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DPs divorce saga

(22 Posts)
thequeenofunreasonable Sat 28-May-16 13:41:42

Okay, back story:

Before me and DP met he was married for 4 years. But the marriage broke down due to the fact that his Ex-wife cheated on him (multiple times throughout their relationship). The day he found out she left and that was the end of that.

As far as I know neither of them had filed for divorce by the time me and DP got together. I fell pregnant (unplanned - this is significant) very quickly into our relationship. During the pregnancy we decided that it was time to file for divorce.

At some point DP and his ex had had a conversation about filing and the grounds they would file on. She said she would contest the reason of adultery, so in the spirit of getting it done my DP filed under unreasonable grounds.

Paperwork was sent off but sent back promptly as DP hadn't give at least six instances of unreasonable behaviour confused
Due to complications in my pregnancy the paperwork ended up on the back burner and 6 months later she has decided she wants to get it sorted.

Fine by me. They have been separated for two years now, so I'm led to believe it's fairly straightforward.

Today she has text DP saying she has filled in the divorce papers and stated the reason as DP wanted a baby, she didn't and now he's had a baby with someone else angry

I'm so cross. She will not take responsibility for her actions and it makes me so bloody mad. I'm tempted to contact her and give her a piece of my mind (unreasonable, I know). I just feel like that cheapens our relationship and makes it seem like DP found the first willing womb!!

Urgh.

DayToDayGlobalShit Sat 28-May-16 13:45:34

Does it really matter what is on a divorce paper? I don't know much about getting divorced but does anyone actually see it apart from the parties involved?

I am happy to be corrected

thequeenofunreasonable Sat 28-May-16 13:47:37

No, it doesn't particularly matter, I suppose. It just irritates me that she's used that reason and the fact that she's taken no responsibility for what she did

HoppingForward Sat 28-May-16 13:48:37

Honestly, let her get on with it and move on.

You have a lovely baby on the way and family life to enjoy, who cares what she puts as long as it gets done.

Oddsocksgalore Sat 28-May-16 13:49:40

She's just trying to cause trouble op.

Just laugh at her and shrug it off.

Congrats on your pregnancy.

TheNaze73 Sat 28-May-16 13:51:02

She's a cock. Sounds very bitter

BeautifulMaudOHara Sat 28-May-16 13:51:14

Leave it - after 2 years separation with consent there doesn't need to be a reason
Without consent it's 5 years iirc

newname99 Sat 28-May-16 13:54:17

Many people struggle to take responsibility for a marriage ending.If they have been separated for 2 years he can suggest irretrievable differences however no one can cheapen your relationship unless you give them permission.

Are you happy with your partner? Just focus on the end result, which is getting divorced.I would be much more concerned about you having a baby with a man who is still married.
Once the divorce is done he will not need to have contact with her so she will be out of your life.

VimFuego101 Sat 28-May-16 13:57:03

When he responds to the papers, I believe he can state that he disagrees with her statement but agrees to proceed with the divorce.

DoesMyMarthaCliffLookBigInThis Sat 28-May-16 13:57:15

She sounds like an utter bitch but tbh, if he doesn't have anydc with her then I would just go with it and treat it as a clean break. Not worth you worrying and being annoyed at, which I assume is what her aim is. At the end of the day, everyone involved knows the real reason for the divorce, a few lies written on paper doesn't absolve her actions.

thequeenofunreasonable Sat 28-May-16 14:02:05

I am very happy with my partner, yes.

I know I should just let it go. I really, really know. Perhaps I'm just hormonal and protective.

Ever since we've been together she has found reasons to contact him. She bought him a Christmas present, congratulated him on our pregnancy and bought a present for the baby. angry

Rebecca2014 Sat 28-May-16 14:03:40

Oh grow up. Does it matter what it says on the divorce papers? Your oh couldn't be bothered to sort the divorce out for 6 months so the ex took over, didn't want put adultery down so made some excuse up.

My sbeh lied and said we been separated for 2 years when he applied for our divorce, couldn't think of times I displayed unreasonable behaviour. It didn't matter to me.

Cookingongas Sat 28-May-16 14:04:41

You can't file a divorce stating your own adultery. I have friend who tried. She filed stating he had cheated ( after explaining why) as the other route was to make a horrible list of unreasonable behaviour he'd displayed ( none- she knew she was in the wrong) perhaps his exwife is fed up of waiting so has picked the lesser of evils?

thequeenofunreasonable Sat 28-May-16 14:06:59

Yes, totally get all that. He has dragged his feet and so she has taken over. Fine. It's just that reason that gets to me - but I guess you're right, in the grand scheme of things it doesn't bloody matter.

SanityClause Sat 28-May-16 14:13:49

It doesn't matter. It really doesn't.

He wants a divorce, and this will enable it to happen.

Means to an end.

It's a pity divorce almost has to be acrimonious. It would be much easier if you could just cite "irreconcilable differences".

Wherever the fault lies doesn't effect the money side, or any decision regarding children, either.

So, where both parties agree to a divorce, they should just be allowed to crack on, IMO.

paniniswapx3 Sat 28-May-16 14:19:04

Let it go - it really doesn't matter & nothing she can do can cheapen your relationship. Good luck with your pregnancy.

AyeAmarok Sat 28-May-16 14:27:17

Let it go. This really doesn't matter.

You might feel a bit sensitive to her saying this because you had a baby together so quickly maybe? And you think having this documented as The Reason for the divorce makes it more true that this is what happened.

If you know it's not, then it really doesn't matter what she thinks/says.

AllPowerfulLizardPerson Sat 28-May-16 14:39:52

Having a baby with someone else is demonstrable adultery (doesn't matter that she was also adulterous) so it should be clear grounds for it all to go ahead immediately.

ilovewelshrarebit123 Sat 28-May-16 14:58:53

When my cheating ex husband divorced me for unreasonable behaviour (yes really)! He wrote the most awful three page bullet pointed bull shit I've ever read sad

I was heartbroken and it just wasn't true, but my solicitor said something wise, you're going to get divorced anyway, he's paying for it, only the judge sees the rubbish he's written, so let it go through.

I did and he's since admitted it was lies, but who cares, I'm divorced from the cheating idiot!

SanityClause Sat 28-May-16 15:06:14

Affect, not effect.

<slaps own hand for poor grammar>

MadisonMontgomery Sat 28-May-16 15:15:30

The thing is, it doesn't matter. Nobody except yourselves, solicitors and the judge know what grounds you used, it isn't like it goes in the paper or anything. Just forget about it.

coco1810 Sat 28-May-16 19:19:40

Meh, she's a bitch who's trying to stir the shit. Let her do it, you get the divorce you want and get to move on with your life. She sounds a very sad, twisted bitch. Rise above it and congratulations on your baby flowers

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