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Communicating during separation

(7 Posts)
GoldenOrb Thu 26-May-16 22:02:57

H and I already separating and trying to make financial and custody arrangements. He is being insistent that all discussions are in person face to face, and refuses to enter into any correspondence via email. I am finding this really difficult. I work much better in writing and am finding that he seems to manipulate conversations to always result in me feeling as though I am in the wrong, and he also currently seems to be in a rush to get everything signed off despite spending the last 6 months in denial of a split.

Aibu to either say I want to enter into some discussions via email, or have them with a mediator? I don't want to waste time or money on a mediator if there is no point but I also want to be sure I am making wise decisions without being pushed or pressured into them.

TresDesolee Thu 26-May-16 22:08:56

Not unreasonable at all. I'd put it pretty much as you've put it here (in writing in an email!) - that these are hugely important decisions, it's crucial that you have time and space to make sure you're thinking things through properly, and that the only way you can do this is in writing. If he'd much prefer face to face then offer to go halves on the cost of a mediator (unless he's abusive or really deeply manipulative, in which case DO NOT do mediation - get a solicitor pronto)

TresDesolee Thu 26-May-16 22:12:27

The fact that he's trying to rush you would ring slight alarm bells with me tbh. Are you confident that you understand your legal position and what you're entitled to in terms of shared assets, pensions, savings, child maintenance etc? Dividing up a marriage is complex. Lots of solicitors offer an hour free to give you a quick overview of where you stand. You'll maximise this if you turn up with all the relevant paperwork, mortgage statements and agreements, account balances, p60s (his and yours) etc

SleepingTiger Thu 26-May-16 22:13:23

Meet when you want to. Email when you want to.
See it through yourself, bugger the mediator. You have one already - its this.

GoldenOrb Thu 26-May-16 22:20:49

I do have a solicitor and so I feel fairly confident that I know what I may be entitled to. Of course his solicitor has told him something very different so he keeps telling me what his solicitor says, which makes me doubt everything my solicitor has said. He has a very good way of making me doubt everything about myself. He thinks that my memory is terrible (and to be honest it is pretty bad) but he said I should go to the GP about it because I was remembering conversations that he had had completely wrongly. Hence me suggesting an email conversation because at least then it would all be in writing and there would be no doubt about what had been said by whom.

TresDesolee Fri 27-May-16 07:46:19

If your memory isn't great, all the more reason to have a written record of everything. Suggesting you go to the GP sounds emotionally abusive. Be wary OP - if you have the funds do all of this via solicitor. Give mediation a swerve

SomeonesRealName Fri 27-May-16 07:50:36

Hmm and has anyone else noticed your "poor memory"? The man sounds abusive. He's certainly not your friend and nor is his solicitor. Get a shit hot lawyer.

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