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Still have nightmares of ex partners attack - what can I do?

(8 Posts)
thejanuarys Wed 25-May-16 04:04:34

In June 2011 I was attacked by my ex partner - he smashed my face against a wall, broke my nose and injured my knee. He pinned me against a wall with his lower arm pressing my neck, leaning his body weight on me whilst spitting on me. I managed to turn my head and bit his arm to release me. He did shouting 'you fucking bitch you made me bleed, I'm going to call the police!' I said fine, they can see what you did to me.

Anyway, police came but I was arrested as there was blood from the bite (I saw him sit there squeezing his arm to make it bleed more -skin barely broken).

At the police station I was so terrified that my daughter was with him at home - anyway finally interviewed and police officer said that I was living with a controlling abuser - many police aren't trained to understand this but he's had domestic violence training. He said that I could press charges but that would be time-consuming and, as he sensed I was keen to leave to get back to my daughter, he gave me the name and number of a solicitor friend. She helped me draw up Non-Molestation order. I had surgery for my nose, physio for knee and investigation re face as my jaw now moves and I have TMJ. Obviously began separation etc.

But the nightmares are endless. And this is compounded by ex manipulating court process (I was litigant in person, he had full legal team).

And the nightmares aren't just about one attack - they morph into an amalgam of all his attacks on me over a ten year period.
Can't afford counselling any more.

How do you get over such experiences when you can't afford counselling? How do I stop the nightmares?


MakeItRain Wed 25-May-16 06:07:56

Could you get some free counselling from your GP? How much are you having to deal with him now? Does he see your dd regularly? Could anyone support you with handovers if he does?

thejanuarys Wed 25-May-16 06:50:06

Thanks for reply. Initially had 6 week counselling via GP.

Then found someone as I could afford it then and was starting to make progress.

But now I can't afford it (contact schedule kicking in - I don't work weekends, ex lied in court and said I did, so he has her a full weekend the the following Sunday, so in my minimal holiday time I have to take off more time from work than I would if I had a full weekend).

So, too much contact as far as I can see. And half term is 'his'.

Now GP tried again, but counsellor leaving new one not appointed - and then GP leaving and surgery have changed appointment system (arrrgghhhh!)

So cold sweats about how rubbish I was because I didn't understand court process as well as the attacks.

His contact with dd feels like he's (again and again) pushing me to the ground, sitting on me and spitting in my face - a favourite of his.

Hissy Wed 25-May-16 06:51:07

This sounds like ptsd. It's serious, you can't tackle this yourself.

I would go to gp and tell them what you've said here, I'd also talk to womans aid and see what they can suggest.

How come you haven't got legal aid? With history like this, you ought to qualify?

Keep strong love, he won't win.

ladygoingGaga Wed 25-May-16 06:51:50

Counselling is available from charities, and support services locally.

Although talking about it with people close to you can be a good way to just get it out too.

The nightmares do go eventually flowers

LumpySpacedPrincess Wed 25-May-16 06:54:09

I bet he's just sort of cock that ends up on the stats when people say that DV isn't a gendered crime.

flowers You are stronger than you think. You will get through this.

mummytime Wed 25-May-16 07:07:30

It sounds like PTSD to me to! Go to your GP, and get referred to a psychiatrist - sorry but this sounds worse than a job for a NHS counsellor. There are treatments that are supposed to help, but you need to get to the right kind of trained specialist.

If you need immediate help - phone the Samaritans. I would copy out their number and keep it by your phone (and put it on your mobile). Women's aid may also be able to help - they are experts in this kind of trauma.

thejanuarys Wed 25-May-16 16:46:07

Thank you. GP route still open - just got to get through their system.

Didn't get Legal Aid as I've got over the threshold of equity in my home - irony is that he owns half and can't sell so I can't realise the money anyway. This is why many women don't qualify for legal aid re DV.

Thanks. Any more suggestions welcome

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