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DH downplaying my health problem

(9 Posts)
frazmum Tue 31-May-16 09:51:37

Briefly, have a compressed disc. Had a lumbar injection a few weeks ago which hasn't worked as expected & sciatica has worsened but did get a small increase in mobility for a while.

Next option is surgery which scares me & need to go to GP to discuss this. However DH is downplaying it all as there was an initial improvement, says I'm being being melodramatic and only old people discuss medical issues as much as I do.

Normally he's really supportive when me or DC's are ill. I'm confused and now wondering if he's right.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 31-May-16 12:27:37

How can he be right?
Can he feel your pain? Nope
Does he know how you are feeling? Nope
I've no clue how to him to support you more though.
Get the appt with the GP and have the op.
If it's going to help then you need to have it done.
What other things have you tried?

OurBlanche Tue 31-May-16 12:49:29

He may be terrified for you!

DH was much the same when I went through a throat cancer scare. He was very scathing/dismissive of my fears. But he drove to the hospital, sat through the appointment with me and held my hand... he never once said "I told you so" when the diagnosis was clear, he just hugged me and said "Thank god for that"

It might be that your DH had put all his hopes for you into that injection... and now feels worse/more scared now the reality is surgery.

Talk to him, shout at him, tell him that the last thing you need is the man you love telling you that your pain and fear are unreasonable. Add that you will happily take a blunt knife to his foreskin if he wants to know what your pain levels are like!

frazmum Tue 31-May-16 12:52:46

Have tried Osteopath, Physio but MRI shows a lot of damage. The injection & surgery are only options which specialist Physio, pain doctor & osteo agree on.

Just nervous about going to GP as 1. Doubting myself and 2. What support I'll get if have to have surgery.

Joysmum Tue 31-May-16 12:53:22

My DH used to downplay my fears thinking I'd be less scared if he did. It just wound me up and made me feel stabby and unsupported so I called him on it and told him the only way to calm me was to talk things through logically.

He doesn't do it anymore thank goodness.

Dozer Tue 31-May-16 12:57:37

Sorry about your problem and pain.

He is very wrong on this and what he said was cruel. Back pain can be horrible, long term and life changing.

Please see your GP and get referred asap about the options, and to discuss pain relief (eg there are specialist pain clinics).

frazmum Tue 31-May-16 13:41:10

I think some is that he's more of the ignore & may go away camp. But also I'm the one who usually does the supporting with more serious health matters for DH & DC's. DH & DD21 have chronic health conditions plus DH has had a few ops DH. So perhaps PP are right in that this is his way of coping.

Very unfair though as who supports me!

Finola1step Tue 31-May-16 13:52:08

Ah...so you do all the supporting and when you are in need, he wants you to grin and bear it. He probably is shitting himself that this could really put you out of action and he doesn't know what to do or say.

Time to get tough. Look him straight in the eye. Tell him that you are in agony. The worst physical pain of your life. This isn't just going away. And now it is his time to step up and help you. No compromises. In sickness and in health was the deal.

FWIW you have my utmost sympathy. I had a trapped nerve in my neck last year. It was without doubt the most painful thing I have ever experienced. Was made worse by poor initial medical advice which damaged a big nerve running down into my hand. Very scary not knowing what would happen. But mine was nowt compared to what you are going through.

Chin up and tell him straight. In fact, if your dc are older than pre teens, tell them straight too.

frazmum Tue 31-May-16 13:54:29

Ouch a trapped nerve. That must have been so painful.

Think I'll just go back to GP and tell everyone when everything put in motion.

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