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Is it emotional abuse?

(16 Posts)
KateBookReader Mon 30-May-16 21:25:32

Hi, i'm new to mums net but just hoping for some advice as i'm finding it difficult to open up to people in my life.

I think my OH is emotionally abusing me. Every time we have a bicker or the slightest disagreement he threatens that he will leave me. It makes me scared to ever raise a disagreement with him or a concern and so I just keep my thoughts to myself. Every time he says he 'doesn't think the relationship can carry on' I just break down, and he can just sit and watch me whilst I sob showing no emotion. He knows he is everything to me and he knows he can just make me feel this way if he says it. As a result of this I just try to keep the peace. Our arguments are never huge by any means, maybe because he's gone out and I haven't wanted to text him etc. I just worry, will this carry on forever?

Maybe i'm being dramatic I don't know... has anyone else been in this situation? I just need some advice... how do I make him stop.


HahahahaFuckYou Mon 30-May-16 21:28:31

Yes it is emotional abuse. When he next threatens to leave show him where the door is.

kittybiscuits Mon 30-May-16 21:31:01

Yes it is. Next time he pulls that stunt just say 'I completely understand- I'll help you pack your bags'.

Middleagedmumoftwo Mon 30-May-16 21:31:07

Sounds like the balance of power in your relationship is very much in his favour, and he appears to enjoy seeing you suffer...what is the background to your relationship? How long have you been together?

KateBookReader Mon 30-May-16 21:33:07

We've been together 5 years and have no children which I'm thinking is somewhat of a blessing considering the situation

seeyounearertime Mon 30-May-16 21:35:04

It will only carry on whilst you allow it too. Next time tell him to Fuck off then.

princessmi12 Mon 30-May-16 21:38:57

Are you sure he does it on purpose?
Honestly there are people out there that hate slightest confrontation and too emotional about those things . It usually originates in MH issues

KateBookReader Mon 30-May-16 21:39:30

He says he will leave but then after it's finished he says he loves me.. he makes me feel like I'm being somewhat dramatic. Am I?

KateBookReader Mon 30-May-16 21:40:40

princessmi12 - I don't know to be honest, it certainly feels like does and that he gets 'enjoyment' out of knowing he has this hold on me?

girlwithagruffalotattoo Mon 30-May-16 21:43:52

Yes, it's emotional abuse

mineofuselessinformation Mon 30-May-16 21:44:19

The 'hate you, love you' thing is a great big red flag waving at you.
He uses 'I love you' to reel you back in after he's been a shit, doesn't he?
If you're feeling this way, don't wait for the next argument, just tell him to go. Be ready for more emotional blackmail, though.

0phelia Mon 30-May-16 21:45:26

Maybe you are incompatible.

It's totally not acceptable for him to shut off all debate by saying "We're not working" simply because you disagree with him.

It's normal to disagree. It's not normal to flounce off and overreact every time someone disagrees with you.

KateBookReader Mon 30-May-16 21:47:00

After the bicker it's me that grovels and says sorry but I don't know what I'm sorry for! Then he says he loves me and he forgives me... I apologise but I haven't written/spoken about this before so it's hard for me to understand to.

princessmi12 Mon 30-May-16 21:53:18

You might be completely right just would suggest to watch his behaviour closely and try to estimate those episodes with a cool head . maybe write a journal,record all these incidents and read through later on or ask reasonable RL friend /family to read through and form opinion. Is it genuinely controlling abusive behaviour on his part or he himself having MH issues unrelated to your relationship

MsMims Mon 30-May-16 21:56:16

He sits and watches you sob with no emotion? Horrible.

You don't deserve that OP, no one does. You deserve to be cherished and cared for, not ignored at your most vulnerable times.

KateBookReader Mon 30-May-16 22:30:28

Thank you MsMims- Just such a confusing situation, makes me feel so down.

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