So unhappy, shouldn't be but I am

[SoccerChick]

Don't know what to do but start at the beginning. But right now I'm so unhappy!
We are both full time employed; I have 3 children, ds23, ds19 & dd7 he has dsd8. Only my dd7 lives with us full time, the dsd8 is with us once a week and every other weekend.
Before we married in 2014 we had counciling as he displayed controlling behaviour. I.e he shouted/demanded(And throttled me in front of the girls)/ accused me of adultery etc and I refused to give in! He agreed to try to be nicer to me by not accusing me of cheating lying etc and not wanting to know where I was all the time when I was at work.
Things have not got much better as we have fought and argued for the past couple of years.
I'm now at the point where I don't know what to do any more.
I now feel nothing, I'm empty I feel no love no emotion. I struggle with this as I'm a very lively, enthusiastic, sexual human being.
I've come to realise that he is emotionally abusive as he constantly puts me down, tries to tell me what to wear, what to do with me daughter and in general how crap I am at everything else.
I'm usually a very stong woman and would just walk away but I'm now finding it difficult!
I think I need help, advice, support as I really just feel like taking my daughter and walking away

[IntelligentPutty]

Sounds like you need to leave.... He has demonstrated before his controlling nature. He is not Good for you... And I am sure there is someone so much better out there for you.

[SoccerChick]

Thank you for your quick response, I've lost all my friends and now feel so lonely.. usually I am strong and will walk or run away from anything or anyone that is destructive but I now feel so lost

[holdontoyourbutts]

He throttled you in front of your girls. That is completely horrific.

I think you need an exit plan. You do not deserve to be so unhappy.

What is the difficult thing about walking away? Can you expand?

[AnyFucker]

How have you lost your friends ?

[AnyFucker]

And you should be unhappy

Unhappy enough to leave him

[holdontoyourbutts]

OP I thought I had lost my friends. I completely abandoned them as focused every ounce of my being on my (failing and unhappy) relationship.

When I left i got in touch with every single one, the response was incredible. They were there for me.

I don't know the intrinsics of your friendships, but at bare minimum you have people here to talk to.

[Foofoobum]

You know what you need to do, now you need to work up the courage to do it. It never seems quite as easy as walking out the door but it can be. Maybe planning your leaving would help? Over time saving money he doesn't know about, finding accommodation etc so you're more secure in your decision and can walk into your new life. I'm so sorry you're in this situation.

Be strong, hold onto who you are and who you want to be again.