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Help me make sense of this please

(10 Posts)
Jillianhere1 Sun 22-May-16 19:43:43

Me and dh having been good for a while now, since we got married really. Or maybe it's since the birth of our baby. I've little trust for him, in the past he's talked to other women on fb and deleted the messages, I even found out one of these women has another fb page as an escort! He's looked at adult sex sites and at one point was obsessed with porn. We have sex about 1-2 times a week and it's quick and over. That might seem enough for some but for me it's not and he doesn't try and make an effort. I've tried everything, bought things to spice it up etc yet he hasn't tried once. Once in a while he will make sure I'm satisfied but like I said its once in a while..,, I know he still watches porn too, even though he says he doesn't. Nearly everyday starts with an argument about sex he doesn't speak and just says he's tired. I've lost hope.

RosieSW Sun 22-May-16 19:57:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheNaze73 Sun 22-May-16 22:51:49

Is the sex issue that he wants it more often or you?

AnyFucker Sun 22-May-16 22:54:34

How miserable.

HeddaGarbled Sun 22-May-16 23:02:31

He sounds horrible. Time to start researching divorce?

Jillianhere1 Mon 23-May-16 08:44:31

The sex issue isn't him it's me, I want more sex and better quality. I feel like I have to ask him for sex rather than it being exciting and spontaneous and most of the time I think he just does it because he feels he has to. This has put a huge strain on my self esteem. I'm ridiculously insecure about my self and very anxious about the way I look and act around others. It doesn't feel right our relationship, I feel like there's nothing left. To answer the first question yes we get along have a laugh etc and he's great with our Lo. But when it comes to getting close its just awkward and I don't want to live like this anymore

Lweji Mon 23-May-16 08:52:02

What is his porn usage at the moment?
What did he say about those other women, and how have you moved on?
Do you really want sex with him or is it more for your self esteem and to feel he's still into you?
And do you mean you have sex but you don't reach an orgasm?

At this point, I would consider some counselling, particularly to address intimacy. He may need specific counselling regarding his porn use.
The question is whether he is willing to address it.

Jillianhere1 Mon 23-May-16 08:57:21

We have both been to counselling nothing has come of it. We used to have a lot of good sex and that's what I want I can't understand why he doesn't want that either? I don't know how much he watches Porn at the minute as he deletes everything. He said the ow were friends. He said he didn't know 1 was an escort but drunkly admitted he did once then completely denied saying it

Lweji Mon 23-May-16 08:58:56

When did you notice a change? And when did the fb thing happen?

CamembertQueen Mon 23-May-16 09:11:36

If he is choosing porn over quality sex with you then it is an issue. Put parental controls on the internet, if he doesn't watch it like he says then it shouldn't be a problem! Bottom line is, he needs to want to work at it and put the effort in. But clearly his mind is too preoccupied elsewhere. That is the difficulty, you can't force him to change.

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