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Friend meeting unsuitables on on-line dating

(23 Posts)
concertplayer Mon 30-May-16 19:04:53

She is 39 childless single career woman,
She has been flooded with responses and has been out every evening
for the past month.
no 1 Guy -very compatible They had 2 dates and then he phoned to say
sorry his ex-wife had come back
no 2 Separated but turns out still living in the attic of the marital home
no 3 Divorced 4 children -only free once a fortnight
no 4 Failed to turn up
n0 5 After a month and 3 dates refuses to give home tel no
Married
no 6 Meet for a drink tries to follow her home waving a pack of
condoms
These are only a sample of what is on offer. Some are so bad
I could not transcribe here.

witchofzog Mon 30-May-16 19:18:41

I am unsure what response you are seeking. I have done old and there are a LOT of unavailable or just out for a shag or just weird men.

How does your friend feel about things? Is she wanting children? Vulnerable? Putting herself in dangerous situations?

If she perseveres there ARE some decent man on there. I met my DP on pof and many of my friends both male and female also me their partners.

I would just say be there to laugh at the bad ones and as a "safety call" maybe to get out of a crap date if she needs it smile

Hotwaterbottle1 Mon 30-May-16 19:58:55

It's her life, as long as she being safe then I don't understand your issue?

TheNaze73 Mon 30-May-16 20:02:11

What is your point?

AgeOfEarthquakes Mon 30-May-16 20:02:36

What are you hoping to get out of this thread?

It's no surprise, surely, that you meet all sorts of men OLD? And there are definately some odd ones out there.

MadeMan Mon 30-May-16 20:20:51

"no 2 Separated but turns out still living in the attic of the marital home"

That's sounds a bit like the Addams Family.

He's up in the attic doing the monster mash, so who have they got living downstairs in the crypt?

PanGalaticGargleBlaster Mon 30-May-16 20:23:15

You have an unhealthy interest in your friends dating life.

She is a grown women and capable of navigating the world of online dating. OLD is ultimately a numbers game and I am sure she will eventually meet a decent comparable game even if means wading through two dozen muppets first to find him.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster Mon 30-May-16 20:25:10

Grrrrr. Auto text, that should read considerate guy

frieda909 Mon 30-May-16 20:29:22

After a month and 3 dates refuses to give home tel no

You mean a landline? Why would she need his landline number anyway? I'm not sure I'd be keen to give that information out after only 3 dates either.

I'm also wondering what your point is here...

concertplayer Mon 30-May-16 20:48:52

The point is they all seem b. useless.
Actually I find it sad as all these people have problems
and must think old desperate. In fact a number admitted they
are doing old as no one in rl would put up with them!!!
Oh well at least she had some nice meals
I am only looking out for her safety etc

PanGalaticGargleBlaster Mon 30-May-16 21:01:52

If you do online dating for long enough you soon develop a better radar for spotting the time wasters and bullshitters, I know I did. It's rare to meet someone with long term relationship material on your first few dates, at least when you fine tune your radar the quality of your dates improve so at least even if the chemistry is not there the evening can still be a pleasant one. Leave her to crack on with things, she will develop her own strategies.

NerrSnerr Mon 30-May-16 21:11:21

Why does he need to give his home phone number, I couldn't tell anyone what mine is and I'm not dodgy!

Cabrinha Mon 30-May-16 21:53:47

In what way are you looking out for her safety?
Is she making obviously poor choices and you're the one who stopped her each time continuing to date each of these men?
None of those sound terribly unusual for OLD though she does sound like she's had a bad run.
No shows are normal, and the divorcee without much time isn't awful. The guy who went back to his ex... that's standard "just not into you" excuse for breaking things off when you feel awkward doing so. I used it once myself!

One thing I would say... If she's had a date every evening for a month (really?) then I suspect she's not been at all discerning in her choices. She needs to get better at weeding people out. It's good to meet quickly, but not indiscriminately.

Another thought - both times I did OLD, I had a huge rush of offers in the first weekend, and still a surge through the first couple if weeks. Frankly; fresh meat! It does mean that you get contact by every single man who is a scatter gun type, approaching EVERYONE. So you've got a high number of chancers and players. All the more reason to be more discriminating about who to meat.

And a quick drink is better than getting stuck with a no hopper for a fell meal. Cheaper for her too.

I don't get your comment about at least she gets nice meals - I'd rather have a piece of toast on my own than a Michelin star meal with a man I don't fancy on a first date!

BettyCrystal Mon 30-May-16 22:02:38

Why is she doing online dating? Does she have any way of meeting nice fellas in everyday life? In all my single years, I just got chatting to blokes. Would that approach work better for her?

PanGalaticGargleBlaster Mon 30-May-16 22:19:44

What's wrong with online dating Betty? Half the people I know met their wives/husbands online.

Trills Mon 30-May-16 22:24:29

I agree with Cabrinha.

It sounds as if she could be doing better weeding-out before investing any time in people.

It does not sound as if she needs you to look out for her safety.

BettyCrystal Mon 30-May-16 22:35:13

Nothing wrong with OLD at all. I've lots of friends who met lovely guys, got married etc... Was just wondering if meeting men in everyday situations was an option for her, as OLD doesn't seem to be working out. Or is OLD considered a last resort, when that route's been exhausted? I don't think that, btw. But have never tried OLD.

MistressDeeCee Mon 30-May-16 22:44:46

Im at a loss to see whats wrong here. Your friend is online dating, testing the waters. Nobody can weed out every single timewaster immediately, even if they think they can. You sound quite judgmental, and as if you have decided you know whats best for her. Well, perhaps you don't. She isn't you. Hopefully as an adult she will follow safety guidelines, which are normally listed on the dating site. Aside from that Id say listen if she has any concerns but don't make any judgments re the fact she is online dating. Its 2016 now there are many ways to meet. Not everyone has company/friends available to go out and about with regularly whether daytime or evening, in the hope of meeting someone. Especially once theyve reached late 30s. I think a woman has to kiss a lot of frogs when online dating but hopefully she will meet someone nice. It does happen

MadeMan Mon 30-May-16 23:03:54

"I agree with Cabrinha."

I agree with Cabrinha as well. I'd also rather have hot buttered toast than a Michelin star meal.

HermioneJeanGranger Mon 30-May-16 23:06:19

Nothing wrong with OLD or meeting people for dates and seeing how it goes. You're just as likely to meet dodgy guys down the pub if you go out every night and speak to different people.

You never know what someone's like until you meet in person, so at least she's not wasting weeks talking to them only to find out they're fuckwits in person!

LateNightEveningProstitute Tue 31-May-16 05:59:13

Yeah, I'm struggling to see the problem too.

There's nothing you can do. She's an adult and those men sound pretty standard for online dating. It's hilarious the men you meet. Honestly, you have no idea of the people who exist until you've done it.

But I also met some lovely men who just weren't for me. And yes, some men have difficulty meeting women in real life, just like some women do! I meet loads of men in real life; but none of them are suitable as boyfriends for me.

She should probably be more discerning, but she doesn't need your concern, sweetheart. Let her worry about her life and you get back to worrying about yours.

LateNightEveningProstitute Tue 31-May-16 06:00:42

When I was single and doing OD, I dropped a friend who was overly 'concerned about my safety'. Just so you know.

GinAndSonic Tue 31-May-16 08:24:01

I dated a guy who turned out to have nine cats, a few no shows, and a guy who turned up stoned. Sounds fairly standard. Not sure I see your problem tbh. She's met some guys who aren't suitable. That's all.

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