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HIV - please advise

(20 Posts)
worriednow15 Sat 28-May-16 20:56:23

I was dating someone last year who has just informed me that he recently had a health MOT. Apparently he had had sex with a woman two years ago who had the HIV virus and he was concerned that, though he'd used a condom, he may have contracted it. He says he was given the all-clear and so has definitely not contracted the virus (he says). We used condoms each time we had sex but I am now very worried that I may have it. IF he is lying (which I doubt) is there a chance I could have contracted it from him even though we used protection?

poisonedbypen Sat 28-May-16 20:59:20

I think you are getting anxious about nothing. Why would be bother telling you if he was going to lie? If you are that worried just get a blood test.

Shadow1986 Sat 28-May-16 21:00:35

If he's told you he's clear and you always used a condom I'm sure the chances are nil, however, for your own peace of mind why not get tested yourself?

I still chose to have a HIV test during my current pregnancy, despite being with my husband 10 years and despite having a HIV test already during my last pregnancy 4 years ago. It's just good for peace of mind.

From what you've said though I really wouldn't worry!

YvaineStormhold Sat 28-May-16 21:01:24

I doubt it.

However, this anxiety is not going to go away by you reading a few strangers' words on a screen.

Go and get tested. Then get tested again, three months later. Then, when you get the all clear, you can relax.

If it helps, even if you had contracted the virus (by some miracle) it's not the 1980s any more, and having HIV is no longer the death sentence it once was.

coco1810 Sat 28-May-16 21:01:56

You're not going to have any peace of mind until you get tested. Different circumstances, but after a blood transfusion I was worried about HIV. I got tested and all clear. Make the appointment and good luck x

worriednow15 Sat 28-May-16 21:04:44

OK thanks - I will get a blood test. I have literally this minute found out and am really worried. I guess I need to get an appt at doctor's on Monday.

worriednow15 Sat 28-May-16 21:07:30

I'm so pissed off with him. He told me that he'd been anxious about whether he'd contracted it for the last two years and, having had the all-clear last week was really relieved. I told him that he should have told me. He argued that we'd always used condoms so no risk. I pointed out that condoms can break and also that he was concerned about himself and therefore was showing absolutely zero respect for me and the other women he'd slept with for not informing us and giving us the option of whether to then have sex with him. I'm not over-reacting am I?

Lelloteddy Sat 28-May-16 21:09:57

Find out where your nearest GUM/sexual health clinic is. You can self refer and they will be able to offer you advice and support pre test and afterwards if nessecary. It's always wise for anyone who is sexually active to have a full sexual health check up on a regular basis.

noeuf Sat 28-May-16 21:16:07

Op. Are you saying that he has had an HIV test over three mths after having sex with sow mine testing positive? And he is negative?

If the above is true, you cannot have contracted HIV from him (he doesn't have the virus).

However now that he has raised the issue I would wonder why? Get tested to get peace of mind.

lljkk Sat 28-May-16 21:19:48

People live normal length healthy lives with HIV now. It's not something to be happy if you get it, but it's usually very manageable.

LondonStill83 Sat 28-May-16 21:19:55

Op, when was the last time you had sex without a condom? I ask because this will determine whether you need one test or two.

HIV can ONLY be passed on through unprotected sex (unlike herpes and genital warts). That includes vaginal and anal sex, and some experts think oral though this is only really likely if you have open wounds in your mouth when giving. It's hard for women to catch when receiving oral due to saliva acting as a natural protector.

LondonStill83 Sat 28-May-16 21:22:05

Also, whilst it is true that HIV is now a chronic condition which is much more "livable" than it was say in the 80s or 90s, it is still a major health concern which requires ongoing medication, regular checks and daily management, can have many side effects and contraindications, and can make you vulnerable to many other illnesses.

It's not a walk in the park, and so it's important for people to still assess and prevent risk whenever possible:

BleakBetty Sat 28-May-16 21:29:48

Your chances are incredibly minimal but I totally understand your anger and anxiety. I know you can get instant HIV tests at participating Superdrug branches, if there's one local to you it may ease your mind more quickly. I think you do have to pay though.

worriednow15 Sat 28-May-16 21:30:38

London - I haven't had unprotected sex for six years (with long-term partner who was def clear). I had HIV test both times I had children and obvs got all-clear then. I haven't had unprotected sex with this ex who had sex with woman who has HIV virus. He says he used condom but was still concerned (that was two years ago that he had sex with her). I had sex with him last year over a period of seven months and we used a condom every time but I did give him oral sex (unprotected).

worriednow15 Sat 28-May-16 21:37:10

As well as being concerned for health I'm also so upset that he didn't inform me before we had sex. We were out for an evening together. He told me because he was saying that he'd been (he says irrationally) anxious about his own health. I told him he has had a total lack of respect for me and other women he's had sex with because he didn't tell us. I walked off and went home. Surely he should have told me!

GinAndSonic Sat 28-May-16 21:45:13

Go to a sexual health clinic and get a full test done. I just had one, including tests.for heb b and c as my partner has been sexually active with men too, it's a vaginal swab, a throat swab (plus anal swab if you have had anal sex) and one small vial of blood. At my clinic you can do the swabs yourself if you prefer. My clinic sends a discreet text saying "results clear" or asking you to call them if there is a problem. If you have been using condoms it's incredibly unlikely you will have caught anything at all if you haven't noticed a condom break, but it's worth taking an hour out of your day to get tested for the peace of mind. The staff are very pleasant and non judgemental at my clinic and didn't even bat an eyelid when I told them that for the last year, before we got back together, that I'd been having sex with a man who was also having causal liaisons with men. They just said it was good that I'd told them and they ticked the extra boxes for the extra analysis for hep. If you explain that an ex has suddenly mentioned having sex with HIV positive women they absolutely will be supportive and kind.

GinAndSonic Sat 28-May-16 21:46:47

And yes, I'd be furious that he hadn't disclosed contact with HIV before we had sex. It's disrespectful and, if he was worried he may have it, dangerous.

SomethingLike Sat 28-May-16 21:49:52

He was so out order putting you at risk as you say condoms aren't 100% reliable.

However since he has the all clear doesn't that mean you do too?

Please don't worry yourself sick over this the chances of you contracting HIV from what you've said are zero.

worriednow15 Sat 28-May-16 22:14:07

Thank you everyone for really clear and helpful advice. I probably am worrying irrationally but will go to clinic tomorrow. So pissed off with this guy - who seems to be bemused as to why I'm upset. Thanks all x

LondonStill83 Sun 29-May-16 16:14:54

Worried, the risk is absolutely minimal but for your own peace of mind just go and get a test (or order one online if you can where you are).

If you have always used condoms for the last 6 years you will only need one HIV test, as the three month window period won't apply to you.

I am sure you will be fine, but for peace of mind, just get tested.

I wouldn't worry too much about the guy- he's in the past so keep him there!!

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