Im really interested to hear from about people's experience with forgiving.
With amazing support from MN I'm in the process of ending my marriage. My mum has been a great help the last few days. I'm so grateful but I have some mixed feelings.
I feel bad because in learning about my relationship problems she has been apologising for my childhood. She has worked very hard on her own mental health to deal with her "demons" about that time. I have no wish to drag her back to that. No useful purpose is served by raking over it. But yet I hinted at it in conversation which was so unfair. She has tried so hard since to make things up. I have tried to tell her it's OK before and did again now. She needs peace.
But there's no denying the behaviours learnt in my childhood and the experiences have shaped my adult life. In summary there was a lot of physical violence between parents, and from both to the children. Not typical corporal punishment. As well as other stressful situations
I love my mum a lot and I am in no doubt how much she loves me. I thought I'd forgiven a long time ago. But there is a niggling question about how you treat people you love in that way. Everyone seems so adamant that people who behave like this don't change. But my mum has completely. She is an amazing person. She would do anything to undo the past.
I guess I need to accept that change. Has anyone been through similar and found a way to let go of these thoughts altogether? I want to be able to forgive and not hold on to unhealthy thoughts. I think they are getting mixed up with my feelings about DH. I think it would help me accept her support now. I think she deserves it.
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Relationships
Need help to forgive and forget
3 replies
youmakeiteasy · 26/05/2016 12:12
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