Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

What rights will the father of my baby have

(10 Posts)
babyduenov Tue 31-May-16 14:17:49

I'm currently 18 weeks pregnant and not having the best time. When I found out I was pregnant I told my partner who decided he didn't want the baby and left me cos I wouldn't have an abortion. Long story short I have been trying to sort things out so he can be a dad (I strongly believe kids should have their dad around) but he hasn't made it easy. Anyway after a whole lot of emotional abuse over the last 18 weeks he started blackmailing and threatening me on Saturday night. I was terrified and went to my parents in a mess. He currently doesn't work and is living in his wife (they separated 4 years ago but never divorced) spare room.
I was so close to calling the police. His wife had text me the night before asking if he was with me (he wasn't) as he had gone missing and she had called the police. He has a history of depression and has tried to commit suicide before. He stopped taking his meds of his own accord and doesn't see a doc as he thinks he can manage it himself.
As well as that on sat he wished me and my baby dead and said he believed he wasn't the dad (he was the only cheat so I can 100% guarantee he his), he swore a lot about his son from his marriage and said he hated him. Obvs that is on top of the threats and blackmail.
He has text me apologising for Sat night but I'm terrified of what he'll do next time he's drunk as this isn't the first time something like this has happened. He's saying he will take me to court for access and I just want to know where I stand? ntil this point I have constantly said he is more than welcome to come to my house as often and for as long as possible to build a relationship with the baby once it's born. Now I don't want him anywhere near us. What rights does he have.

Owllady Tue 31-May-16 14:21:44

So he thinks he's not the dad, yet he's blackmailing you for access?
Tbh it sounds like he isn't stable and although, like you, I think it's preferable to have a good father, I'm not sure he will be. I'd limit all contact you have with him now and change your phone number, block him on email etc and then have a good think about what is best in a few months time
Look after yourself atm. Don't engage

SandyY2K Tue 31-May-16 14:28:12

If I were you I'd report him to the police, then change your number and move house getting as far away from him as possible.
Make sure the threats are on record as it will strengthen your case to prevent him having access.

Regarding his rights he could take you to court forcing a DNA test to have access but he doesn't sound like the type to do so, unless purely to get to you.

I have to ask why you'd get involved with a man still living with his wife and who hates his son. Seems like the red flags were ignored.

babyduenov Tue 31-May-16 14:44:44

Thank you! Yes he keeps changing his mind. When he's drunk he's not the dad then when he's sober he is!

babyduenov Tue 31-May-16 14:46:51

We got together 4 years ago and he had separated from his wife when we met. He's moved back in as he has nowhere else to go and no money. And he didn't/doesn't hate his son. It's just what he says when he's drunk

VestalVirgin Tue 31-May-16 15:41:55

It's just what he says when he's drunk

Drunk people and children speak the truth, as the saying goes. Not to say that his claiming to not be the father of your child is true, but ... it's his real face is what I suspect. He just can pretend to be a normal person better when he's not drunk.

With regard to your question: Too many. He has too many rights. If he proves that he's the father, by forcing a genetic test, then you have almost no choice but to give him access.

Perhaps someone better versed in UK law can give advice on how to get out of this. If at all possible. There might be a loophole you could use by marrying some man you trust before the birth of the child.

CantAffordtoLive Tue 31-May-16 15:50:55

I also think you need to keep a record of all threats and texts and inform the police. A good idea to move away from the area if you can.

babyduenov Tue 31-May-16 15:58:37

Thanks for all your help! I have a record of everything. Thanks guys!

smilingeyes11 Tue 31-May-16 16:02:47

The father has no rights at all - but a child has a right to a relationship with a parent if it is safe to do so.

But tbh the way he is your best bet is report him to the police and advise your midwife of what he is doing too. So if at any point he tries for access you have a full and clear official record of everything he has said and done. And birth certificate - well you do not need to put him on it. My advice would be to cut all communication with him and look after yourself and your baby and have nothing to do with him at all and hope he does keep away from you for good.

Atenco Tue 31-May-16 23:25:25

He certainly sounds problematic.

You don't have to put him on the birth cert. which would give him parental responsability, but he could take you to court (it would cost him) to have DNA tests done and get his name put on the cert. If you think he is likely to do that, then it is probably a good idea to move away.
Some children have nice dads, some children have horrible dads and some children never see their dads, life is like that. I only saw my dad about three times between the age of four and seventeen and I think my life was the better for his absence.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now