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AIBU sis wont let me babysit(21 Posts)
AIBU my sister wont let me babysit my niece? Her and my BIL let me babysit once for an hour when she went to the gym. Since she hit 6mo they wont let me babysit. They have a problem with the fact I allow my 2 older children snacks such as chocolate, sweets and crisps etc. This is not all the time and they do eat lots of fruit and veg as well. My children are clever and I spent a lot of time working at home with them with their school work and they are exceeding in all school subjects. They do exercise, dance and gymnastics every week and my children are not overweight. When I asked my BIl and Sis about babysitting as I would love to spend some time with her and maybe they could have a break they said they would have to give a packed lunch as what I would give at home would be unacceptable. I promised I would only feed her something healthy as I eat very healthily but they just laughed in my face. When it was easter I did an easter egg hunt for the children and gave my niece an easter egg as I thought that would be ok. The next day they returned it to me in front of family saying she does not eat anything like that and my kids can have it. I said I didn't want it back so they threw it in the bin. Their child is quite big not overweight or anything but a big build and people make comments. I'm really hurt as I've begged to babysit when they go for a night out but they only ask the MIL and thats it. I have a nice big home and lots of toys and I thought the cousins could play together. I am really hurt she's over a year old now and I only babysat her once. She barely knows who I am. AIBU?
It's their precious first born.
Tell them you are more than happy to feed her whatever they pack and don't take it as a criticism of your own parenting.
Well... kind of.
Why do you want to babysit so badly?
I can't wait for that kid to rebel, and she will.
But in the meantime just ignore their madness and get on with your life.
Visit them when you can and invite them round to yours as a family.
It's odd indeed and you are NBU to feel hurt but try not to dwell on it.
Stop begging them to allow you to babysit.
They don't want you to and that is their right (although it might be wrong)
I was just keen for her to come round because I wanted to have a relationship with her and my children love seeing her and would love it if she came round. I did say it was ok for the packed lunch but they said the minute they were out the door I'd be shoving chocolate in her mouth. I guess I do feel a bit like I am being criticised as a parent.
some people have strong views on food, though there is no need to handle it the way they have by being openly scathing of your gift/food choices. it is the way they have handled it that is wrong.
people do like to delay children eating sweets etc for as long as possible. (we held off as long as possible with easing off as they have grown older to hopefully minimise the forbidden fruit gorging when they hit teens) people also have differing ideas of what is healthy. (or change their views as new evidence comes to light.)scoffing at another's views though is not nice.
Agree with blackeyedsue.
Food is extremely important to some on levels not everyone will understand. I was quite strict to begin with myself but I am more lenient now. All the same, I do tend to feed DD stuff that my mum, friends wouldn't feed her. They also used to encourage chocolate from a very young age and DP and I would joke that we would never let them babysit!
Like I said, I'm far more lenient now. Your sister and BIL might be the same as me, but they might not. They have been insensitive in how they have handled things but I would just agree to give her her packed lunch and say nothing more about it and don't take it to heart.
Why are you so desperate to have sole charge of your niece? If you want the cousins to get to know each other, then invite them all over to play together and socialise, with your sister and/or her DH as well. Surely that's more usual than expecting to babysit for them?
Be honest, is this more of a power/winning thing at this point?
If they don't want you to have their child atm then just shrug your shoulders and say fine. It's a baby not a toy to have a tug of war with your sibling over
What do you want to do that you cant do if you visit them/they visit you? Nothing.
So invite them round and build the cousin relationship.
If you barely know her then spend more time with them. Dont make a big deal out of it.
You sound a bit odd and obsessed with having your own way. You also sound like a teenager. Tbh if you come across like this you wouldn't have babysat mine, either.
Do they even need a babysitter?!
They may only use MIL occasionally.
Sounds like she's a year old. At 12 months, my baby had never been left with anyone. Not a question of trust - I didn't need or want to be away from her any time that her father wasn't available.
I actually think you were unreasonable giving her an Easter egg at less than a year old (sounds like?) too. Lots of not particularly precious people choose not to give no nutritional value sugar to babies who don't even get the "fun" from it.
You do seem obsessed with having the child - why not just do stuff as a large family group?
If you want a good relationship with your DN and sibling/partner why not just visit or have them visit? No need to push babysitting offers when they clearly don't want this, for whatever reason.
One year old is still a baby.
My DF and DSis have from day 1 been obsessed with having my DS by themselves. I've found it so weird that they're so desperate to have him without me there that I have never let any of that side of the family babysit DS at all as it's just made me feel totally weird about it. The more you push it the worse it is going to get OP.
Once baby can speak and run around she will be desperate to play with big cousins. Wait til then.
Why do you want to have her alone? Why isn't seeing her when one or both of her parents are around enough for you to develop a relationship?
You sound over invested and slightly weird tbh.
IMO it's unpleasant when extended family seek to have sole charge of small DC, have had experience with this and have refused, because it's not helpful in our particular situation and I feel like they can't be arsed with their relationship with me/DH and just want to start fresh with our DC!
Why can't you and your children build a relationship with a parent there too? It's fair that they should leave their children with someone they feel comfortable with, and I can imagine they're finding the pressure off putting.
I haven't said anything for months. They go out regularly as a couple and its often and always ask the MIL and sometimes my mum. I said I was happy to do it as well but every time the food issue is brought up and I'm told I cant be trusted. I have promised I wont give any unhealthy snacks. I haven't put anymore pressure on them. I'm just really hurt and feel its an insult on my parenting and I know the kids would have loved to have her round.
It seems harsh not to trust you.
Have you actually given the baby chocolate before, or only the (wrapped?) Easter egg?
They may not like your parenting generally, and the food thing is just the part they've latched onto.
I love my sister dearly and happily let me older child run free with her cousins now. But I'd never have let her babysit when my child was a baby because - well, let's just say we have very different parenting styles. I didn't want my 12 month old on the middle of an unfenced trampoline with 4 older kids bouncing around her. No harm ever came to any of her kids, and she'd think me uptight.
YANBU to feel hurt, but YABU to think you have any right to have this child.
You haven't answered questions about why you don't just play together?
I don't think you're being unreasonable at all! Their refusal to let you babysit is because they don't feel happy leaving their baby alone with you (for whatever reason, food or otherwise) and that realization must be hurtful, especially since you have your own children. Assuming your children are happy, healthy, confident individuals I'd also find their attitude an insult to my parenting.
If my sister never allowed me to babysit my niece and nephew I would be heartbroken. I love my time spent when it's just them and me. I have also left my 2 children alone with my sister and BIL since they were born. I trust them implicitly and wouldn't dream of denying them that time together. As a result both sets of children and aunts/uncles are really close, I love it that way. Are you sure it's just the food issue?
As much as I understand where you're coming from the reality is that it's their baby and you're just going to have to leave them to it. I'm sure they'll come around when they have more children and need the extra help! I wouldn't offer to babysit again. They're well aware that you're available so leave it at that. I'm pretty certain this is a "first time parents" thing, at some point they'll get over themselves but in the meantime just focus on your own children.
Don't worry. Your turn will come when they can't get anyone else. Your choice what you do then.
If you want to build a relationship with your niece and between her and your children, then babysitting of an evening isn't really going to help with that anyway. Evening babysitting would surely mostly comprise of your niece being in bed and you sitting in your sister's house watching TV on your own?
Wouldn't it be more productive to arrange times to see them at the weekends (or in the week if possible), where you are all there together and the children can get to know each other?
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