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It's not you, it's ME

(7 Posts)
Busybee456 Sun 29-May-16 11:04:09

I'm 25 years old, female. No DC.

Every relationship I've ever been in, I've ended up leaving because I have got bored. I really like the person at the beginning, then anything between 6 months to 2 years I find I either start to fancy someone else or get "bored" of the relationship. I've never cheated, I always break off the relationship before it comes to that but towards the end I usually end up flirting with/fantasizing about other men. I'm starting to think I have a major problem. I don't know if it's that I crave excitement or that I just don't want to get too close to anyone or what. I have been in relationships with lovely men and ended up breaking it off just simply because I was "bored."

I know 25 isn't old but I'm worried if I don't get over this I'll never marry or have DCs. Does anyone think counselling would be a good idea? I'm not good with this sort of thing but I had a bad relationship with my DF (no abuse or anything just he was never really interested in me, he and my DM seperated when I was 2 and I haven't had any contact with him since I was 11 years old). I don't know if this is affecting my adult relationships but I really want to get over whatever issues I have. sad

thestamp Sun 29-May-16 11:11:26

I read recently that women lose interest in a sexual relationship within 2-3 years typically. And men take much much longer than that. But there us such societal pressure on women to "make it work" that we tend to ignore the loss of sexual attraction... and shove down our natural feelings in service of the idea that we "should" want a life long monogamous bond.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I think you're young and that no one has been wonderful enough to capture your attention beyond that initial lusty phase.

Play the field like mad. Just enjoy yourself. You are so young and, even if you weren't, you do NOT have to settle down with anyone. Ever. Not if it doesn't feel right. Wait for a man who REALLY impresses you... don't try to force yourself to commit to anyone... really!

suspiciousofgoldfish Sun 29-May-16 13:47:21

OP your post took me down memory lane...... I was like this at 25.

And why the hell not? You're 25 fir goodness sake!

As the pp said, enjoy this time, don't stress, the reason you get bored is because you haven't met the right person. Simple as that.

When you do, and you will, then marriage and babies can happen very quickly and you'll be glad you had your 'seed sewing' time so to speak.

Enjoy it now. You might not get this time back again (then again, you might divorce after 10years and get your second wind - who knows? grin)

Use a condom. Have fun.

Ifindoubtmumble Sun 29-May-16 14:09:26

OP, it might the case, as other posters have suggested, that you just haven't met the right man yet, or it may be that there really are underlying difficulties, stemming from your early problematic relationship with your father that have lead you to be fearful of intimate attachments. It's hard to know. It could just be that you have been attracted to men who have little to offer in terms of emotional and intellectual compatibility and once the lust wears off, there's not much left.

I was much like you for most of my life and it wasn't until middle age that I finally resolved my attachment difficulties and found someone I could bear to last the distance with. It sounds as though you do have a sense that something might be stopping you from committing to a relationship. If this is the case, you are young enough to do something about it in time to have a fulfilling relationship and children, if that's what you want. I don't see that counselling could do any harm. Best of luck.

YorkieDorkie Sun 29-May-16 14:09:33

I wouldn't worry about yourself! So you haven't found the right person. When you find your soulmate you won't get bored smile.

There's nothing wrong with you grin.

MissMargie Sun 29-May-16 15:42:30

How could having a father who was never interested in you not affect your adult relationships with men?
Many people have less than perfect relationships with DPs - the attitude is to soldier on, not make a mountain out of a molehill, put it behind you. Sadly ime that is not how it works and self esteem issues or whatever it is will be with you always. Def see a counsellor if you can afford it.

Busybee456 Sun 29-May-16 16:04:43

Thank you everyone, I feel a bit better. I ended my longest relationship (2 years) last week and I think I just suddenly thought oh dear there must be something wrong with me! I know I'm not old and it might be something I "grow out of" so to speak. I always thought I wasn't bothered about having no relationship with my DF but maybe there is something underlying. I'll take on board what you have all said!

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