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That Sunday Feeling!

(877 Posts)
Hushabyemountain98 Tue 24-May-16 08:13:07

Welcome to to my new thread. I hope that all my MN friends from Onwards and Upwards will join me and maybe a few new ones!xx

ThankGodItsThursday Tue 24-May-16 08:34:32

Morning Hush.
Just noticed the new thread so thought I'd pop on and say a quick hello before I leave for work.

WTAFF Tue 24-May-16 08:56:14

Hello from the treadmill! My personal trainer would say that I'm I can MN whilst on the machines I'm not working hard enough. I'm just warming p though!

PiscoSour66 Tue 24-May-16 09:29:02

Good morning everyone. Thanks Hush for the shiny new thread. I hope you're all well as can be.
Hello from me to ThankGod. I think you're doing incredibly well considering how quickly things are moving on for you. It's strange how life is just turned round in a matter of minutes.
Have you had a good trip back home Notonyur? Good luck for tomorrow.
I like your dimmer analogy Kirk. It does feel just like that.
Onwards and upwards! Xxx

Hushabyemountain98 Tue 24-May-16 10:49:49

Good morning Pisco, WTAFF and ThankGod. Welcome to my new thread.
I hope that you all have a good day whether at work, at home or in the gym!

It doesn't seem possible that we got to almost 1000 posts. Still I suppose that shows we are popular! Good for our confidence anyway!

Well put Pisco I agree with everything you have said.

I hope that the sun is shining on you all today☀️
I am off to the dentist shortly.
Take care xx

ThankGodItsThursday Tue 24-May-16 17:00:59

Im glad you think I'm doing well. It doesn't always feel like it.
I'm a 'doer' so if I'm dealing with Estate Agents/Solicitors/Bank etc it feels like I'm moving forward. But when I stop and think of him my stomach drops to the floor.
I miss him or rather I miss who I thought he was. I miss wearing my wedding rings - they were part of who I am/was. It feels like I've lost my identity.
I feel sick when I think of him touching her and doing things we did! I feel sick when I think of him introducing her to his family and friends we socialised with. They are in that initial 'loved up' stage so everyone will look at them and think how happy they are together and how he's obviously done the right thing. They will all forget that we were like that once.
When I split with my daughters father I was a lot younger and had a social life. I felt bad that we had separated but not scared that I'd be lonely. I went out with friends and then met my husband 7 months later. Now I'm nearly 50 and scared of the future. I have no friends to socialise with now. We were each other's best friends or so I thought and I didn't work at maintaining my friendships. Especially when we moved.
I just don't understand how someone you've spent nearly 15 years with forgets you and moves on so quickly, so easily.
Don't get me wrong I wouldn't have him back if he crawled on his hands and knees over burning coals but it is a struggle every day at the moment to get up and face the day ahead.

notonyurjellybellynelly Tue 24-May-16 18:00:32

ThankGod, you hadn't given yourself enough time between relationships for your last one to have a good chance at success.

Maybe proper time spent on your own is what's needed this time round.


ThankGodItsThursday Tue 24-May-16 18:14:53

It was only 7 months since we split (i.e I moved out) but we'd been living separate lives for well over a year. Separate bedrooms etc.

I don't think the fact that my husband has been cheating on my for the last 5 or so months and has now left can really be attributed to the fact that I met him 7 months after moving out.

The man he is today is nothing like the man he was when I met him.

Hushabyemountain98 Tue 24-May-16 18:16:34

I know exactly how you feel ThankGod. I could have written most of your post!
I feel as though I have lost my identity too.
I still have my Mum's original wedding ring on my wedding finger.
I miss my husband and normality!
I feel sick and have laid awake at night thinking of them being together.
I don't think for one minute that everyone will think he has done the right thing! Especially women! It is the 'honeymoon' period and as we know that does not last! When 'normal' life happens and the halo slips it might be different?
My dh has swapped his wife of 30 years for a younger high achiever which has done nothing for my self esteem or confidence. I feel totally inadequate! I think of him taking her to events etc that I went to last year! It is not right. There is nothing I can do about it though. Only try and make a different life for myself and I am older than you.
Men's brains are wired differently than ours(not all men). They can do this. Have you read a book called Runaway Husbands?
My husband is a stranger too!
The thing is I still love mine. I just don't like him and I am trying so hard not to hate him for what he has done.
It will get better for us. It will just take time.
Thinking of you.
Have a nice evening xx

Hushabyemountain98 Tue 24-May-16 18:23:26

I thought you had only split up in the last couple of weeks Thank God?xx

notonyurjellybellynelly Tue 24-May-16 18:24:23

I still think if we don't learn how to make better choices after any relationship has gone wrong there is a very good chance we stand much less of a chance of any future relationships being successful.

And I would still say that time spent alone after a relationship has failed is time very well spent.

Hushabyemountain98 Tue 24-May-16 18:26:04

Hello notonyur.
Are you home again now?
I hope if you are, you had a good flight.
I hope that everything goes well with the birth of your Granddaughter.
Take care xx

ThankGodItsThursday Tue 24-May-16 18:30:58

Notonyour I don't think the fact that my marriage has failed after nearly 15 years together can be attributed to the fact that I met him 7 months after I moved out from living with my previous partner. Whilst it was only 7 months we had been living separate lives for over a year. Separate bedrooms etc.
I only mentioned my previous relationship to emphasise how different I felt then because I was younger and more hopeful of meeting someone else etc.
Now I feel old, and like I will never trust again. I didn't anticipate being on my own at this age. I thought we'd be starting to go out more, travel etc.

ThankGodItsThursday Tue 24-May-16 18:39:40

My husband left just over three weeks ago. He is the one I'm writing about. I only mentioned my daughters father who I split up from over 15 years ago to show how different it feels.
Notonyour I do understand where you are coming from and I will probably be on my own now for a very long time.
Sorry for being a bit all over the place I had to text him earlier for some information for the solicitor - it's hard to text and be all business like.

notonyurjellybellynelly Tue 24-May-16 19:15:57

No problem Thankgod. I accept your point of view regarding your life.

notonyurjellybellynelly Tue 24-May-16 19:25:27

Hi Husha, I'm home and about to go upstairs as I have a 5am start tomorrow.

I got home to be told my husband had been here twice when I was away to see our son. His first visits for a year. And that when our grandson was going upstairs to my room he said to him, no don't, Nana isn't here - which is why I'm here!

Then today he changed his travel plans to go back to Dubai early because according to our driver who dropped him at the airport - no I'm not staying for tomorrow, madam is back, I don't want to!

The fact I should have put money on both things being a certainty is lost on me tonight and I'm feeling rather heart sore. My daughters said to me - he can't stand to be in amongst us as happy people. And my son said mum he has a very important meeting tomorrow, plus he said DW needs rest after a c-section.

Now I know it's true about the meeting as he took a call regarding it when he saw our other son very fleetingly but I know it could have probably have been delayed a few hours. But why oh why oh why this man cannot even be around me at a time like this is beyond me at least tonight. Tomorrow I'll be thinking clearer and the answer will hit me in the face but tonight I'm one of the walking wounded and by crikey it bloody hurts.

Kirk123 Tue 24-May-16 23:03:59

Hi you all , thank god nice to hear from you, it's very raw for you and you will slowly , very slowly heal , I too after 14 months of 26 yrs married 31 years together feel I have lost me , however I am putting every ounce of energy into healing my broken heart 💔 with our support we will help you through this awful journey 🙏

Kirk123 Tue 24-May-16 23:06:07

Notonyour thinking of you hurting ❤️❤️❤️

Hushabyemountain98 Tue 24-May-16 23:19:44

Hi notonyur,
I am going mad with my toothache at the moment.
I have penicillin but no relief yet. Expecting a bit much!
I am glad you are home again. I am sorry that you have come back to all this after your holiday.
I hope that tomorrow you will be able to think clearer and deal with it in your own way.
I am going to try to get some sleep if my teeth will allow me to!
Goodnight xxx

Hushabyemountain98 Wed 25-May-16 08:32:58

Hi Kirk,
Thank you for your very supportive post for ThankGod.
It is so good to have the support of ladies who have been through this awful experience.
I hope you have a good day xx

Hushabyemountain98 Wed 25-May-16 08:35:07

Good morning notonyur.
I hope you are feeling rested today?
Are you a Grandma again yet?
I hope everything went well?

Hushabyemountain98 Wed 25-May-16 08:38:11

Sorry for the confusion ThankGod.
I hope that you have a good day.
I am having the house valued today.
I better get dressed and take the dogs out.
It is overcast and it looks as though it is going to rain!

ThankGodItsThursday Wed 25-May-16 16:50:14

How did the house valuation go Hush? Hope it was OK.
Our house is now officially on the market - pictures are online as of today.
In a strange coincidence the other house in our village that we viewed before we chose this one has also gone on the market. Wierd!
Feeling quite tearful today - I think it's the fact that the house is now online and it's the bank holiday coming up (last bank holiday was awful - he'd left on the Sunday).
I think that maybe I'm expecting too much of myself. It's not even been 4 weeks yet but I keep getting frustrated with myself that I'm not feeling better, and that I still think about him pretty much every waking minute.

notonyurjellybellynelly Wed 25-May-16 18:25:54

Husha your toothache sounds horrendous and I hope it's sorted out soon.

My beautiful granddaughter was born at approx 6.30 AM UK time weighing in at 3.2 kilos. She has a head full of dark hair and like her brother is very long and I'm told by everyone who comes into the room that she looks like me and Family who've seen her picture have also said so but I think she looks like her other grann - no one agrees but I wish they'd at least pretend.

My daughter in law is doing great but as expected is in considerable discomfort especially when the wee one is latched on - she as such a fabulous instinct for feeding but my poor daughter in law is almost climbing the wall because of her after pains. Then there is the pain of her c section on top of that.

We had a lovely time at the hospital, me, her mum, my girls, and it said so much to me about the power of womanhood. My son was there as well of course but had to go back to work immediately they came out of theatre to do an exam.

It was lovely seeing my sons mother in law looking after her daughter. She missed it all first time round so after my daughter in law her mother was the most important woman in the room. We made it extra special for her.

I'm home now and have just had a roast chicken dinner cooked for me by my housekeeper. I've also opened a bottle of wine. Yesterday's sadness has gone and I can honestly say that my husband wasn't mentioned or thought of once. I've no idea if my son has spoken to him and my daughter said that the saddest thing is mum that we're happier without him because everything had to be about him. Now we can be us.

So a lovely day all round after yesterday's heartache

Kirk, Pico - thank you.

Oh and Kirk I went to the papal blessing and was feet away from The Pope. He's lovely and just radiates joy and kindness and love.

Hushabyemountain98 Wed 25-May-16 21:15:16

The house valuation went okay thanks ThankGod.
Two down one to go!
How strange that the other house you were interested in is on the market too.
Sorry that you are feeling tearful. I totally understand!
You are expecting too much of yourself. Four weeks is nothing.
Try and be kind to yourself xxx

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