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really confused about my relationship

(8 Posts)
peanutbutterbaguette Tue 31-May-16 18:33:42

I don't know where to start. I feel like I have got myself into such a mess and I am totally trapped. I have been in a relationship with someone for over 5 years now. I am pregnant with his child. It was planned, and I do want the baby very much.
I am not totally committed to my partner in my head. I go through phases of thinking that everything is great and that he is everything I want, and then phases when everything he says makes me think we are wrong for each other. I have no clue which is the real feelings and which feelings are genuine. I am so fed up of being uncertain and I wish I could stop doubting the relationship. I want us to be happy and for him to trust me, but he knows that I am not fully committed and so it makes it worse.
I think that part of my uncertainty comes from my own issues and not being able to trust my own judgement, but I don't know how to fix this. I have had lots of counselling, but it is expensive and it feels like it would take years to get to the bottom of it all. I am so worried about setting a bad example to my child, and for them to not grow up in a loving family.
I often think that we would both be better off with other people, but then sometimes I think that is just thinking the grass is greener on the other side. I have had a few relationships before this one, and they always feel the same when I am in them, and then afterwards I realise that they weren't so bad.
I am not sure if anyone can help me really, I am just so confused and I don't know what to do.

daisychain01 Tue 31-May-16 22:50:52

Sorry to sound harsh but I am struggling to understand how you "planned" for a child, but your thoughts and feelings are all over the place.

I'd focus on the practical reality of that baby you are going to have to bring up either on your own or with the father. That has to be your priority, doesn't it?

Maybe all that over analysis and indecision has to be put on the back burner and channel your energies towards having the baby.

springydaffs Tue 31-May-16 23:13:50

It's worth spending £££ to get to the bottom of it imo, however long that takes.

It must make you feel very unsettled sad

Oddsocksgalore Tue 31-May-16 23:21:34

I only read half of that.

Why on earth did you plan to get pregnant knowing you weren't committed.

Poor kid.

thestamp Wed 01-Jun-16 02:16:42

It sounds like you have avoidant attachment style. Google it. There are books that can help. There's nothing wrong with you per se - you just need to be realistic about your needs and limitations. Good luck

springydaffs Wed 01-Jun-16 11:03:23

I would guess you could see on paper it was a good deal but had your doubts - ie didn't trust your judgement. Which is your core angst.

Not everyone is blessed with clarity, oddsocks.

peanutbutterbaguette Wed 01-Jun-16 19:17:35

I can see it must be difficult to understand why someone would make decisions this huge whilst being uncertain but when you live with complete uncertainty all your life, you have to make choices sometimes when you aren't sure otherwise nothing ever happens.
I am not really sure why I posted here. I think I was just feeling really frustrated and needed to vent a little.
I've heard about the attachment styles before stamp. I will look into it again thanks.
There is no doubt that the 'poor kid' will be loved by me and my partner, regardless of whether we stay together or not, and they are most certainly my main priority.

rumbelina Wed 01-Jun-16 19:28:08

Bloody hell, oddsocks, there was no need for that. You didn't even read the full post.

Ignore, OP!

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