Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Would you let your 16 year old DD drop out of college to live with a 37 year old?

(161 Posts)
AYD2MITalkTalk Wed 01-Jun-16 00:17:36

She has mental health problems and has recently had a stay in a psychiatric hospital, her second admission. She's been meeting up with guys she's met online and it's one of those she's moved out to be with.

Okay, DD was me, a decade and a half ago. Would you have done the same? I know they probably couldn't have stopped me if I'd forced the matter, but should they have tried to keep me at home and in college?

AndNowItsSeven Wed 01-Jun-16 00:19:12

I would phone social services if she was my daughter, she sounds very vulnerable.

HooseRice Wed 01-Jun-16 00:19:25

My parents wouldn't have stopped me doing the same. Not that it makes it right.


PhylumChordata Wed 01-Jun-16 00:19:31


AndNowItsSeven Wed 01-Jun-16 00:19:44

Sorry you sounded vulnerable.

AYD2MITalkTalk Wed 01-Jun-16 00:20:18

Ugh, that sounds really confrontational and journalistic and weird. It's just that I'm looking back on my life and thinking, "I wish I hadn't done that" - I wonder why I made the decision sometimes. I often wonder whether life would be better if my parents had made me stay home somehow.

Glovebug Wed 01-Jun-16 00:21:41

No way would I allow my 16 yr old DD to do that

AYD2MITalkTalk Wed 01-Jun-16 00:23:06

I wasn't expecting so many people to post so soon - it's a tricky one, because I feel like if I start to think to myself that they could have done something about it, I'll start to resent them, and I really don't want to feel like that - I love my parents.

I was quite vulnerable but I was also very headstrong.

GiddyOnZackHunt Wed 01-Jun-16 00:23:57

I think somehow is your problem. How do you stop a 16 year old when they're determined and you're frightened of what they might do to themself.

AYD2MITalkTalk Wed 01-Jun-16 00:24:30

I mean, I seem really confrontational and journalisty, not anyone else! Sorry.

AYD2MITalkTalk Wed 01-Jun-16 00:26:31

Yeah, it's that "somehow". I don't even know what the legal situation is/would have been. And whether I would've resented them for making me stay.

PeppasNanna Wed 01-Jun-16 00:27:59

I would literally sot on my kid at 16 in this sort of situation.

When my dd was 24 & in a similar situation all i could was be supportive of her choices.

Bogeyface Wed 01-Jun-16 00:32:01

The thing is there would have been very little they could do legally. Although you are still under their care at 16, it would have been extremely unlikely that you would have been forced home by the police or SS.

Your parents possibly thought that by trying to keep you away it would have pushed you closer to him (probably true from what you have said) and that you would learn in your own time that it wasnt a good idea.

How is your life now? Did you leave that man?

dmsz Wed 01-Jun-16 00:32:54

I had a similar situation, but the guy was a lot older. My parents kicked me out and made me live with him. 15 or so years later and I still hate them for it. I don't think I'll ever get over it tbh.

Iknownuffink Wed 01-Jun-16 00:33:15

Like hell I would.

That said, let her know that she can always come home. Presuming that you have a home for her.

She has to make her own mistakes and live with the consequences. Sadly.

AYD2MITalkTalk Wed 01-Jun-16 00:35:29

He's sitting next to me on the sofa as I type… So yes.

I can't say I'm entirely happy about being in a relationship with someone so much older, but - well.

ColdTeaAgain Wed 01-Jun-16 00:35:42

No. would of done everything in my power to stop her.

AYD2MITalkTalk Wed 01-Jun-16 00:37:10

I do feel like I made my own decision, but - I sometimes wonder whether my life would have been better if they'd tried to get me to come home.

ColdTeaAgain Wed 01-Jun-16 00:38:46

You sound like you wish they had stopped you...

AYD2MITalkTalk Wed 01-Jun-16 00:40:40

I kind of do wish that ColdTea - I just don't know whether it would be fair of me to think that maybe they should have tried to get me to come home.

ColdTeaAgain Wed 01-Jun-16 00:46:16

Well did they try at all to persuade you to stay?

AYD2MITalkTalk Wed 01-Jun-16 00:48:32

I went to stay at his house at the other end of the country, to go to an event (which it turns out wasn't on that year), and shortly after that phoned to say I wouldn't be coming home. They didn't try to persuade me.

AYD2MITalkTalk Wed 01-Jun-16 00:51:57

I don't blame them - well, I don't want to blame them, at least. I was quite unstable and I guess they just didn't know what was best to do. I don't know. I suppose I want to know what most people would've done in that situation, to try and sort this out in my head.

DumbDailyMail Wed 01-Jun-16 00:52:20

I'd have done everything I could to convince you it was bad idea but maybe your parents thought they would have more influence over you by being on your side rather than fighting against you. They were probably expecting your would break up with him soon enough and that you would come home.

I'm not sure but I think it's become much more unacceptable for older men to date schoolgirls. I'd be horrifled and disgusted if it had happened to my DC and that goes for my sons and my daughters.

Lynnm63 Wed 01-Jun-16 00:55:15

I have a child of 16 if he moved in with a 37 year old I'd be in the car faster than you can blink. I might not be able to drag him home by his ear but by God I'd try.
Id also make it absolutely clear they'd only have to call me, any hour of the day or night from anywhere and I'd bring them home no questions asked.
I also wouldn't be accepting a 16 year old staying halfway across the country with a 37 year old to attend any event.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now