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Have you ever tried to rekindle an old friendship you let go?

(4 Posts)
BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn Mon 30-May-16 22:00:41

A few years ago I met someone at a group and we beapcame good friends very quickly. I could tell her anything, we would talk for hours and hours and never run out of things to say.

Then she upset me. I won't go into it as it's a long story but I felt humiliated and she felt she was right. I had an AIBU thread about it and was told it was definitely her and I had done nothing wrong.

After that it got a bit awkward and we seemed to drift. She got more 'in' with a certain set of people who were very 'wannabe middle class', I don't know how else to describe it. There was a very large group of us and the difference between people was quite obvious, there were the 'wannabes' and the other who were louder, more in your face, acting stupid and childish and they felt the others looked down on them. I was very much in the middle and didn't feel completely part of either one but liked people from both 'sides'.

I then felt my friend changed. Her life started going in a different direction, which was great, but with it she was just different. DH definitely picked up on it. I struggled and distanced myself. I hate confrontation and she tried to talk to me when I was in a bad place (imminent death in the family) and I said I couldn't deal with it then. That's actually the last time I saw her.

Lately I've been missing her, but I think it's the friendship we had in the beginning. We have a mutual friend who met up with her recently and I had confided in her about missing old friend. She said if it came up she would mention it to her to gauge a reaction. It never came up so nothing was mentioned. Turns out she is quite pretentious and is still very much the person she changed in to. Our mutual friend didn't enjoy seeing her at all and isn't going to bother again.

Have you ever got in touch with someone you 'let go'? If you did was it a bad thing or a good thing?

kerbys Mon 30-May-16 22:18:01

I had a best friend for many years and we drifted apart. I think over time we both tried to patch things up, but it just didn't work. Whatever caused the rift was still there and it felt forced. We still send cards and there's no bad feeling, people change, that's all.

LateNightEveningProstitute Tue 31-May-16 06:24:39

I have recently rekindled a friendship I had let go.

I think I was right to let it go, I don't suppose she does. I've rekindled it for reasons of mutual friendships and shared social activities and it just makes the world a better place.

We still laugh together, go out for dinner, hang out, etc... But I haven't forgotten what she said and our friendship will never be the same. I will never again confide in her the way I used to.

In your case, it sounds as though she's 'reinvented' herself and it is this new incarnation of her that you don't like. That's probably not going to change.

Snoringlittlemonkey Tue 31-May-16 06:58:03

Have you considered that maybe your not right for each other? You sound resentful that she wants to change herself and should stay as you want her to be. You've called her pretentious and middle class wannabe so you're quite judgemental of her.

Perhaps it wouldn't be right for either of you if there is no capacity for growth or change.

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