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End of Marriage - when to let go

(9 Posts)
mumof2bc Mon 23-May-16 13:45:59

My husband and I have been together for 22 years and have two teenage children. We met very young and were both on the rebound, his previous relationship more serious than mine. I fell pregnant three years into the relationship. It wasn't planned but we dealt with it and both love our child dearly. We had our second child two years later. We both love our children very much and always put them first. We bought a home and ran into financial difficulties - something he blames me for - and sold our house. I'm not sure why he blamed me, somebody to blame I suppose.

We sorted ourselves out and the marriage was ok until the sex started to dwindle. Once a month, once every two, three then never. He then dropped a bombshell. There was this woman at work he became close to. No sex, just talking. I went ballistic. I called him a liar and said "of course you are having sex with her - you're not having sex with me". He then backtracked and said he made the whole thing up to wind me up! I tried to move on but when the sex became completely non-existent (once in the last year) I blamed him and his 'affair'. We stopped sleeping together. I went to bed alone early every night to get away from the atmosphere.

This resulted in months of arguing. Not just about sex, other things were brought up. He watched porn but never came to bed with his wife. The bottom line is I felt rejected. He had stopped caring.

Things got progressively worse and although we still live in the same house at the moment, I think for me the marriage is over. He said last week that he still loved me and suggested counselling but this week things took a turn for the worse. Nothing got sorted.

I told him that I am at the point of no return. He accepted it and said its up to me but I am an awful person for destroying the marriage.

We are both very angry and finding it difficult to live in the same house.

If he made more of an effort with the marriage, things would be different I'm sure but he pushed me away too many times.

I knew it was time to let go. I was flogging a dead horse.

I am looking to move out and go forward with my life, maybe even start dating again. As hard as it is to walk away, I know that I have to.

I am sure there are others out there like me?

All0vertheplace Mon 23-May-16 13:47:24

Just mentioned it to another poster, but this thread seems to have become a gathering place for people in similar situations:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2592809-Curious-to-hear-from-people-who-have-left-marriages-that-werent-AWFUL-but-just-unsatisfying

All0vertheplace Mon 23-May-16 13:49:14

(Didn't mean to send you off to another thread, but your plea for 'others' made me think you might find it useful)

What would separating mean for you both? How would you fare money-wise, for example?

SandyY2K Mon 23-May-16 13:56:30

Why don't you try counselling?

You can communicate what your needs are in a safe environment. You can both air your feelings with a professional third party.

That's if you still have any love for him or could love him if your needs were met.

If you absolutely don't want the marriage any more then don't waste time/money on counselling and don't give him false hope.

TheNaze73 Mon 23-May-16 15:09:11

I hope you can find a way but, by what you are saying & how he's acting, it sounds like a big ask. As others have said, counselling???

hellsbellsmelons Mon 23-May-16 15:34:23

but I am an awful person for destroying the marriage
So HE had an affair
And HE is the one who would rather ruin any chance of intimacy with you by watching porn and wanking rather than have sex with you (look up death-grip).
Yeah right!
You are doing the right thing.
He sounds like a total knob head.

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Mon 23-May-16 15:56:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 23-May-16 16:11:08

ran into financial difficulties - something he blames me for
He then dropped a bombshell
said he made the whole thing up to wind me up!
sex became completely non-existent
We stopped sleeping together
I went to bed alone early every night to get away from the atmosphere
He watched porn but never came to bed with his wife
I felt rejected
He had stopped caring

What's to work on whatyou ?
OP doesn't want to keep putting up with his shite.
She wants out and there is nothing wrong with that!

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Mon 23-May-16 20:02:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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