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Exdp being weird since I started a new relationship

(9 Posts)
IllBeAtTheBarIfYouNeedMe Tue 24-May-16 12:17:21

Exdp and I have a ds together. We broke up before I realised I was pg and although we toyed with the idea of getting back together after ds was born, we never did. Over the past 10yrs our relationship had grown into a really good and, so I thought, solid friendship. He's no father of the year but loves our ds the best that he can.

At the beginning of this year I entered into a relationship with a new man which was as much as a surprise to me then it was to others. I was happily single for the past decade before I met new dp and exdp was one of the loudest in encouraging me to go for drinks with the new man.

Everything was fine with me and exdp until about a month ago where he completely disappeared on me for a while and came back with lots of vague statements like he's 'OK now' but refusing to say what is wrong and only talking in closed statements and mono sibylic replies. The last time I saw him face to face he spoke to me with a tone that implied he was talking to scum.

Tomorrow our ds has a hospital appointment which he has invited himself along to (he doesn't normally come along to these regular check up/medication reviews). I'm dreading it. It's obvious that we aren't friends anymore for reasons he refuses to divulge and I don't want my ds to be put in the middle of whatever the hell this akwardness. I especially do not want him to hear his df talking to me like crap.

I'm swinging between feeling furious that he is treating me like this and sad because I've lost one of my closest friends. It's literally 16yrs of history flushed away seemingly because I have a new dp.

Any advice on how to deal with this?

RainbowsAndUnicorns5 Tue 24-May-16 12:24:38

I think you'll have to have it out to get to the bottom of it, how childish I'm sorry. At a guess I'd say he had you in a box and he doesn't like you roaming outside of it...

In the meantime I'd tell him in no uncertain terms he's not welcome to the appointment tomorrow because of his current attitude and treatment of you, you don't want ds affected by this sudden turn of events

TheNaze73 Tue 24-May-16 12:35:16

I've read so many posts on here, when ex partners (male & female) seem to go a bit weird when 3rd parties get involved.
I'd not let him come tomorrow until he gets a grip

goddessofsmallthings Tue 24-May-16 13:37:25

If your ex shares parental responsibility with you for your ds you can't stop him attending the appointment tomorrow and I suggest you tell him that, regardless of whatever issues he may believe he has with you, he can leave his attitude at home as you are not going to have your ds become upset because his df is a dick treating you as if you're dirt on his shoe, and most certainly not at ds's medical check up where it should be obvious to him that ds's welfare is of paramount importance.

As your ex is being an utter twat, don't hesitate to give him both barrels by telling him in no uncertain terms that he needs to get over himself and put his ds's needs before his own.

GloriousGoosebumps Tue 24-May-16 14:03:06

Has ex dp had relationships?

IllBeAtTheBarIfYouNeedMe Tue 24-May-16 14:11:46

Thanks everyone. I'm loath to ask him not to come because the one positive is he is taking a more active role in our ds's life recently and there is the parental responsibility thing to consider too.

glorious he has had casual relationships, one which resulted in more children (twins) but not anything that lasted.

GloriousGoosebumps Tue 24-May-16 19:19:12

Interesting that he hasn't managed to find a long term partner. It may be that he has always thought that if the worse came to the worse he could always sweet talk his way back into a relationship with you but now, of course, you have someone else. Hence his change of attitude to you.

SandyY2K Tue 24-May-16 19:34:28

Why do people think it's okay to tell him not to attend the appointment? Let's be fair here and realise the child is the most important thing in all this.

I bet the same wouldn't be said if the OP was male.

sykadelic Tue 24-May-16 21:33:54

I actually don't think he wants to get back together with you (from his encouraging you to go out with people) I think it's more that this new bf of yours will eventually share a part in your son's life (if he isn't already) and he's worried he's going to be "replaced". It could also be that you relied on him a bit in some areas and he's been replaced in those too (you won't talk to him as much etc etc).

I think you should sit down with him actually and ask him what's going on. Tell him that your new bf doesn't change anything between him and his son and he's not there to replace him.

I don't think the angry response some posters have had is the way to go. Show him that he's STILL your son's father (don't ask him not to go to this appointment) and he's STILL going to be in his life. I just think he needs time to understand things aren't going to change how he thinks they are and he's catastophising (sp?) for no reason.

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