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Bitter Coffee Beans!

(4 Posts)
clashofclanswidow Wed 25-May-16 10:07:37

Sorry, I have had other threads on this board. I just feel the need to chat today.

Ex left me the day of my 20 week scan for someone else...had no idea she was waiting in the wings...they're still is due on Friday. We have a DC together already, baby is DC2.

It's been tough but I have put aside my feelings to co-parent with him, even though I have had threats of court and allsorts.

I'm in a good place (ish) at the moment. The thing that's throwing me though, is he has asked to meet for a coffee this weekend "to sort things out"...

I'm not going to...he doesn't know this yet.

I have nothing to say to him. I have told him already how I plan for things to be after labour and in the time following, mostly on a "we'll take it as it comes basis" as my priority concern is me and the kids and I can't predict what it will be like. This caused big arguements again.

In (very) short...I said I obviously don't want him barging in as soon as our baby is born, as things need to settle down after birth but I will call him when we are settled and ready (more than reasonable under the circs, I feel!) By the sounds of it, he wanted to come in as soon as she was out and then leave us to get "fixed up", coming back in later!

Today he has asked again if we can meet for said coffee this weekend and when I said I wasn't sure I already had plans, he basically says it's ok if I can't, just to let him know.

Now me...doesn't sound like a man who wants to urgently discuss the matter of the babies arrival and I'm just annoyed by the whole thing.

I'm under no illusions/hopes that he wants to reconcile (I wouldn't anyway) and I get the need to be adult about this...but there is no reason on earth, for why we should have to "go for a coffee" about it, when he could just message me, if he felt he wanted to put his opinion across that much...given his attitude today, he obviously isn't too concerned!

It annoys me that he tries to put me in these situations and I'm glad I have woken up to it to be honest.

Not sure why I'm posting really. Thoughts on what on earth he thinks he could gain by meeting me face to face? Support and hand holding not to bow to the demands of this narcissist (even though I've no intention of meeting him, I presume he will try call the shots again via messages eventually)

He's very much making himself out to be the changed man and has done pretty much everything I tried to encourage him to do during the breakdown of our relationship - promotion, second job, improved his health etc and doesn't seem to understand I no longer care, as he isn't part of my life anymore, yet delights in still telling me even though he knows I'm not interested!

I'm just fed up of the "trying to be friends" crap he seems to have going on when it suits him and wish he'd just disappear to be quite honest. All this over a bloody coffee!

Horsemad Wed 25-May-16 10:33:11

I wouldn't bother with the coffee, tbh.

Hillfarmer Wed 25-May-16 11:23:57

Tell him to put whatever it is in an email.

You seem to have done really well detaching from him, but obviously he is being his usual ultra-manipulative self trying to reel you back in.

He has to learn that he cannont 'barge back in', he can't dictate terms and he can't even make you meet him for an 'innocent' coffee.

You don't need the coffee. He's been an absolute tosser. You have total right to have the baby exactly the way you want to.

You're going to need cossetting and looking after, after the birth of the baby. You'll have enough going on without having to worry about his feelings. He gave up any 'care rights' from you when he walked out. Tell the hospital staff not to let him in (if that's where you're having the baby).

He left! He can fu'coffee!

Does that help OP? Good luck with the birth. Sounds like you've got your head in the right place. You sound strong, even though what you're going through must feel like hell. Keep going

clashofclanswidow Wed 25-May-16 11:50:47

It does help hillfarmer, thank you flowers

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