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Lonely and no friends .. What is wrong with me / my life?

(15 Posts)
Sellingyesterdaysnews Thu 26-May-16 23:27:35

Maybe someone can help me get a bit of perspective. It seems I lost my equilibrium a couple of weeks back . It was the anniversary of some family deaths and since then I am pretty stressed and feeling not myself. On top of this I am working away this week and feel so lonely..not only because I am missing my family but because I know I have neglected my own social life because I am out at work so much.
I had some close friends but now I don't get in touch with them anymore they aren't really friends anymore. Looking at facebook( I know) I see pictures of work colleagues having an amazing time out on meals and trips and god knows what.
I love being home with my family but even there I have so many worries and so much work I am exhausted at the weekends!
Then that seems to jump into feeling I have wasted my whole!! Someone please help me/ lend me a grip .i am not happy but how to fix it? Do I socialise more, both in real life and on Facebook, or do I accept I am not a Facebook sort of person ( I often deactivate ) and give up with it completely?
It feels like I am always fighting a battle, to improve myself, to be happy.. But it isn't working.

Sellingyesterdaysnews Thu 26-May-16 23:49:15

Sorry ... What can anyone really say?
So much negativity just breeds more negativity.

MsMims Thu 26-May-16 23:53:35

Obvious to say but don't pay much attention to Facebook. People usually only post the highlights of their lives on there, not the real grind of everyday life.

Do you want to socialise more, do you just feel you should be? If you're an introvert that's fine, if not how about joining a hobby group or club?

wavingnow Fri 27-May-16 00:07:33

Nothing wrong with you OP. Do a search and you will find lots of similar posts at various times and see you are not alone. It's a bit like the saying, laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone. Sadly people post about how wonderful life is on facebook as PP said, not the boring mundane stuff, stay away from it, if it makes you feel bad.

Negativity like you said and you don't need more negativity right now. Family deaths not even one death, sounds like you have had a lot to get through. Give yourself time. Walks are so good especially this time of year and spreading a few smiles to those you pass is easier to do in the sun.

Sellingyesterdaysnews Sat 28-May-16 01:01:47

Thankyou. Feeling a little better now back home. Strange how I just completely lost my equilibrium for a while .

Iknownuffink Sat 28-May-16 01:13:56

You do know that it is OK to feel down.

You cannot please everyone.

Be kind to yourself

Sellingyesterdaysnews Sat 28-May-16 01:20:14

It's as if I think I have to be positive . I was really struggling ..not sure why. And also, why I cant just accept it and get through it, I don't know. Loneliness I think.

Sellingyesterdaysnews Sat 28-May-16 19:16:58

I am at home resting. Still feeling upset and down but in a more mellow way. I think I have really missed ds and just feel sad about all the bad things that have happened, with some work stress on top.

Greenyogagirl Sat 28-May-16 19:21:56

Hi, I moved 100 miles away, thought I'd make friends at my sons school, son got excluded and is on part time timetable. It's just me and him, he's severely autistic and has health problems and only does 9-12 school days (he's 6) so I totally get the lonely, no friends thing.
I figured out that Facebook was making meters worse and I like the idea of lots of friends but can't put the effort in! So I started to say hello to the neighbours, having conversation with the guy who runs the charity shop (and now coffee and cake there too!) baby steps but it makes me feel more human anyway!

MatildaTheCat Sat 28-May-16 19:28:03

Maintaining friendships is hard work. However,mif you had old friends who you haven't seen for a while it's perfectly possible to rekindle that. It's really healthy to have relationships with people outside of your family.

Whilst you are away why not send some chatty emails to a few of those old mates. Apologise for being so shocking at staying in touch whilst your life has got in the way and ask for their news. Say you'd love to catch up if they have time. I bet you that some of those friends will be very pleased to hear from you and will want to catch up.

Then you make a firm arrangement and stick to it. Next thing you know you have a few dates in your diary each month and a life outside of work and family.

Good luck and please consider doing this. My friendships are an utterly essential part of my life and I do put in the effort to keep them. Showing an interest, remembering the details of their lives and having some fun together. It adds such quality.

andadietcoke Sat 28-May-16 19:33:05

Facebook is not real life. You know this. I came off Facebook in February. Today I imagined the photos I would have posted of my DTs in nice clothes and me looking summery and relaxed. Those photos would not have reflected me losing my shit umpteen times this morning, nor being up since 4:44, nor the stress of taking toddler twins on the bus and then a 30 minute walk to the wrong part of Hyde Park.

Haworthiia Sat 28-May-16 20:09:09

People only put the shiny stuff on Facebook. It's not real life. If you looked at my (rare!) updates you'd see a cute baby, nice house and lots of smiles.
The reality is that I don't have any close friends either - I moved abroad and the people I thought were friends have just not bothered to keep in touch. I'm isolated and anxious and depressed.
'Matilda*s advice is excellent. Do that. And be kind to yourself

Sellingyesterdaysnews Sat 28-May-16 22:44:56

I wish I could ' like' all of your posts..they are all very kind and insightful.
My family came round tonight and my dad and ds are now home so I have had company and they missed me so I feel happier. It's just work is getting in the way .. But I have to work. I have to sacrifice a lot for my work and this sometimes gets me down.
Seems I'm not too good at being on my own, and tiredness always makes me miserable.
So feeling better tonight smileStrange to be so changeable in my mood though sad

Sellingyesterdaysnews Sat 28-May-16 22:45:25

Dd not dad

Greenyogagirl Sun 29-May-16 16:52:27

Glad you're feeling a bit better X

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