DH and I have a lovely two month old DS, but things are strained right now between us (to put it mildly). We had a really rough time conceiving DS - years of infertility treatment and he was eventually conceived through IVF, so we both wanted him (and actually DH was the one who first brought up the idea of having DCs). Thing is - so far DH is an excellent husband, but a rubbish father. He's been taking great care of me, doing all the cooking and shopping and generally being great with me, but completely hands off with DS, to the point he's almost some 1950s caricature. As soon as DS starts crying he hands him to me instead of trying to deal with him. He also has this weird thing like he wants to prove how he isn't into the whole baby talk / baby world. He doesn't have any prior experience with babies. All his cousins are the same age as him and his friends are having children at the same time as us. For me, there have always been small children / babies around in my family as the ages of cousins are all staggered and I have nieces and nephews, so looking after DS comes very naturally to me.
I must admit I'm coming at this with a ton of baggage - although my parents are together, I barely have a relationship with my DF as he was so hands off when we were kids. My DM did everything and I am terrified of having the same thing happen to my children.
Is it just something that will improve with time? DS is EBF so we are physically attached to each other a lot of the time, but I'm trying to let DH get involved in other ways (baths, changing nappies, hanging out together while I leave the room and do other stuff) and not be one of those mothers who has to have everything done how she wants so the father feels excluded (again - my parents did that to an extent). I'm really starting to resent DH for it, because it's not only the fear that he's not going to have a great relationship with DS, but also because I feel that the full burden of caring for DS is falling on me
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Relationships
Advice on how to get DH to engage more with DS
3 replies
Absy · 23/05/2016 23:12
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