Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

What actually is an affair anyway?

(13 Posts)
swimmingforsanity Tue 31-May-16 09:34:58

The subject says it all really - what is an affair to you? Is it sex? Is it emotional intimacy? What is it ok for your husband / partner / wife to do and not to do? Is it ok for them to have a personally intimate relationship where there is emotional investment as long as there is not sex or is that almost worse?

AllPowerfulLizardPerson Tue 31-May-16 09:41:10

It's whatever the betrayed partner says it is, basically.

Why do you ask?

Lumpylumperson Tue 31-May-16 09:45:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCladdagh Tue 31-May-16 09:47:32

Is this for an article, or is there some reason you're going for the breezy journalist tone, rather than 'I am feeling a strong emotional connection to a colleague and wonder if I'm wandering towards the terrain of an 'emotional affair'?

AuntieStella Tue 31-May-16 09:48:00

'Not Just Good Friends' by Shirley Glass is good about boundaries and how they are breached.

In general, once you start wondering if you have gone too far, you have.

DraenorQueen Tue 31-May-16 09:54:55

Lumpy that's absolutely spot on!

Lumpylumperson Tue 31-May-16 09:58:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

velocitygir1 Tue 31-May-16 10:01:32

Rob parsons has written lots of good books-his 60 minute range are all fab!

Wonderful motivational speaker too.

For me the affair starts when the other person starts to think inappropriately about that person.

Lumpylumperson Tue 31-May-16 10:06:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hangingoutattheendofmywick Tue 31-May-16 10:09:38

Dr Phil said an affair is anything you do that you wouldn't do if your partner was stood watching.
So to me that would be something as little as texting someone else.

Arfarfanarf Tue 31-May-16 10:20:10

I agree with that, hanging.

People know what an affair is. If they are hiding an interaction with another person, they do it because they know they're on dodgy ground. No matter how they attempt to justify it to themselves.

TheNaze73 Tue 31-May-16 11:21:18

hanging beat me to it, about what Dr Phil's definition is. At the end of the day, affair feels to me, like a Mills & Boon badge, for cheating

Joysmum Tue 31-May-16 12:56:31

Yep, an affair is repeated behaviour that you need to keep secret from your partner because you know it crosses their boundaries (but may try to convince yourself it's easier that way, or the subject hasn't arisen).

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now