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How do you just accept it?

(19 Posts)
enfru Wed 01-Jun-16 18:04:54

Have evidence DH is having an affair, he denies it. Says he never made the phone calls, never ate the meal he has the receipt for etc
He's been blaming me for 7 weeks saying I'm a bully and have made him miserable for years- yet he's never said anything before now. He said he was moving out but is still here, keeps implying I should be the one to leave.
Now I have the proof he's been talking bs and really he's leaving because he has someone else, how do I just accept that he'll never admit it?
How can he deny concrete evidence and think I'll just drop it? I want answers I know I'm never going to get so how do I stop pushing him for them?

Oddsocksgalore Wed 01-Jun-16 18:30:25

Sling his arse out if you have proof.

seeyounearertime Wed 01-Jun-16 18:32:49

If i were you OP i'd be thinking bout how to stop giving a shiny shite.

yo9u know he's cheated, you have the evidence, what does it matter if he admits it or not? Will it change anything?

Best thing you can do is start living seperately, live your life and be happy, nothing says fuck you to someone more than ignoring they exist.

0hCrepe Wed 01-Jun-16 18:46:12

He's a liar and doing what liars do, so what he says won't make sense even though that's what you want at the moment. Every time you want an answer, remind yourself that the truth won't come from him because he's a liar. You just cannot trust him but at least you know.
You have the truth in evidence.

Jan45 Wed 01-Jun-16 18:47:40

He denies because he doesn't give a shit or value what you think, he's there because it's convenient, no doubt he will jump shit when some poor woman takes him on, I hope you are well rid.

Torchlight86 Wed 01-Jun-16 18:48:47

I've had a similar issue with my ex, I had concrete proof he had slept with someone else not days after I had given birth to our DS he was a nasty cheating fuck guy and I spent a lot of energy trying to get him to admit what he had done, arguing, crying, begging etc

4 years down the line, he still has never taken responsibility or admitted what he did!

My humble advice is, and I know it's easy to say from the other side, stop trying to make him, stop acting like you care even though you do, 'fake it til you make it' keep pretending your fine and happy and moved on with your life, and one day, in the not too distant future you will wake up and realise you're not faking it any more!

flowers

Torchlight86 Wed 01-Jun-16 18:49:18

I've had a similar issue with my ex, I had concrete proof he had slept with someone else not days after I had given birth to our DS he was a nasty cheating fuck guy and I spent a lot of energy trying to get him to admit what he had done, arguing, crying, begging etc

4 years down the line, he still has never taken responsibility or admitted what he did!

My humble advice is, and I know it's easy to say from the other side, stop trying to make him, stop acting like you care even though you do, 'fake it til you make it' keep pretending your fine and happy and moved on with your life, and one day, in the not too distant future you will wake up and realise you're not faking it any more!

flowers

QuiteLikely5 Wed 01-Jun-16 18:52:30

Sorry this has happened to you, you need to get him out of the home for your own sanity and self respect. If his ow is married do consider dropping her dh an email

flowers

enfru Wed 01-Jun-16 19:10:56

I've been trying to fake it, trying to be all light and breezy but every time I catch another lie is like a kick in the teeth.
He's being the biggest arsehole about moving out, about money etc it's almost like he believes I'm the one who said I wasn't happy and wanted to leave, like he's punishing me.
I don't know who he is, the things he's said, the way he's behaving he's a complete stranger.
I just want to be at the point where I don't care and actually dont

ravenmum Wed 01-Jun-16 19:17:12

Mine couldn't deny it, I had too much evidence. But I still didn't get "closure". I wanted him to explain, or show signs of regret, or just do anything other than look at me nastily. No luck. From their point of view, what would they get out of it?

They make you out to be the baddie to convince themselves and others that their affair is absolutely forgivable after the hell you have put them through. In the end, if they are lucky, you too start feeling confused about whether you've done something wrong.

But you know who did something wrong.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Wed 01-Jun-16 19:23:55

Has he been taking lessons from Shaggy?

It wasn't me

Why are you arguing with the knob head? "I know what you did. We are finished. Don't talk to me, talk to my solicitor."

Horsemad Wed 01-Jun-16 19:29:23

Just get yourself a Shit Hot Lawyer and take him to the cleaners.

enfru Wed 01-Jun-16 19:30:47

I think that's it ravenmum, I want him to show something towards me- acknowledge the pain he's caused me but all I get is contempt- I imagine it's because I found him out.
I wish I had the strength to just say I know what you did and now we're over but he's the father of my children, the man I adore, eleven years of my life and he's just dismissing all of that and I want to know why

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Wed 01-Jun-16 19:31:16

This is a horrible time for you, particularly as things are in flux, you are still living in the same house and so on. You may well never get the answers/explanations you are looking for. I never did, after a 20 yr marriage. I am not completely over the 'bafflement' of realising you can not know 'D'H at all, but I am getting there. A wise MNer said, "When you have reached the land of 'meh', you are free'. This is true, and may just be the best position to aim for. You can't reason with crazy, and that way madness lies. It does get better, I promise x

Kimononono Wed 01-Jun-16 19:32:46

Ah he is the worst kind. The ones where they will just not admit what they have done because they don't want to lose control of the situation.

Get a lawyer and hold on to that evidence.

TheNaze73 Wed 01-Jun-16 19:36:39

He's a cheat, you've got him cornered & he's lashing out. He really doesn't give a toss about you as there appears to be no remorse. How can you still adore someone, who you know to be banging someone else? You deserve far better

ravenmum Wed 01-Jun-16 19:45:13

After years of discussing and arranging stuff with your partner, it is just hard to grasp that you are no longer going to do this together, you're on your own now and the discussion is going to stop.

I'm afraid it does just take time to work through it all in your head. After two years my imagined conversations with my ex are no longer daily and much shorter (often just the word "arse" smile).

You need to get him out or leave yourself (if that's an option?). Can you get any family members to persuade him that the atmosphere is not good for the kids? That a good father would leave quietly?

enfru Wed 01-Jun-16 19:45:19

I know it doesn't make sense but my head and my heart are in two different places right now. He's not just my husband, he's my best friend and I thought I was his.
My head is saying he's a dick, he obviously doesn't give a toss about you or the life you've built together so why should I still care? Put myself through the pain? Some days I listen to my head and I feel strong.
Today, my heart is speaking louder and is saying the man I married, the man I love wouldn't do this to me, that there has to be an explanation, he must feel some remorse and he'll talk to me about it.
I know it sounds pathetic.

enfru Wed 01-Jun-16 19:48:17

I've tried talking to his dad about things but he's been no help. That's the only family he has.
We don't live near any family otherwise I would've gone for a bit just to get away from it all.

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