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I think I need to get out

(5 Posts)
trappedmum Sat 21-May-16 11:14:58

This is what has been going through my head since Easter.

I think I am in an EA marriage. We have two DC's, a toddler and a baby. I have no friends in RL I can talk to about this and my family is in a different country.

I am suffering from PND. I am on anti depressants and have recently finished counselling as my scores came to within "healthy" range.

We had a huge argument over the Easter bank hols. He had gone out for drinks with a work colleague (which I was fine with) and said he would be back home for tea time. Tea time rolls around and I ask him what time he will be home, he said he was staying out and I started getting a bit annoyed. I wasn't feeling very well and felt like I couldn't cope. I told him that and he went off on one, he said that "you were the one that wanted kids" and "you don't love me anymore", he called me several names. I put the phone down on him and said we would talk when he had calmed down. Whenever he goes off on one of his rants I tend to switch off as I don't like being sworn and shouted at. This was not the first big argument we have had. It's quite frequent that he will call me names, say I'm a crap housewife, moan that the house is a shithole (it's not!), and come home from work to ask me what I've done all day. After things had settled down the next morning we were talking in bed and I suggested marriage counselling. He responded "yeah great idea then someone can tell you how fucking mental you are" he also called me a "fucking liar" in this conversation.

He is also not very nice to the kids. If they are being noisy (or crying in the baby's case) he will tell me to shut them up. He has also called DC1 a "dickhead", despite me telling him not to. He never helps out with the baby, will rarely change nappies and won't do bedtime. He has never taken both DCs outside of the house on his own.
Every time I go for a shower on the weekend he tells me not to be long as he wants to do something.

I really think I need to get away from him. I know it isn't great for the DCs to grow up in a house like this. I am constantly being put down and sworn at. I just can't take it any more. I have no idea what I need to do. I'm so confused and I'm scared. I have no money of my own but a ton of debt. I just want to be able to see clearly again.

Thanks if you have read this far 

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Sat 21-May-16 11:21:46

Yes I agree. It sounds hideous and as the dc get older he won't get any better

So have you got any ideas how you might start an escape plan?

trappedmum Sat 21-May-16 11:32:05

I haven't got a clue. Part of me is terrified of the thought of doing it on my own, but I know I have to for the DCs.

I'm also scared that he will use my illness against me. He has been really nasty about it in the past, he's one of those people who says "can you cheer up please" and just expects it to happen.

We live payday to payday so I doubt that I would be able to squirrel any money away as all finances are joint and I'm a SAHM.

It's just a huge mess.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Sat 21-May-16 13:09:20

Perhaps contact women's aid for some advice?

My ex was similar, but I hung around a lot longer and then the violence kicked in. I got out with help ( which I'm eternally grateful for) but in hindsight i should have gone sooner ( my dc remember him)

trappedmum Sat 21-May-16 20:14:45

I've just seen there is a "one stop shop" for advice on domestic abuse at one of the children's centres, does anyone know what this entails and if I would be able to take DCs with me?

I just had DH swearing at me again. DD was screaming so I had to put her straight to bed and I asked him to put DS to bed. He said no because he cooked dinner and the football was on and that I've had such a stressful time sitting on my fucking arse all day. Despite him being upstairs for three hours on his PlayStation. DD is teething and screaming and DS was being a regular toddler so it wasn't exactly a relaxing afternoon for me!

I literally just don't know where to start.

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