke up but we got back together after.

Well I got the screenshots, before I sent them he said "well is my number there" and then when I sent them he blocked me and called was angry with me for being in touch with OW!!! I don't know how someone can behave like this. It's like I didn't know him at all. It feels painful that I won't know why or get an apology.

maz210 Thu 02-Jun-16 19:41:45

He's definitely been cheating, you know that. He's just too cowardly to admit it.

You're well rid of him, although it may not feel like it right now. flowers for you, hope the pain eases soon. Don't take him back.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 02-Jun-16 20:37:13

Why he did do it? That's such a weird question to want answered. He fancied her, she was up for it, he thought he could get away with it, he didn't care about being faithful to you. It really is that simple. It is always that simple.

Do you mean "what did I fail to give him that drove the poor darling into another woman's arms"?

No, no, no.

He's just a normal cheating twat who thinks it is OK for men to cheat as long as they don't get caught.

You could have been the world's most perfect girlfriend and he'd still have played away because he thinks that's OK. You could have been the world's most vile girlfriend and he could have dumped you then taken up with someone else but he didn't.

Closure comes from knowing he was always this way inclined but you just didn't realise it because he hid it so well partly because he was totally happy with lying to you because he's a bad 'un.

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