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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DPs divorce saga

21 replies

thequeenofunreasonable · 28/05/2016 13:41

Okay, back story:

Before me and DP met he was married for 4 years. But the marriage broke down due to the fact that his Ex-wife cheated on him (multiple times throughout their relationship). The day he found out she left and that was the end of that.

As far as I know neither of them had filed for divorce by the time me and DP got together. I fell pregnant (unplanned - this is significant) very quickly into our relationship. During the pregnancy we decided that it was time to file for divorce.

At some point DP and his ex had had a conversation about filing and the grounds they would file on. She said she would contest the reason of adultery, so in the spirit of getting it done my DP filed under unreasonable grounds.

Paperwork was sent off but sent back promptly as DP hadn't give at least six instances of unreasonable behaviour
Due to complications in my pregnancy the paperwork ended up on the back burner and 6 months later she has decided she wants to get it sorted.

Fine by me. They have been separated for two years now, so I'm led to believe it's fairly straightforward.

Today she has text DP saying she has filled in the divorce papers and stated the reason as DP wanted a baby, she didn't and now he's had a baby with someone else

I'm so cross. She will not take responsibility for her actions and it makes me so bloody mad. I'm tempted to contact her and give her a piece of my mind (unreasonable, I know). I just feel like that cheapens our relationship and makes it seem like DP found the first willing womb!!

Urgh.

OP posts:

Report

DayToDayGlobalShit · 28/05/2016 13:45

Does it really matter what is on a divorce paper? I don't know much about getting divorced but does anyone actually see it apart from the parties involved?

I am happy to be corrected

thequeenofunreasonable · 28/05/2016 13:47

No, it doesn't particularly matter, I suppose. It just irritates me that she's used that reason and the fact that she's taken no responsibility for what she did

OP posts:

HoppingForward · 28/05/2016 13:48

Honestly, let her get on with it and move on.

You have a lovely baby on the way and family life to enjoy, who cares what she puts as long as it gets done.

Oddsocksgalore · 28/05/2016 13:49

She's just trying to cause trouble op.

Just laugh at her and shrug it off.

Congrats on your pregnancy.

TheNaze73 · 28/05/2016 13:51

She's a cock. Sounds very bitter

BeautifulMaudOHara · 28/05/2016 13:51

Leave it - after 2 years separation with consent there doesn't need to be a reason
Without consent it's 5 years iirc

newname99 · 28/05/2016 13:54

Many people struggle to take responsibility for a marriage ending.If they have been separated for 2 years he can suggest irretrievable differences however no one can cheapen your relationship unless you give them permission.

Are you happy with your partner? Just focus on the end result, which is getting divorced.I would be much more concerned about you having a baby with a man who is still married.
Once the divorce is done he will not need to have contact with her so she will be out of your life.

VimFuego101 · 28/05/2016 13:57

When he responds to the papers, I believe he can state that he disagrees with her statement but agrees to proceed with the divorce.

DoesMyMarthaCliffLookBigInThis · 28/05/2016 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thequeenofunreasonable · 28/05/2016 14:02

I am very happy with my partner, yes.

I know I should just let it go. I really, really know. Perhaps I'm just hormonal and protective.

Ever since we've been together she has found reasons to contact him. She bought him a Christmas present, congratulated him on our pregnancy and bought a present for the baby.

OP posts:

Rebecca2014 · 28/05/2016 14:03

Oh grow up. Does it matter what it says on the divorce papers? Your oh couldn't be bothered to sort the divorce out for 6 months so the ex took over, didn't want put adultery down so made some excuse up.

My sbeh lied and said we been separated for 2 years when he applied for our divorce, couldn't think of times I displayed unreasonable behaviour. It didn't matter to me.

Cookingongas · 28/05/2016 14:04

You can't file a divorce stating your own adultery. I have friend who tried. She filed stating he had cheated ( after explaining why) as the other route was to make a horrible list of unreasonable behaviour he'd displayed ( none- she knew she was in the wrong) perhaps his exwife is fed up of waiting so has picked the lesser of evils?

thequeenofunreasonable · 28/05/2016 14:06

Yes, totally get all that. He has dragged his feet and so she has taken over. Fine. It's just that reason that gets to me - but I guess you're right, in the grand scheme of things it doesn't bloody matter.

OP posts:

SanityClause · 28/05/2016 14:13

It doesn't matter. It really doesn't.

He wants a divorce, and this will enable it to happen.

Means to an end.

It's a pity divorce almost has to be acrimonious. It would be much easier if you could just cite "irreconcilable differences".

Wherever the fault lies doesn't effect the money side, or any decision regarding children, either.

So, where both parties agree to a divorce, they should just be allowed to crack on, IMO.

paniniswapx3 · 28/05/2016 14:19

Let it go - it really doesn't matter & nothing she can do can cheapen your relationship. Good luck with your pregnancy.

AyeAmarok · 28/05/2016 14:27

Let it go. This really doesn't matter.

You might feel a bit sensitive to her saying this because you had a baby together so quickly maybe? And you think having this documented as The Reason for the divorce makes it more true that this is what happened.

If you know it's not, then it really doesn't matter what she thinks/says.

AllPowerfulLizardPerson · 28/05/2016 14:39

Having a baby with someone else is demonstrable adultery (doesn't matter that she was also adulterous) so it should be clear grounds for it all to go ahead immediately.

ilovewelshrarebit123 · 28/05/2016 14:58

When my cheating ex husband divorced me for unreasonable behaviour (yes really)! He wrote the most awful three page bullet pointed bull shit I've ever read

I was heartbroken and it just wasn't true, but my solicitor said something wise, you're going to get divorced anyway, he's paying for it, only the judge sees the rubbish he's written, so let it go through.

I did and he's since admitted it was lies, but who cares, I'm divorced from the cheating idiot!

SanityClause · 28/05/2016 15:06

Affect, not effect.

MadisonMontgomery · 28/05/2016 15:15

The thing is, it doesn't matter. Nobody except yourselves, solicitors and the judge know what grounds you used, it isn't like it goes in the paper or anything. Just forget about it.

coco1810 · 28/05/2016 19:19

Meh, she's a bitch who's trying to stir the shit. Let her do it, you get the divorce you want and get to move on with your life. She sounds a very sad, twisted bitch. Rise above it and congratulations on your baby

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