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I need to leave here

(5 Posts)
user1463422113 Mon 30-May-16 20:48:07

I'm new here and joined just so I could post this. I really need some help /advice. I'll try to make a long story short...
I've been with my husband for 20 years and 10 years ago we left England and emigrated to a Greek island. Since we've been here we've had 3 beautiful children. For the last 6 months or so I have not been happy here and very recently I've been downright miserable. I desperately want to move back to England. With every day that passes I hate living here more and more. Reasons... There is absolutely nothing to do here. There is nowhere to go with the children, nothing to do. It is BORING beyond belief. I realise now that my so called friends are not friends at all. For more than seven years I have been parenting on my own with NO support at all. I'm exhausted.
Since the birth of my last child a year ago I have been missing my parents so much. I am so aware of their mortality and I want to spend time with them, more importantly, I want my children to know their grandparents, not just for 2 weeks a year. I need something more. I just went back to England for 2 weeks and thought it would rekindle my love for Greece, but it done the opposite. I want to be in England with my family.
I've told my husband how I feel but he doesn't want to leave Greece. I spend all day alone with my baby while the older 2 are at school. Husband works and I don't see him. The oldest 2 come home and I am horrible to them. I can't wait for bedtime, then I cry because I was mean to them and I love them so much.
Husband came home tonight to find me in tears. He got grumpy. He knows how miserable I am but can't find a solution. I love him but I'm not in love with him. How can I tell him that when he keeps telling me how much he love me?
So what do I do? I can't take my children away from their dad and I can't take him away from them. If I stay I will have a nervous breakdown. I can't stay and I can't leave. I'm stuck. Please help me.

LadyReuleaux Mon 30-May-16 21:24:27

You and your H are a partnership so his wishes don't get to trump yours. If you feel very strongly that you should be back in England, and he would manage there, he should consider it. After all you have spent 10 years there being where he wants to be. I'd keep telling him, calmly and assertively, that you are not happy and you want to move back. he may think he loves you but if he won't take your feelings into account, and gets annoyed with you for being upset, that's not very loving.

What does he do? Could he or you / both of you get jobs in the UK? Would the kids be OK with the mov e do you think?

Also, can you see a doctor? You sound very stressed, and maybe depressed.

AgentPineapple Mon 30-May-16 21:42:02

I am saying you are a SAHM? Could you perhaps go back to England to live and visit on school holidays. Although I appreciate your DH won't like this either but it's a meet in the middle? I think you should see your doctor though, you do sound very stressed and depressed. Hope you are ok OP

mayneverhireAnannyagain Mon 30-May-16 21:55:48

Please don't be tough on yourself about not being in love with your husband. It is actually very normal. After the first "being in love" phase, that can last as little as 6 months in some cases, most couples' love settles, each start to see the other person's faults and negatives, and there are ups and downs where you are mostly happy or may be wondering if this is all. Unless there are clear reasons why people are incompatible, it is usually best to ride out the bad times, speak to the other person and try to find solutions so you both can be happier.

I agree with the others that you would benefit from some counseling. You sound like you are a bit isolated, without family nearby or true friends, and that is very tough when you have a baby and other children to care for.

I hope you feel better soon! flowers

CommonBurdock Mon 30-May-16 22:30:44

Hi OP. Unfortunately I've had your exact experience (not Greece but elsewhere in S Europe) and know exactly how it feels, the cultural isolation and boredom is unbearable and can't be remedied by joining a mums and toddlers group. I sympathise totally.

There is no easy answer. You didn't say if your H is British or Greek? Have you asked him straight whether he'll move back to the UK? Have you told him you literally can't take it any more? What are his job prospects like in England? Are you able to work in the UK and arrange childcare which would improve family living standards for example? Sorry for all the Qs but you have to build your case and present it to him in the most positive way possible. My XH also professed undying love for years, while watching me slowly go insane with all the stress (I was main breadwinner + 3 small DCs). Because he was happy where he was, he didn't want to do the 1 thing that would've made the difference, until it was too late.

But until he's onboard with the moving back idea, your options are very limited. It all depends on your personal circs.

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