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husband left me

(11 Posts)
Mummyoftwo91 Fri 27-May-16 09:43:50

My husband left me about 3 weeks ago, I'm really struggling to cope, every day I wake up feeling so empty and this pain just doesn't go away, I have 2 children and everyone says they will keep me busy and keep me strong but I feel like they are just a constant reminder he's not here, I feel so hopeless I can't wake up another day feeling like this it's too much to bear sad I'm trying to keep busy but nothing takes my mind of it, I don't know how to keep going I just wish I wasn't even alive right now the pain is overwhelming

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Fri 27-May-16 09:51:51

You sound like you're in a bad place. Can you get family to rally round? Tell close friends how you are feeling?

I'm sure someone will be along with words of wisdom soon.

Please stay strong x

SilvaCaledonia Fri 27-May-16 09:59:59

It's awful. I'd suggest seeing gp or nurse at practice and seeing if you can get some beta blockers and low dose diazepam just to get you through the panic and racing heart/sick feeling.

Maybe try to get some counselling to talk about it safely? If not, then second telling friends and family. People k ow how it feels and will want to help.

Try to get out and about even if you really don't feel like it. Make easy meals and don't stress about housework.

Start to make plans of good stuff that you might want to do; and focus on sorting out practicalities.

See a solicitor and find out where you stand.


Mummyoftwo91 Fri 27-May-16 10:02:50

I've had family and friends rally around when it first happened but feel like they have all forgotten about me and today I really could have done with being with someone and they are all busy, I was tempted to go to the gp and get something but I'm wondering if maybe I should just ride this out without them? I just feel so lost in every way I miss him so much I was with him for 10 years I don't know how to live without him by my side

Chasingsquirrels Fri 27-May-16 10:12:43

Oh sweetheart!
I know the pain you are feeling is so tough (been there).
I just battled through it, it is so very hard.
But eventually it does get better, you forget for short periods, then longer ones, the somehow you are happy again.
For some people that takes longer than others, but 3 weeks is no time at all.
It took me at least a year, probably more, and only really on getting together with now DP did I totally heal.
Take all the help and time that you need. If you need help ask for it, people will want to help but not know how.
Take care of yourself.

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Fri 27-May-16 12:58:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SandyY2K Fri 27-May-16 19:08:25

Here's what not to do :

Don't beg him to come back
Don't profess love to him
Don't talk about anything except kids and
essential home or divorce matters
Don't look miserable when you see him
Don't put your life on hold for him

Here's what you need to do:

Ask when * (not if)* he'll be filing for divorce and on what grounds. You shouldn't be kept dangling

Look upbeat

Dress well and look good for yourself

Find things to fill your time with (exercise/new hobby/seeing family and friends )

Focus on you and the kids

Do something you've always wanted to or work towards it

See a lawyer immediately

Arrange proper visitation for him to see the kids while seperated. He should collect and bring them back at a set time

Sort out child support and spousal support if applicable.

Mummyoftwo91 Fri 27-May-16 19:26:43

Not been to a lawyer yet I asked him about Divorce and he shrugged it off, finance wise he is still giving me money and is being decent about it he has a cash in hand job, he is seeing the kids twice a week at his mums and all that seems fine, were on good terms, the split knocked me for 6 we were fine and had no problems and seemed happy he just got up one day and said he wasn't happy anymore, there was no one else involved. He has not seen me cry once even though I'm a mess I'm trying to remain dignified infront of him, looking good when I see him ect, I just miss him so so much, he's acting like this isn't bothering him at all which is either a front or he just doesn't give a shit. I feel so empty living my life without him no matter how busy I keep myself I just feel devestated

coco1810 Fri 27-May-16 19:37:09

I haven't been in your position, but do you think seeing an impartial person to talk through your feelings is the way forward? I would make an appointment to see your GP. They may not even suggest any medication but some counselling. Who knows you might not need it when an appointment arrives. I throughly agree with sandyY2k . Practicality is the way forward.

SandyY2K Fri 27-May-16 20:07:18

Good for you not letting him see you upset. I'm sure it must be devastating, not even getting the chance to sort out the cause of his unhappiness.

I think that's a terrible way to treat your wife. Just to up and leave like that. He should have spoken to you about being unhappy before just walking out like that.
That's a very immature way to deal with issues in a marriage. Talk about being blindsided.

Was he depressed or acting differently before he left?

Any major changes or life events?

Looking back were there some clues that anything was wrong?

You don't need to answer this, but did you have a good sexual relationship? Sometimes that side of things is dead and one day one spouse can't take it anymore and leaves.

Only he knows whether or not anyone else is involved. I've known people to leave while in an affair and lay low until everything has blown over, then emerge with a new partner. It's done so they don't look bad and to be accepted by the family.

If he's unhappy enough to leave like that, then he should have realised a divorce is the end result. Unless he's keeping the door open just in case....

I would not be best pleased to be dangling in your position and would file for divorce. It's like he's giving you a tiny bit of hope and sitting on the fence, so I'd knock him off the fence. It's like trying to control your future.

Mummyoftwo91 Fri 27-May-16 21:41:04

Thanks for your reply, he was acting differently he crashed his car drink driving the week before which was very unlike him, he has a long term illness and hates his job situation so maybe that tipped him over the edge, I know for a fact there is no body else, he has issues relating to his Health that would make him too self conscious to be with anyone else but me in that way. Our sex life was great, we had planned holidays and trips away for the rest of the year in just feel very blind sited, I have always thought he had some sort of depression but me and his kids were the one good thing in his life I am the only positive supportive person he has. I'm trying to keep moving forward like he's never coming home

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