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Is this situation fixable??(4 Posts)
Have debated with myself whether or not to post here looking for some advice as I'm unsure whether any can really be given, but have decided to give it a shot. Will try and keep it as short as possible, but apologies in advance as I think it will be quite long!
A close friend of mine recently confessed to me (whilst we were both drunk) that her feelings towards me are stronger than those you would normally have for someone who is just a friend. At first I laughed it off, mainly because I didn't think she was being serious as I always assumed she was straight but also because I suppose I was a bit embarrassed. I only realised she was in fact being serious when she got quite upset and starting saying how stupid she felt and that she never should have said anything as she knew there was no way I would feel the same. I tried reassuring her that there was no need to feel stupid, as it was very brave of her to admit her feelings, and that although I love her dearly as a friend and that I care about her a great deal, she was right to to think that I wouldn't feel the same way due to the fact that I am in a relationship that I am very happy in and because I am not, nor never have been physically attracted to women. She accepted this and asked if we could just forget about the whole thing as she would hate for our friendship to be ruined because of it. I happily agreed to this, as I would hate to lose her as a friend, but only if she was comfortable with doing so. She agreed that she was and everything was normal for about a fortnight - speaking every day, seeing each other as often as we usually would. Last night however things changed. I received a text from her basically saying
I can't carry on doing this and it's selfish of you to expect me to. I have tried to ignore my feelings for you but it's just too difficult so I think the only option I have is to distance myself from you all together
this was followed by
I'm so sorry I have to do this, but I can't see another solution. I'll miss you
I replied to say that if that was how she felt then I would have to accept that and that I hoped she was ok. Today she has been in touch apologising for any 'drunk texts' she might have sent as she was on a works night out and was very hungover today as a result of it. I didn't mention the messages that she sent, but I know that I will need to talk this over with her. I hate the fact that this is obviously causing her upset, but really don't know what I can do about it. I can't imagine not having her in my life, but if that is what needs to be done for her sake then I don't really have much choice do I? Any advice that anyone can give me regarding the whole situation would be gratefully received.
She's suffering and your friendship and being constantly in touch doesn't let her to move on.
She needs to distance herself until the point she accepts you are just platonic friends and nothing will ever happen between you too
If you love your friend in selfless way let her go and just accept her friendship back when she's over this
As pp said. Let her have a break and welcome her back when she's in a better head space.
After rereading OP I realise that it wasn't laid out very well, so I apologise if it was a bit of a nightmare to read!
I appreciate that it will be harder for her to continue with things as they are, than it will be for me to be apart from her for a while, so if distance and space is what she needs then I will happily give her it. I can't bear the thought of her being tormented by this, and will do whatever I need to to make this easier for her.
When we discussed things after she had told me how she felt, it was her that insisted we carry on as normal and that nothing would change between us. I will highlight the fact though that after last night messages, it's clear that (understandably) that isn't possible for her to do just yet. I just hope that when I suggest having a bit of a break from each other, she can see that I am doing it to help her and not to push her away.
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