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Did my husband cross the line with Platonic Facebook friend.

(214 Posts)
stridz Sat 21-May-16 19:49:56

My 51 year old husband had a Facebook friendship with a very attractive 37 year old - someone who had worked at his office some time ago. There were lots of likes between them, plenty of innuendo and lots of private messages. She has very sexy minx profile pictures and has public settings so I think she enjoys getting attention. She originally asked him to be a Facebook friend (and nobody else from their old office life). He decided he wanted to "get to know her better" as they got on so well - there appears to have been a real spark between them. He questioned himself whether this was the right thing to do but decided to do it anyway as life is too short. So he asked her if she would like to be meet up as he wanted to be "more than Facebook friends". He invited her out to an evening rendezvous in our local city centre on a night when I would be out. He even cleaned the car inside and out beforehand (something he never normally does) and gave her a lift home to her parents house - where she was staying as she no longer lives in this country but reguarly comes back to our city to visit said parents. He wanted to see her before she left the country again. He says he tried to tell me he was going to be meeting her but said I didn't appear to be listening so he assumed it would be ok. He said nothing about his evening out when I returned that night - the night of his rendezvous - but he seemed in a very good mood. The next morning he told me nothing. However I found a receipt in the bin the next day and didn't think much to it but casually asked him about it. He very sheepishly and quite dreamily said it was to do with "seeing his friend before she went back to **. There was something about his response that set my alarm bells ringing, and I had to tease the information out of him to find out about his evening out. I think he would have been happy to not say anything. Does anybody else out there think he crossed a line and think he was entering dangerous territory? I think if he had doubts he should have made sure he sat me down and told me about his plans properly. I think she was possibly starting to "reel him in". He said it was platonic, but I feel very uncomfortable about it. What do others think?

BeautifulMaudOHara Sat 21-May-16 19:51:04

I'd be furious! Not ok.

stridz Sat 21-May-16 19:56:33

Thank you BeautifulMaudOHara. It's not out and out cheating - but it feels like "Platonic cheating".

haveacupoftea Sat 21-May-16 19:57:37

If he isnt sleeping with her, he is trying to. Im sorry flowers

LolaStarr Sat 21-May-16 19:57:55

Really, REALLY not ok. He's totally out of order!

stridz Sat 21-May-16 19:59:56

Well I wonder if a friendship between a 51 year old man and very attractive 37 year old can ever be truly platonic. Especially if my husband feels he just has to see her before she flies back. But of course she'd be back in our home city regularly.......

MoonfaceAndSilky Sat 21-May-16 20:02:13

Really not ok, sorry.

Hissy Sat 21-May-16 20:02:42

He tried to tell you burn he thought you weren't listening so thought it would be ok?

On what fucking planet is he on?

So he is struggling being 50 and needing his ego stroked, so he flirts with the office minx and she goes for it

I would have precisely ZERO respect for this man.

Yeah he crossed the line. With a parade and a fucking marching band and a smattering of clowns.

He even cleaned the car out himself. Like a 17 yo on a first date.

Read this prick the riot act, and he keeps up the cleaning lark by clearing out his Facebook.

hallstars77 Sat 21-May-16 20:02:45

No definitely not okay!! You need to make sure he deletes her on fb and is treading on dangerous ground!! Mid life crisis springs to mindblushblush

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Sat 21-May-16 20:02:51

Crossed the line so far he can't even see the line,,sorry

stridz Sat 21-May-16 20:03:16

I've been trying to get over it. Trying to think - platonic - no harm intended but I'm struggling.

stridz Sat 21-May-16 20:04:26

He has deleted their friendship and took himself off Facebook for a week.

MoonfaceAndSilky Sat 21-May-16 20:05:28

Platonic? Would he clean the car out for a male friend, hmm............hmm

TheNaze73 Sat 21-May-16 20:07:57

He wants to be more than friends

stridz Sat 21-May-16 20:09:02

We had our big confrontation about it 2 weeks ago. He thinks I shouldn't be dwelling on it any more - but it still creeps into my mind........

MoonfaceAndSilky Sat 21-May-16 20:11:22

He questioned himself whether this was the right thing to do but decided to do it anyway as life is too short

This is a very disrespectful to you tbh

stridz Sat 21-May-16 20:12:40

He says he had no dishonourable intentions whatsover, was naive, and didn't intend to hurt me......but he has.....

HelenaDove Sat 21-May-16 20:12:48

Yes he wants to be more than friends.

And OP "reel him in" No one can be "reeled in " unless they want to be.

Are you already preparing to put all the blame on her if anything does/did happen?

stridz Sat 21-May-16 20:14:09

No - he'd be culpable too.

BennyTheBall Sat 21-May-16 20:15:34

Er, hello?

Of course he has crossed the line!

AnchorDownDeepBreath Sat 21-May-16 20:17:08

You're dwelling on it because he hasn't admitted what he did.

He knew it was wrong. All of it. Adding her, telling her he wanted to more than friends, arranging to go out with her, cleaning the car and chauffeuring her around. He had a date. He didn't tell you about the date - he may have a ridiculous reason now but the only part that matters is that he kept it from you, before and after, and only told you because you found a receipt and pushed him for information. If you hadn't, this date would have remained their secret and they'd probably have done it again.

And that's the problem. That's why you can't love on. Not only has he admitted that he's interested in her, but he told her first and they've been on a date. And he sees nothing wrong with that. He isn't sorry and he's not telling you he won't do it again or making sure you know that he loves you, or trying to show how much you mean to him. He's just waiting for you to get over it.

Tell him life is short and you're contemplating whether you want to spend it with someone who has so little regard for your feelings. His response will say a lot.

ImperialBlether Sat 21-May-16 20:21:28

He went on a date! It might not have been like that for her, but it certainly was for him.

KittensandKnitting Sat 21-May-16 20:22:27

100% not ok! He has completely hidden this from you, I would be very very hurt - I would say it is the start of a slippery slope, if not her will be someone else.

He "tried" to tell you, utter rubbish and then you had to tease the information out of him. It's quite simple "I'm going to XYZ for a drink with XYZ before she goes back to XYZ" that's not difficult at all.

I used to go for drinks with a colleague who was married, he worked in another office and traveled to our London office once a month, about same age difference, and still do sometimes (moved now so not so easy) - he actually works for my DP and it's just that we get on very well - DP joins us sometimes sometime he doesn't it's perfectly fine to be friends with someone of the opposite sex but I'd never not tell DP and friend would never not tell his DW, in fact last time she called whilst he was at the bar and I answered and had a long chat smile very very different from what you are describing what he is doing is very disrespectful. What worries me most is that you said "he owed it to himself because life is too short"

I would suggest he 100% wants to sleep with her, this is not just a friendship

paddlenorapaddle Sat 21-May-16 20:26:03

flowers for you what an arse hat it doesn't matter if he did or not you, his wife feel disrespected because you have been.

And instead of working to repair the damage he's trying to blame you

The worst is he's openly admitted to trying to sleep with someone else

Now you have to decide if you want to forgive him or not

haveacupoftea Sat 21-May-16 20:26:18

He told her he wants to be more than friends, on what planet is that platonic?

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