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How to tell DB I'm in a relationship with his best friend?

(19 Posts)
Redisthenewblack Fri 27-May-16 20:18:17

NC as this and previous posts could be identifiable.

As it says in the title basically.

Been seeing DBs best friend for a few months. It's all been kept quiet as I've been going through a divorce. We now feel it's time that we can be open about our relationship, but how do we tell DB that doesn't make it sound like a cheap fling, but also doesn't make us sound like we've been sneaking around behind his back for months?

So as not to drip feed, I'm very close to my brother. We kept it quiet as we didn't want to say anything if it wasn't going anywhere and also because of my divorce.

Any suggestions how we can break it to him gently?

LadyMumble Fri 27-May-16 20:27:19

Have a think about whether you want to tell him together or whether one of you tells him without the other one present. With the first option he could feel ambushed or blindsided, with the second he might be annoyed with whichever of you doesn't tell him. You know him best so will be able to choose the better option.

As long as you make it clear that your feelings for each other have gradually developed recently and that it hasn't been a long term 'deception' then what is there for him to be annoyed about?

Remember Ross in F.R.I.E.N.D.S - "my sister and my best friend" with an angry tone, quickly changing to "my sister and my best friend" with a happy, loving tone. Hopefully your brother will have a kind reaction and find it a pleasant surprise.

Congrats on a happy romance, and good luck getting out into the open.

WiseToTheLies Fri 27-May-16 20:27:25

Can you engineer a meeting in a public place such as a party, pub, birthday, other event and 'get chatting' to give the impression that you simply met then and take it from there? Did you know each other well before you split with your dh? Do you think anyone else knows about you? Have you told anyone? It's tricky,

SandyY2K Fri 27-May-16 20:32:31

I'm not sure there's a gentle way.

Apart from it being his best mate is there a reason he'd object?

Perhaps you meet up with your brother and tell him you're seeing his friend and how it all started. I'm sure he'll want to know how it went from whatever the status was to being in a relationship.

Did he have anything to do with the divorce?

I'd say your relationship will change their friendship.

Redisthenewblack Fri 27-May-16 20:53:58

Our relationship had nothing to do with my divorce. I met him months after I'd separated from exh.

My brother introduced us at a football match. We got chatting, realised we had a massive amount in common and that we live close to each other. We discussed openly in front it my brother going out for meals/drinks as friends as we were both feeling a bit cut off and lonely due to previous relationships. DB knows we are 'friends', but doesn't know it's progressed further.

I told DB when I first met DP that I thought he was attractive and jokingly asked if he'd mind if I chatted his mate up. He laughed it off and said of course that was fine. I know he wouldn't have any reason to object, it just feels a bit awkward having to tell him somehow.

Redisthenewblack Fri 27-May-16 20:56:07

Lady funnily enough we were watching that episode of friends the other day and both almost cried laughing.

PerfectlyPosed Fri 27-May-16 20:59:20

Funnily enough I was going to suggest having sex up against a window where your brother could see you a la Monica and Chandler but I've had a wine grin

bonnyscott Fri 27-May-16 21:00:45

It sounds to me that your brother will be happy for you both.....X
Enjoy and good luck!

LadyMumble Fri 27-May-16 21:31:42

He's already given you his blessing, even if it was hypothetical, he didn't object. I see this going well.

Imagine his best man speech at your wedding, he will have so much material to work with being so close to each of you! wink

Redisthenewblack Fri 27-May-16 21:51:33

Lady we have also joked about that're not my DP are you? grin

LadyMumble Fri 27-May-16 22:03:35

Haha! I must be on the same wavelength.

When are planning on telling your brother then? You'll have to update us with how it goes.

Redisthenewblack Fri 27-May-16 22:16:47

DP is at a festival this weekend so it will likely be some time next week.

He wants to tell him but isn't sure how to word it.

I've suggested something along the lines of 'you know Red and I got on really well when you introduced us....well we've been spending quite a bit of time together recently and are thinking we will see how things go as a couple'...sort of thing.

I'm not nervous about DBs reaction as such. He's a very literal kind of bloke and will say it as it is so we'll both know where we stand. It's just the wording.

I'll definitely update though.

Thank you for your support and making it feel less daunting.

StillYummy Fri 27-May-16 22:18:50

Make it clear to db that no one else knows and your telling him first. He will hate if he thinks loads of people kept it from him.

Redisthenewblack Fri 27-May-16 22:28:46

still that is a good point and it's also the absolute truth. I'll make sure that is mentioned. Thank you.

LadyMumble Fri 27-May-16 23:30:35

Good idea to make sure db knows it hasn't been a secret from just him. Your wording sounds perfect, hopefully your dp will be able to say it naturally when he is full of nerves about it. Sure it will go fine, tell him to do it quickly, like ripping off a plaster!

SandyY2K Sat 28-May-16 03:28:15

I hope it all goes well. What your DP suggested saying to your brother sounds fine to me.

usernoidea Mon 06-Jun-16 16:31:03

Did you ever tell your brother? If you did I hope it went better than you were expecting X

Redisthenewblack Mon 06-Jun-16 18:29:54

We've not told him yet. DP is still not sure how to word it. We're going to a festival this weekend (outs self) so looking like it'll be next week at the earliest before we get chance to speak to him now.

On the plus side, we went on a family night out at the weekend and DP came (DB invited him) so he's now met the family without any awkwardness. grin

LadyMumble Sat 25-Jun-16 22:35:06

Hi Red, how's it going with dp? Have you told your brother yet?

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