I left my h in Jan of this year, with the kids. He was emotionally abusive, verbally abusive, financially abusive, very controlling, lots of emotional blackmail and near constant stonewalling and had escalated to pretty regular physical abuse.
I am now effectively single parenting my 6yo ds and 1 yo. I am working three days a week and get no financial contribution from ex. This is because he can barely afford the house I left him in, and we both wanted continuity for the kids. So I am taking a hit until I will go back to work full time.
I am finding it so difficult. I don't regret leaving exactly as it was intolerable and making me ill - I was also expected to do all of the domestic chores as well as clearing up after him, doing the vast majority with the kids etc etc, it was always difficult for me to make arrangements to see friends- but I remember the good times, the hopes for a happy family, the hopes for some financial stability, what could have been, I suppose.
I'm not bitter, I'm not angry but I am so very very sad and ground down. If I'm not at work and the kids aren't in, I cry and cry and cry. Tears literally just leak out of me, constantly. I don't want to make arrangements to see friends as I don't feel up to it, so I'm often with the kids alone or when without the kids, I'm alone as well.
I feel guilty for leaving; guilty for being a bad wife and homemaker; frightened for the future in terms of how to make the kids happy and secure; constantly worried about money; frazzled from parenting.
In others experience, is this all normal? Isn't this a bit excessive nearly 6 months on? What helped others in a similar situation ? Thank you
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When will i feel better? Support and advice about having left needed.
25 replies
Theladyloriana · 24/05/2016 12:58
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