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New noon.

(7 Posts)
alan22011961 Wed 25-May-16 13:31:40

Hi, my name is Alan, from the North East of England, living (should that be existing?) with partner and 2 kids, l have a couple of medical issues with spinal issues and a prosthetic limb, but have an as normal a life as possible, my partner and l are not getting on, but as I've posted before, l have done everything within my power and capabilities to make our relationship work, she is not interested in me or us, but it's taken me several years to realise l have no respect, emotional, sexual or physical interest in her any more, l remain with her as partly duty and out of respect for for the kids, l really need to walk away, she can have the motrtgage free house and everything in it, plus any money that's in the joint account. I need to break free and live my own life.


alan22011961 Sat 19-Nov-16 09:37:30

Hi all, my apologies for not giving you all an update on my situation, I've not had access to the internet or much else in the best part of six months, hence my lack of prescence.

Things have become worse for me, a whole, whole lot worse, I've had my life torn apart, the hobbies I've enjoyed since childhood have been taken from me, the majority of my possessions have been removed, apart from a few odds and ends, plus the clothes I have, nothing remains of my previous life. I had a stroke a month ago and have little or no memory of the last 20 years of my life. I cannot remember my partner, the birth of our two children, my mothers death and many more things, I can remember practical things, but events have gone, it's very scary and is causing a lot of problems for me. I am more or less, alienated from my family, because of what has happened, non of it is of my own doing, but one thing has entered the frame, a diary of things I have done in the past, but no-one knows who has composed the diary or the reason behind it, I think it has been written by an ex-girlfriend with revenge on her mind or who wants me back on her life, I have no control over this and am scared to think what might happen next. I'm not sleeping, on edge all the time, feel I'm looking over my shoulder all the time wondering who it could be.
Can anyone make a suggestion please? I'm sorry that my post is somewhat secretive, but I don't want to put something online, that might cause me any problems. If someone could offer advice or send me a message from a different point of view.

niceupthedance Sat 19-Nov-16 13:28:58

Is it possible that at some point you wrote the diary but no longer recognise doing it? It does seem a strange thing for someone else to do for no apparent reason. Have you told your GP about it? Might be worth mentioning as it is causing you anxiety.

alan22011961 Wed 22-Feb-17 11:54:57

Hi everyone, once again I find myself apologising for my lack of updates and not being on the forum.
Things have taken a turn for the worse, a week before Christmas, I had a call from my bank informing me that my account was over drawn, I went online to check and it was indeed, overdrawn, I tried calling my partner to ask what was gong on, bt she never answered her phone. I looked at the statement to find that she'd been spending money like it was going out of fashion, I don't know how many times I've asked her to curb her spending, but it seems, she took no notice. She bought our daughter 3 pairs of training shoes at £75 per pair, she hardly goes out of the house!
When she came back, I sat her down and showed her the statements, her exact words to me were, "you told me it was OK", I didn't and said, "if that's the case, why are there multiple payments from Sports Direct, Wilkinsons and many other outlets on the days when I wasn't present"? she just glared at me, citing that I had given her permission, I said, "have you considered that one day the money will run out"? a simple answer came back, "no". Many times I've told her to stop spending, but she took not a blind bit of notice. It was at this time that I started to feel ill, like I had before the stroke, so I called an ambulance (she just sat on the chair watching me try to possibly save my own life. An ambulance turned up in ten minutes and whisked me off to hospital, I was sedated, set up with drips, scanned, questioned, you name it, they did it, I have no recollection of being in there. Two days later, I came round, clueless as to what had happened, it turns out (as I found out later after seeing a specialist) I'd had a "dissociative seizure", not an epileptic one, so the damage wasn't too bad and didn't have any more effect on me, luckily.
I went home, packed a bag and left, to be honest, I have little memory of where I went, who I talked to or anything, I slept in the car, using service stations for bathroom facilities, lost a stone in weight and had recurring thoughts running through my head, I couldn't find a way to continue with my life or a reason. I returned home after 6 days, to be met with her family, waiting to verbally assault me, I stopped them in their tracks, asked them all to leave or I'd call the police, they left, then I calmly talked to my partner, I told her that I was splitting up with her, was opening another bank account and transferring any money I had coming in, to the new account, I was going to our bank, handing in my card and informing them that I would have no responsibility for any financial transactions from now on. I then had to make an appointment to dissolve the joint account, she wanted to keep the account in her name, but I refused, she would have to set up her own account and deal with all the hassle of standing orders and direct debits etc. I'm not a vindictive person by any means, but this has got to me so much, I want her to find out how to stand on her own two feet, have to sort all her own financial matters, cook and clean in fact everything in the home, that I used to do, she is going to find it very hard.
Roll forward to now, for 3 weeks, I've been living in a council bunglow, it took two weeks to get the heating on due to the previous tenant doing a runner and there was a stop on the house number, I left the house with no money or finances, the my clothes, coffee maker, microwave and little else. I've been waiting to get an appointment with Citizens Advice to ask them to apply to a charity to help me get some furniture, curtains, carpets and white good, I had nothing, I've been given a bed and bedding, a tv, settee, plates, mugs and cutlery. I can only eat microwaved food or cold stuff until I get a cooker. My sister lives over the road, so I'm using her wifi to get on the net using a loaned laptop. I'm not paying rent, only water rates, since I've moved out, the DWP have dropped my benefits to £73 per week, out of this, comes the water rates of £7, £20 a week gas and electric, so that leaves me with the rest to live on,
My ex has been in touch, telling me I have to give her money, my answer was, "you had money, you wasted it". She cried, "I've credit card bill to pay and you have to help", no I don't, she told me she owes almost £4,000 and is still paying off £229 per month on a previous loan I don't know she'd taken out, but it's in her name, not my responsibility.
I'm sat in a coldish bungalow, that echoes all the time with having nothing in it to deaden the sound, but, I feel relatively happy, not under pressure, doing my own thing and at the beck and call of no-one.

Thank you all for listening.


pocketsaviour Wed 22-Feb-17 12:30:07

Were you married? Hopefully not, as that would make any debts she incurred during the marriage your joint responsibility.

If I read rightly you currently have no income? Are you on PIP or ESA? You should be paying a token amount per week as child maintenance.

I suggest seeing a solicitor asap to sort out the financial side. How old are your DC? Could you physically cope with having 50/50 residence of them?

pocketsaviour Wed 22-Feb-17 12:30:28

PS Not a brilliant idea to put your real name and DOB as your username, in all honesty.

alan22011961 Wed 22-Feb-17 12:56:35

Thank you for the replies, we're not married, my bungalow is only 1 bed, so although the kids are welcome, I can't let them sleep here (council rules). I was on ESA, but the wonderful DWP decided I was fit for work and put me on JSA, I can't drive or use public transport since my episodes, so I appealed, they decide, because I'd appealed, they dropped my money to £73 per week, since my last post, a letter has arrived this morning, telling my it's now down to £23 PER WEEK !!!!!! Idiots. Kids are 16 and 13 and are fine. Can't afford a solicitor, I asked about Legal Aid, I don't qualify.
Can I change my name?

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