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I'm pregnant but my man wouldn't move in with me..

(13 Posts)
MakiJ Fri 20-May-16 22:46:29

Need outside perspective, I haven't been with him for that long but fell pregnant. I'm happy, he is happy, we love each other but he wouldn't want to move in with me since he already has a "house" - his parents' house which will eventually be his.

He asked me to move in which I said categorically no, I would love to have my own family without his (or even mine) parents being under the same roof. I don't want his parents to become the parents to my baby..

So now I'm looking for a bigger place planning to move out my current place as too small for a family. I fear I would end up being a single mother only because I am independent and have a strong wish to have my own family.. I don't want to be dictated by his parents, nice to get support but not constant support I would become a lazy mum... Anyway, any advice will be much appreciated smile

HeddaGarbled Fri 20-May-16 22:59:25

I agree that moving in with his family would not be a good move.

His reason for not moving in with you is not a very good reason. Who would rather live with their parents than with their partner and child? How old is he? Presumably he will still inherit the house even if he moves out? Odd to only want to live in your parents home for your entire life.

I think you may well need to resign yourself to being a single mother. This is a new relationship and the child has come along before you have got to know each other properly and made a commitment to live together. And he sounds a bit, erm, unusual, in not wanting to move out of the family home and be independent of his parents as most young people do.

If it's just you and the baby, will you need a bigger place,or can you manage where you are?

WeAllHaveWings Fri 20-May-16 23:11:46

I'm 47 and if id stayed at home till my parents had popped off id still be with living them now.

Its a strange family dynamic.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon Fri 20-May-16 23:16:51

Well I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who prioritised me so low.

You say you've not been together long. How long? Might it be that your relationship is so new that he's not sure about it so doesn't want to commit? Or is it a definite that he would never move out?

janethegirl2 Fri 20-May-16 23:20:13

I'd be aiming to do what works for me in the long term without necessarily considering him in the equation.

Joysmum Fri 20-May-16 23:24:19

You being pregnant is no reason for him to move in if this wasn't on the cards before hand.

Really bad move to push for things to develop in your relationship simply because there's a baby on the way. It's hard enough bring a relationship to the stage of living together happy without adding the challenges of a pregnancy and baby into the mix.

icedcherrytea Fri 20-May-16 23:58:44

That cannot be the reason he does not want to live with you... I wouldn't believe that if I were you.

AddToBasket Sat 21-May-16 00:03:02

Don't move in with his parents (obviously). And yes, if you are waiting for them to die unless your DP is already 60 then you might be waiting a while.

All you can do in this situation is ask DP where he feels his 'No 1' family is. If it is you and the baby, he should live there. If not....well, you have your answer.

SandyY2K Sat 21-May-16 00:45:46

Doesn't sound like he's ready to be a full time dad and knew you wouldn't move in with him and his folks.

Unplanned pregnancies in a short relationship like yours can make one do some hard thinking. Do you see this relationship lasting in the long term?

TheNaze73 Sat 21-May-16 02:39:03

joysmum is spot on. All that she says

Offred Sat 21-May-16 07:22:33

Absolutely agree with joysmum.

Would be very short sighted to move in together just because you got pg.

Not unreasonable to expect him to share the parenting load but very unwise to push the relationship forward before it is ready.

Isetan Sat 21-May-16 09:05:05

How short, is short? I get that the pregnancy was unexpected but that's no reason to rush everything else, he can be a good dad and partner living elsewhere and if he isn't, it wouldn't be because he wasn't living with you. Raising a child is stressful enough, without having to adapt to living with someone at the same time.

How old are you and why would having support make you a lazy mum? As much as you love this man, you don't know him as well as you though you did (given your surprise that him staying at home was a long term plan). I do understand the urge to nest but slow down, babies attract a lot of kit but they really don't take up much space. Don't let ideas of the family ideal, push you into making panic decisions when they aren't warranted.

MakiJ Sat 21-May-16 14:06:38

Thank you everyone for all advice and thoughts flowersflowersflowers

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