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Dating advice

(12 Posts)
BonneMaman77 Sun 29-May-16 20:51:45

A practical question on suitability of people we date in our late 30s / early 40s. Although I am worried some might think I am being superficial

Having seperated from my cheating husband last year, I started dating a new man. We have been dating for over three months. We adore each other and are very good together. Same work industry but different expertise. Similar outlook on life but different experiences which all make for interesting conversations and experiences.

He has spent the last couple of years building a product and has staked everything on it. So he is pretty broke now and if it fails he will have nothing. This brings him down, ie whether he should be in a serious relationship at all given his situation. By way of background we met on OLD both not looking for anything serious but hit it off too well from the first time we set eyes on each other (ok get a bucket)....he said he loves me on date 5! I have always been a slow burn, but he does melt my heart grin

It havent but I am wondering if it is something I should seriously consider. Given my/our age would I be silly to be seeing a man in his situation despite an otherwise lovely relationship?

Onlygingergothinthevillage Sun 29-May-16 20:58:05

I'm not sure what you are asking here?
Are you worried about his financial security and therefore his future prospects?
I'm a bit older than you but for me it had always been the man & not his money that were important to me. If you have a future with this man you wouldn't care if he was skint.

RosieandJim89 Sun 29-May-16 21:02:02

I don't think it would put me off unless the project was a bit unrealistic. DH has a friend who constantly embarks on a new venture that will "make him millions" when actually they are ridiculous pipe dreams (like being in a band even though he can't play his instrument and making in big within the next year --without doing any hard work--).
If you believe in his project and are happy together then keep going. If his project doesn't work out then at least he will have you to help build him back up.

HandyWoman Sun 29-May-16 23:25:02

Agree with RosieandJim89 if you believe in the project it wouldn't put me off. I guess if you work in the project you would take a view about how back-able the project is?

If the 'saying I love you in date 5' was a bit on a par with a 'shot in the dark business venture' I think I'd be --running for the hills- very wary.

Whereas if he protect has credibility (ie you genuinely support it) and he is just smitten with you then why not?

Although the saying I love you on date 5 would still have me doing a bit of a confused face and would need signs of him having his feet on the ground, but that's just me...

HandyWoman Sun 29-May-16 23:26:06

<strikethru fail>

JeanSeberg Sun 29-May-16 23:29:46

This brings him down, ie whether he should be in a serious relationship at all given his situation

Do you mean you're worried he's going to end the relationship?

Lilacpink40 Sun 29-May-16 23:29:51

If you're having some doubts why not slow things down for a while? It sounds as though you want to understand his decision making processes (and have given project as an example). Maybe he's impulsive? Not necessarily a bad thing.

revealall Sun 29-May-16 23:34:19

Not sure why he was OLD if he didn't feel right about being in a new relationship and his financial situation.
I would be concerned he was procrastinating rather than getting on with the project he has in mind.

HandyWoman Sun 29-May-16 23:35:32

Always good to think 'what do I want' in the dating process.... If you aren't thinking about having kids then there is absolutely no rush is there? In which case just play the long game and see how things turn out?? Keep your lives separate, enjoy dating and see what happens?? Do you feel like because he said the L word you should be following swiftly behind with words of love and commitment?

Because if you're not decided after 3 months there's really nothing wrong with that.

BonneMaman77 Mon 30-May-16 00:18:04

Thanks for your responses. You have given me comfort that it is the man. It didn't bother me until it started bothering him. He doesn't want to end our relationship.

I understand what his thing, it is very good and he has previously done similar so I do fully support him. We speak about it a lot. He is fully committed to it. Whether it gives him what he expects it to is another thing but it is good and he works very hard.

Handy, he is very intense and quite composed. in relation to the admission of love if he didn't say it would have been obvious. I was hmm and laughed when he said it. We were both completely smitten from the get go, the conversations and the chemistry were/are like no other I've had before. I haven't said it back to him as yet....but I am close.

Good idea to take it slow. That is also what we have decided in order to give us time to get to know each other.

Thank you everyone, you've put my mind at ease. Now let me go swoon at his pic grin.

Slowdecrease Mon 30-May-16 13:21:46

Youre 12 weeks in and enjoying the teenage phase of dating as you should. We've all of us who've had successful relationships from OLD been there grin enjoy it. His work or financial status has no bearing on your happy shagging (let's call it what is is ha) right now so enjoy this phase. The I love yous do tend to come quite quickly at our age - mainly I think because after all the horror stories about OLD we can't believe our luck! Of course we all know real love and intimacy takes a lot longer than a few weeks to develop but infatuation and enjoying being loved up is always a lovely feeling. Enjoy!!

ALaughAMinute Mon 30-May-16 15:39:46

You don't have to decide anything now do you? If you're happy together why not wait a while and see how it goes? He obviously feels bad that he hasn't got much money at the moment but perhaps you could support him in his project and offer him some encouragement if you're okay about it?

That said, if it starts to piss you off that he's got no money then maybe you need to think again. How broke is he? Can he afford to go out?

Saying he loves you on date 5 seems a bit over the top I must say!

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