Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

PenPal Romance Across the Pond

5 replies

AcrossThePondRomance · 23/05/2016 11:25

I've recently reconnected with a guy that I used to write to when I was a teenager. We met in an internet chatroom and on a whim, I looked him up on Facebook and we've been chatting on a daily basis ever since and also talk on the phone several times a week.

We seem to have a lot in common and we've talked about meeting up later in the year and talking about a relationship coming out of this.

He doesn't have any children and so it will be easier for him to visit me, though cost of living where he lives in high.

I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has forged a relationship under such circumstances? I'm enjoying our chats but I worry that it'll be an emotional relationship and then hard to follow up in Real Life.

OP posts:

Report

MistressDeeCee · 23/05/2016 18:38

All life is a risk, if you feel safe about doing this then try it & see, why not?

Report

pocketsaviour · 23/05/2016 18:52

Don't get any hopes up or have any expectations until you've met in person.

You've not met him yet. Keep that firmly in mind. Until you do, you're both just wasting time, albeit in a pleasant way.

If you want to progress things, make plans for a meet. Then you'll know whether this thing maybe has legs. Or (more likely - sorry - IME) you'll meet and immediately think "Oh god no". There will be zero chemistry, you'll spend a few hours chatting and getting on incredibly well as friends, then he'll try for a shag, you'll rebuff him and he'll then sulk like it's the Sulking Olympics and he's been picked for his national side. You will go home and never speak again.

Not that I've been there or anything

Report

Resilience16 · 23/05/2016 20:27

It might work out, it might not. A long distance relationship is a bit of a fantasy relationship in a lot of respects. You both present your best side to each other, and real life mundane stuff is edited out.
Personally I would leave this as a friendship and enjoy it as that, rather than a potential relationship.
If he comes over, then great, see how it goes.
Good luck!

Report

AcrossThePondRomance · 23/05/2016 21:35

Thank you for your replies, contents of which have been noted

We're going to Skype tonight to make sure it's not a catfish arrangement and he's applying for his passport soon. As I have DC we've decided that he can visit England first and then take it from there.

Like someone (sorry can't scroll up to see who as on phone) said, until then, it is a fantasy. Though, while I've got this fantasy going on, it's not having any impact on my single parenting other than that when DC are in bed, I can fill my evenings chatting to the American rather than usual evening loneliness.

So far, he seems lovely but time will tell. We got on really well before when we used to chat online and write and so far we like lots of the same things, have similar interests etc.

It's nice, and it's a nice distraction from Real Life. I just wonder how sustainable it will be when Fantasy and Real Life cross paths....

OP posts:

Report

AcrossThePondRomance · 23/05/2016 21:39

PocketSaviour - I've had a couple of online to real life relationships in the pre-DC past and know exactly what you mean! Amazing that even when I've had "proper" relationships, finding that he doesn't use deodorant or that he's an Incredible Sulk after a few dates are the worst! I can remember meeting one guy who we must not have exchanged photographs and he was not at all how I expected him to be, but we'd been so honest in our chats and got on so well that looks didn't matter.

Hopefully I'll be able to come back in a few months time and give a very positive update!