Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Chatting to an older woman. Has she suddenly got cold feet?

(13 Posts)
Huitzilopochtli3 Tue 24-May-16 17:49:38

Full disclosure: I'm currently 26, and I met a girl about 2 weeks ago with her friend and mine at a bar. She said she was enjoying our convo, and she asked for my mobile, to add her number. At the time, she knew how old I was, but I didn't ask her.

We started chatting on Whatsapp, having a nice time swapping jokes, and I arranged a date at a place in London. It was nice, she suggested drinks afterwards, and we left after a few drinks. I messaged her when I got home, cheekily asked if I could see her again, and she said yes!

That was one week ago exactly. Since then, things have gone downhill.

Her replies became more and more terse, less jokey. I asked her on Sunday morning if she was having a good weekend, and received no reply (although with the helpful two blue tick on Whatsapp, I knew she'd received the message).

I decided to leave off texting her until this afternoon, as I thought maybe she was having second thoughts. I also had a long work shift on Monday and wouldn't be around online much.

I Whatsapped her this afternoon, asking how she was.

Same response as before: She read the message, but hasn't replied. That's not unusual in itself, but I thought she at least might say something like 'Ok thanks' or 'Hey, I'm busy atm. I'll talk later.'

I'm worried now that she's getting cold feet about the age gap. I can't really think of another reason as to why she's not replying to me. She hasn't blocked me on Whatsapp, weirdly, but just isn't replying.

When she mentioned her age before the date last week, I honestly didn't have a problem with it. I just asked if she was OK going out with a 26 year old instead! She said of course, and that age was just a number.

I think I need some female perspective here! Is what I'm saying making sense? Or am I reading too much into things? Or should I just give her some time off?

I'm thinking of sending a simple message later, along the lines of: "Hey, are you OK? Is everything alright?"

I'm really at a loss, since I really like her, and I'm getting a bit upset that she's not even saying anything. It makes me feel like I've done something wrong, but until recently we were really enjoying our convo and we were making plans for a second date.

Please help! Thanks

Huitzilopochtli3 Tue 24-May-16 17:50:01

She is 34.

LineyReborn Tue 24-May-16 17:54:20

I don't think it's necessarily the age gap.

She's being quite rude though, not telling you outright if she's not interested.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill Tue 24-May-16 17:57:15

That's dating for you I'm afraid. Don't send any more messages. Don't try and analyse what you did or didn't do right. It would be nice if she'd said "Thanks but no thanks" but you can't insist on a response and really, it was only one date.

Jan45 Tue 24-May-16 18:17:36

Please don't text again, you have, she's read it, for some reason she is choosing not to reply, it's hard but as has been said, it was one date, you better build up some armour for dating cos sometimes it goes like that!

Dangerouswoman Tue 24-May-16 18:29:35

It could have been absolutely anything and not the age gap at all.
Leave it now.

Helennn Tue 24-May-16 18:31:41

It's called ghosting and it's very very common I'm afraid.

I've just had it done to me after having a really good second date with someone last Tuesday. It seems people don't have the guts, or the manners, to say they're not interested any more.

Dangerouswoman Tue 24-May-16 18:35:36

Yes it's happened to me and it's rude and cowardly and can take you completely by surprise.

Huitzilopochtli3 Tue 24-May-16 18:41:41

Thank you for the messages and advice so far. I'd like to think I could move on from this without a backward glance, but it has upset me.

@Helenn: That sounds awful, I feel sorry for you. It's hard to predict what people are like in real life.

LovePGtipsMonkey Tue 24-May-16 19:41:26

it may be that she doesn't like getting so many texts - almost pestering with 'you OK?' 'how was your w/end?' - some people prefer to build up on the dates and have an odd text inbetween. Try not to message for a few days now - if she is interested she'll get back to you, don't become dramatic at this stage and demand anything, maybe she just needs a think or have met someone else- let her decide what she wants to do.

RebelRobin Thu 26-May-16 07:53:28

Mate, just ring and talk to her!!

ALaughAMinute Thu 26-May-16 08:02:34

I would leave it if she hasn't replied to your texts. You'll only make yourself feel worse if you contact her again and she rejects you.

Hard though it may seem you have to forget about her and move on.

ChipInTheSugar Thu 26-May-16 08:09:13

Who did you meet? A girl, or a 34 year old woman? Either way, you're being ghosted. Walk away.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now