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How do we find "us" again after infertility?

(3 Posts)
Stanley38 Mon 23-May-16 22:43:48

My husband and I are coming to terms with the fact that after 3.5 years of TTC, we are unlikely to ever have a family.

There are things we have started to do that are bringing us lots of fun and happiness after such stressful times, that we perhaps couldn't have done otherwise: booking last minute flights for a weekend city break, treating myself to a ridiculously priced handbag that would be irresponsible if saving for mat leave or baby (!), eating out, sports/ hobbies that we enjoy together and apart.

However, our sex life has really suffered. We love each other so much and are very happy together. We have a lot of intimacy in other ways, but infertility has robbed us of the care-free, spontaneous sex life we used to have. It now feels sterile (forgive the pun!), a bit weird maybe... Just not natural no matter what we try.

For over two years it's been that way, I guess because we were TTC for so long and eventually sex was mainly for a purpose, rather than being for the joy of it... It's hard for it not to suffer during such long periods of TTC, I believe. I am wondering if it will gradually become more natural and spontaneous again as we come more to terms with our child-free life, or if there are things we can try to help it along?

Even thinking about "trying things to help it" seems artificial and forcing it, if you see what I mean?

I'd be happy to hear from anyone with any experience or advice.

Runningmum84 Mon 23-May-16 23:45:01

Does he feel the same? Have you spoken to him about it?
If not it might help to have a conversation about it. Have you both decided that you are going to stop trying or are you still trying at the moment?

Stanley38 Tue 24-May-16 08:34:18

Yes, we have talked a lot about it and both feel like I have described above, so I guess in some ways it's good we feel the same. But we're at a loss of how to start feeling normal about sex again and get rid of this artificial feeling that has crept into our sex life since TTC.

Although it's not an on/ off button in your head, I'd say we've stopped trying now. It has taken us some time to get there.

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