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feeling unsure - marriage

(21 Posts)
wobblywonderwoman Thu 26-May-16 18:20:37

Compared to 99percent of people I am lucky. I know that.

but I am so unhappy. I feel shaky and sad. I am not sure is it my job. Poor relationship with my mother or my marriage. I have two very small dc and dh works evenings so I am on my own a lot (work full time but from the end of work until morning I am alone)

I am the type of person who would rather be on my own but I think even I am too lonely now to want to be fully alone.

I married dh. I was badly hurt before I met him. we married and had children within three years of meeting. there has never been much physically or much fun but we are good to each other. My work is highly paid and again the sensible option. local and sometimes I enjoy it.

but I feel desperately sad. I don't have many friends. I don't have any fun. dh would happily live his life without anything fun going on ever again. he likes his dinner and doing diy and doesn't drink. I said to him today we are very different people.He said he thinks his life is exciting and he does loads.

What do I do? I book the babysitter or occassional holiday. He wouldn't dream of it. I feel so unhappy

pocketsaviour Thu 26-May-16 18:24:18

I would suggest seeking individual counselling. You don't sound like you know what you want out of life - or even who you really are. Perhaps you have been trying so hard to survive, that now you're in a safe place you don't know how to deal with it?

wobblywonderwoman Thu 26-May-16 18:31:15

I think I don't know who I am. I have always been 'the good girl' then I went to uni and felt like I could be myself. Loved it. Then I got a sensible job. moved back near my parents and they are quite controlling and I just went back into myself.

I love my dc. I am at the top of the ladder in terms of my career. I can't shake this feeling off. I am so angry with everything. I don't want to visit my parents because Its constant criticism. I am Catholic. I believe in being a good person and sticking with things. I don't feel like a good person anymore. Dh was a single man until he met me. He grew up in a very repressed type of home. loving and warm and happy but very regimented and no treats and then he feels like shouldn't be about fun

purplebud Thu 26-May-16 19:03:31

The thing about fun keeps coming up in your posts. Maybe have a think about what would be fun for you. It's important to play, even as an adult. You can have treats and fun and still be a good person. 'Being good' to me is about sharing joy.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 26-May-16 19:13:38

You can go out and have fun with friends. Humans need that.

Expecting your DH and DC to provide your fun and friendship is a recipe for misery.

Go out, make friends, do whatever is fun for you.

After that, see how you feel about your marriage.

wobblywonderwoman Thu 26-May-16 20:05:58

I would love to have fun again but I love in a very isolated area and tied to dc every night without help. Weekends dh is tied up with things. I need to find something to do though and take full responsibility for my own happiness

purplebud Thu 26-May-16 20:33:01

It sounds like good place to start. Nothing you could do on your own? Or joining something on the Internet? Or negotiate some help from DH?

Dozer Thu 26-May-16 20:36:47

Sorry you're struggling at present: Could you afford a regular babysitter to go out to meet friends or some kind of club or class? Or something with work colleagues?

Would you and DH consider a move away from your difficult family?

purplebud Thu 26-May-16 21:10:25

You might need to negotiate some weekend time for youself to go and have a bit of fun. You do sound very isolated and being isolated with tiny children can get really wearing. Are your work colleagues any fun?

CommonBurdock Thu 26-May-16 21:23:42

I've been where you are OP and to some extent still am. How small are the very small DC?

wobblywonderwoman Thu 26-May-16 22:19:24

They are 1 and 2

SleepingTiger Thu 26-May-16 22:24:51

You are not in love with him though.

wobblywonderwoman Thu 26-May-16 22:35:42

I do but it's not in the way I feel a Buzz but what chance is there of that

SleepingTiger Thu 26-May-16 22:43:01

It's a pretty miserable life for all of you if it continues. I know you don't love each other, so stop lying about it and get on with your own lives but put the children first.

wobblywonderwoman Thu 26-May-16 23:07:13

I am not lying

purplebud Thu 26-May-16 23:18:51

Sleeping tiger I am not sure it is good to tell other posters that they don't love their husbands!

CommonBurdock Fri 27-May-16 07:16:40

Your kids are tiny and take up all your time. It's very hard, I found it impossible to get any time for myself when mine were that small but I should have tried harder at prioritising my own needs, it might have saved my marriage. Your world can become very small when you're spending all your time either working or looking after tinies. Neither me nor H had any fun at all when they were toddlers and that was a big mistake.

Make a list of all the activities/hobbies you would like to do and then find one that's feasible even in your isolated area. You might have to try a couple, before you find one you like. Budget for it and find a good babysitter, it's not impossible. There will be something even if it doesn't immediately appeal.

Ebony69 Fri 27-May-16 18:47:32

OP, you mention that your children are very young. Could you be suffering from PND?

wobblywonderwoman Fri 27-May-16 19:05:21

hi ebony I came off citropram a few months ago but I don't think it could still be pnd but I'm not sure. I weaned myself off them as I was putting on so much weight. I had a much better day today but it's so hard

Ebony69 Fri 27-May-16 19:23:41

Glad today was better. However, from your posts it does sound as if the depression has resurfaced. I think it's worth checking it out with your GP.

wobblywonderwoman Fri 27-May-16 20:09:50

Thank You ebony. it's horrible. I had hoped it was gone for good.

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