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how do you switch of parent mode?

(8 Posts)
wildlingtribe Tue 31-May-16 22:38:25

I find this so hard at the minute.

I have forgotten how to be a girlfriend/ romantic, spontaneous etc. Flirtatious with my partner of ten years.. We have four littles aged 5,4,2,newborn! I know it'll take time but I'm note sure how to be anyone but mama

Aussiebean Wed 01-Jun-16 00:38:54

I am a teacher and sometimes I go all teacher on my dh. It does not go down well.

I would say sometime doing stuff for yourself that does not rely on you being a mum. Space where you are you and not a mum. And some date nights would probably help to.

suspiciousofgoldfish Wed 01-Jun-16 01:05:21

Wow.... I am nowhere near you in terms of children numbers and ages (no wonder you're finding this difficult!!), but I can understand how easy it is to just become 'mum'. You kind of lose yourself with young children. Your life is all about them for the first few years.

My advice isn't anything new or groundbreaking, but I think it's so important to get away and spend time on your own and as a couple - no kids around.

If there is any way you can do this, do it. Beg, steal, bribe, borrow friends/relatives/babysitters and make time to go out with your husband for a drink or dinner or whatever.

I when DH and I do this (he is quite firm about this, I have to admit it takes effort because I am always tired/can't be bothered/just want to go to sleep!, but when he does manage to persuade me I feel so much happier afterwards.

It's like we remember why we got together in the first place, and we're not just discussing children the whole time.

Similarly for you on your own, you need adult time or simply alone time to do something you enjoy.

Hobby, going for a walk, or just going to a cafe and reading a book on your own, whatever you need to do, do it.

You'll come home more refreshed and patient and appreciative of things.

SomethingOnce Wed 01-Jun-16 01:52:40

You have a newborn and you're worrying about being flirtatious with a long-term partner?

If this isn't a wind up and you're not actually the partner, I salute you!

Kiwiinkits Wed 01-Jun-16 02:37:05

Give yourself a break, you've got 4 kids, one of whom is a newborn. All you realistically need to do is tell your partner you love him every now and then. And openly appreciate the things he does to contribute to your family.

wildlingtribe Wed 01-Jun-16 20:00:19

I don't have anytime to do my own thing. So finding relationship time too is hard!

I try to not worry as having three and a newborn is tiresome, but I haven't felt able to be 'me' outside of mum for a while.

Kiwiinkits Wed 01-Jun-16 22:39:36

Can you employ a mother's help for a couple of afternoons a week? I found a student to help when my youngest was a baby. I just set her up with jobs like washing windows or peeling carrots or taking the toddler to the park. It was a lifesaver.

corythatwas Thu 02-Jun-16 09:14:18

frankly, I have found that, what with growing up and that, I am naturally less flirtatious and romantic than I would have been 10 years ago, with or without children

the salvation for us as a couple has been to find other ways to relate: doing things together, laughing about things going wrong, learning new things and finding common interests, having a good time as the (somewhat middle-aged) people we are rather than frantically scrabbling to get back to the young newlyweds we once were

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